Honoring That 1 Percent
“Please don't mention my son,” the speaker asked the person who would be introducing him to the assembled audience at the St. Louis Hyatt Regency. The speaker was Lieutenant General John F. Kelly, and his son was Second Lieutenant Robert M. Kelly who, only four days earlier, had been killed in action in Afghanistan. Understandably, the General didn't want to put his family's pain on a pedestal as if to elevate it above that which is felt by the thousands of other families who have lost a loved one in the war. "The death of my boy simply cannot be made to seem any more tragic than the others,” he wrote in an email.
While General Kelly didn't mention his son by name, however, his passion and conviction were unmistakable as he spoke to the assemblage about a seemingly growing disconnect between the military and the country it has sworn to protect. “Their struggle is your struggle,” said General Kelly, adding:
If anyone thinks you can somehow thank them for their service, and not support the cause for which they fight - our country - these people are lying to themselves. . . . More important, they are slighting our warriors and mocking their commitment to this nation.
My old boss, Dr. Richard Kohn, devoted a book to the subject in 2001, noting back then a schism particularly between the senior officer ranks and what could be termed the elite civilian segment of American society. After nearly a decade of war, it now seems that the sacrifice and valor of the very best our country has to offer is being relegated to the back page, to the extent that it is covered at all.
For his part, young Robert Kelly graduated from Florida State University in 2003 and promptly joined the Marine Corps as an enlisted man. A year later he found himself fighting, house to house, in Fallujah. Private First Class Kelly learned more about life and death in a short span of time than some people ever learn. "Things have not been going so well. I am having a lot of trouble dealing with this [expletive]. It is hard to explain right now. . . . I just want to go home and see my family and friends. I really want to sit down with my dad and talk,” he wrote.
In an interview, General Kelly told of a conversation he later had with his son in which Robert talked about the time his platoon was repeatedly fired upon by insurgents in an underground bunker. After the insurgents answered the Marines' call to surrender with still more fire, the Marines used explosives to deal with the insurgents decisively. Robert felt that it must have been an awful way to die, according to the elder Kelly. "It wasn't as clean as he thought it would be. He felt bad about the whole thing, and I told him that was human,” said the General.
In 2010, Robert again found himself in a combat theater, this time in Afghanistan as a second lieutenant responsible for dozens of Marines. Writing as a father, as a combat veteran, and as a military professional, General Kelly wrote his son:
Robert you will likely lose one or more of your precious Marines if you haven't already . . . Do not let the men mope or dwell on the loss. . . .Do not let them ever enjoy the killing or hate their enemy. It is impossible to take the emotion out of it, but try and keep it as impersonal and mechanical as you can. The Taliban have their job to do and we have ours. That's it. . . . Combat is so inhumane; you must help your men maintain their humanity as well as their sense of perspective and proportion.
Here I pause the narrative to ask you to read that quote again, for here you find thoughts and advice that, to someone not versed in the culture and experience of the professional warrior, will seem completely alien. We wince at the thought of a father passing along to his son advice on the “impersonal and mechanical” imperatives of killing, yet we are comforted that such people stand between us and the monsters who even now plot the next 9/11. That's reality, and young Robert Kelly was up to his neck in it.
While we labored and pondered over the looming mid-term elections, Robert wrote, "Try to keep your eye on the news,” adding that, "It will be good to know that people are paying attention to what the 32 Marines with me will be accomplishing."
On the day that General Kelly's letter to Robert went in the mail, one of Lieutenant Kelly's troops stepped on a mine, losing part of his left leg. The very next day, another of his men was killed and another lost his right arm from yet another mine. Robert contacted his father and asked him to keep an eye on his two Marines, who were taken to Bethesda for treatment. One of those Marines told the elder Kelly that Robert made it a point to go out on almost every combat patrol with his men, adding that Robert was, “living on luck.”
Last November 9th, at 6AM, one of General Kelly's closest friends, General Joseph F. Dunford, Jr., arrived at the Kelly residence in his dress uniform. "I guess over time I had convinced myself that I could imagine what it would be like to lose a son or daughter," General Kelly would later recall. “But you can't even come close. It is unimaginable. ...It was disorienting, almost debilitating."
At the same time my mind went through in detail every memory and image I had of Robert from the delivery room to the voice mail he'd left a few days before he died. . . . It was as graphic as if I was watching a video. . . . It really did seem like hours but was little more than a second or so.
The stress, the worry, and the pain that the families of our service members go through is every bit as much of a sacrifice as that performed in the field. Those who stay glued to 24-hour news stations waiting for, and fearing, news of their loved ones in harms way serve as surely as the troops themselves.
Later, General Kelly would tell the crowd at the Hyatt Regency, “We are in a life-and-death struggle, but not our whole country. ...One percent of Americans are touched by this war. Then there is a much smaller club of families who have given all." A war sparked by the ghastly attacks of 9/11 continues. Agree or disagree with the war or the method of fighting it, we do a monstrous disservice to those who shed their blood on our behalf when we avert our gaze from their sacrifice and that of their families.
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Comments :
Jul '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
".Do not let them ever enjoy the killing or hate their enemy."
I respect the General, but I suggest that true warriors do hate their enemies and do enjoy killing them. The Taliban certainly does; why shouldn't our warriors reciprocate?
May '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Dave Carter:
Really? This doesn't sound like the motivational tidbits offered by my drill sergeants. I would have figured that enjoying combat (somehow) and thriving on hate of the enemy was probably the best way to cope with the stress. Convoy security and route clearance ops must be frightening, but others such as sniper reconnaissance can, I've read, be downright exhilarating.
Edited on Mar 3, 2011 at 9:21pmJul '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Michael Labeit
Dave Carter:
Really? This doesn't sound like the motivational tidbits offered by my drill sergeants. I would have figured that enjoying combat (somehow) and thriving on hate of the enemy was probably the best way to cope with the stress. Convoy security and route clearance ops must be frightening, but others such as sniper reconnaissance can, I've read, be downright exhilarating. · Mar 3 at 9:18pm
Edited on Mar 03 at 09:21 pm
Michael, the discrepancy seems to be that Generals have gone through a lot of sensitivity training, while the drill Sergeants haven't.
Witness General Petraeus' groveling apology yesterday for the accidental killing of a dozen Afghan boys who were sent out into a battle zone by their parents to gather wood. The proper response would have been, "Such is war," or "If you don't want your children slaughtered, then do not harbor the Taliban in your villages."
Instead, American officers will sit and drink tea and hand over generous cash payments to village elders who wish them dead.
Edited on Mar 3, 2011 at 9:31pmSep '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
I defer to the first hand testimonials of warriors themselves as to whether they enjoy the killing or not as well as the leaders responsible for the welfare of those in their charge. And the only thing I can think to add to that incredible post Dave is to say thank you and a prayer for the souls of the departed in war:
Edited on Mar 3, 2011 at 9:30pmOct '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Killing another man runs counter to some deep seated archetype of mankind itself. In World War II, less than 20% of combat soldiers would actually fire their weapons at their enemy. By the Korean War up to 60% would fire and in Viet Nam almost all would fire their weapons. It is believed that in Viet Nam, while most would fire their weapons, not so many would do their best to kill.
It is difficult to hate another who is sincere, determined and fighting for what he believes. Instead, you will find yourself saluting your enemy for his display of courage and bravery. You will experience sadness at his loss, while thankfulness for your own survival.
Hating is for the movies; it will only get you killed. To enjoy killing would remove all the humanity you’ve struggled to keep about you. When the war is over, it is you whom you will have to live with.
Jul '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Matthew Osborn: Killing another man runs counter to some deep seated archetype of mankind itself. In World War II, less than 20% of combat soldiers would actually fire their weapons at their enemy. By the Korean War up to 60% would fire and in Viet Nam almost all would fire their weapons. It is believed that in Viet Nam, while most would fire their weapons, not so many would do their best to kill.
It is difficult to hate another who is sincere, determined and fighting for what he believes. Instead, you will find yourself saluting your enemy for his display of courage and bravery. You will experience sadness at his loss, while thankfulness for your own survival.
Hating is for the movies; it will only get you killed. To enjoy killing would remove all the humanity you’ve struggled to keep about you. When the war is over, it is you whom you will have to live with. · Mar 3 at 10:56pm
Meh. Put a guy up against me with a gun and I'm a happy man to end his life.
Grief counseling? No, thanks...I'll have a beer.
Jan '11
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
I personally knew this guy, the Marine Lt. Gen., because he was my battalion commander as a Major [Lt. Col. selectee] for two years. Was/is a deep-thinker and a master tactician who enjoyed facilitating and developing those same qualities in his subordinates -- even down to the junior NCO level.
The quote very much makes sense if you understand John Kelly's background and education. Just before he became the Commanding Officer of the batallion I served in, he attended the War College at Quantico. He was taught to think of the battle field and its people and equipment as assets; to allocate and win battles and, eventually, wars with. In real life, though, he was not this cold and calculating but I knew that he was capable of switching it off if we were ever to go to theatre. Nope, in real life, he remains the only leader I have ever known who knew each one of his Marines by name [this was prior to name tags on our uniforms, BTW] and a little something about that Marine! That's not hyperbole either.
Edited on Mar 4, 2011 at 4:26amAug '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Dave, I follow the milblog, "BlackFive" www.blackfive.net - I heard about the loss of 2Lt Kelly there. He is a fine officer and a credit to his nation.
Please, if you get a chance, look at Blackfive, at their section "Someone you should know."
I'll leave with the Hidalgo Family. http://www.blackfive.net/main/2011/03/a-family-you-should-know.html
Dec '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Kenneth: ".Do not let them ever enjoy the killing or hate their enemy."
I respect the General, but I suggest that true warriors do hate their enemies and do enjoy killing them. The Taliban certainly does; why shouldn't our warriors reciprocate? · Mar 3 at 9:12pm
So, if our guys don't personally hate their enemies, they aren't true warriors?
What might this reveal about what you think motivates our voluntary warriors?
I think the general's point in his advice to his son was not that our guys don't or won't hate their enemies, but that they shouldn't.
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Thanks for this, Dave
Oct '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Kenneth
Meh. Put a guy up against me with a gun and I'm a happy man to end his life.
Grief counseling? No, thanks...I'll have a beer. · Mar 4 at 12:46am
If true, you're a much harder man than most of the Marines I fought with.
May '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Dave, this hurts. Oh, it hurts to read this. But I must. I must always remember those who sacrifice their lives for my freedoms. I must remember those families who give of their loved ones for my freedoms.
I have personally lost two young men in this long war, whom I have known since they were children. While I hadn't had much contact with them as adults, I vividly recalled them as adorable 5 year olds I played with. Now they are gone, and their families are left to pick up the pieces. I also have a nephew currently serving in the field of battle. I don't ever want to forget them in prayer.
Thank you for this, Dave.
Jul '10
Re: Honoring That 1 Percent
Matthew Osborn
Kenneth
Meh. Put a guy up against me with a gun and I'm a happy man to end his life.
Grief counseling? No, thanks...I'll have a beer. · Mar 4 at 12:46am
If true, you're a much harder man than most of the Marines I fought with. · Mar 4 at 11:18am
I guess I was absent from school during sensitivity training. Or maybe I just take "He who hesitates is lost" too seriously.