Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Like most of you, I spent the recent Earth Day thinking about how I could help the planet. And, by golly, I think I've come up with something. Now that we realize the dangers of excessive carbon dioxide in our atmosphere, may I humbly suggest a few simple, cost-effective ways to cut down on this potentially devastating chemical compound. Since we humans exhale the noxious stuff, it stands to reason that we could help the situation merely by exhaling less often. Imagine if billions of people made a concerted effort to take even one less breath per hour during our 16 or so waking hours.
The most credible figure I could find for the daily carbon dioxide output for the average human being is .9 kg. Multiply that by nearly 7 billion people (I would, but I really don't want to), and that's a lot of carbon dioxide. Since the average person takes 15 breaths per minute, or about 21,600 breaths per day, if we could eliminate 16 of those breaths (one per waking hour) for 7 billion people, that's 112 billion fewer breaths per day. Multiply that by 365 (and, again, I don't care to), and that's one heck of a lot less pollution each year.
It would also help if we could avoid activities that increase the number of breaths we take, such as exercise and sexual activity. Cutting down on the latter would likely also reduce the population and further ameliorate the problem. I can envision a huge "Hold Your Breath for Earth" celebration with celebrities grasping their noses between their thumbs and forefingers. Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest ones.
You're welcome, Mother Earth.
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Jul '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
I have an idea: tax credits for every balloon One blows up. Thousands of balloons and saving money, how much happier would We be when paying taxes?!
Edited on Apr 25, 2011 at 6:13pmJan '11
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
That's brilliant! Let me offer a title to go with it. Kinetic Expanding Carbon Sequestration?
Nov '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Lovely. But there's a typo in your second paragraph: carbon monoxide for carbon dioxide.
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Lucy, I may send my posts to you first! Thanks.
Nov '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Pat Sajak
Lucy, I may send my posts to you first! Thanks. · Apr 25 at 6:52pm
You are most welcome. But in general I hardly think your comments require editing. By the way, my mother would probably faint with excitement if I told her that I had gotten a "personal" note from Pat Sajak.
Jun '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
This could get even better. I've spoken to my three dogs and they are willing to sleep 22 hours a day (slower respiration while sleeping) instead of their usual 21.
Does anyone have ideas how we could either get cows to quit burping and passing gas, or developing some kind of sequestration system?
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
tabula rasa: This could get even better. I've spoken to my three dogs and they are willing to sleep 22 hours a day (slower respiration while sleeping) instead of their usual 21.
Does anyone have ideas how we could either get cows to quit burping and passing gas, or developing some kind of sequestration system? · Apr 25 at 7:09pm
Well, there goes my red beans and rice for dinner.....
Jun '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
We could we muzzle politicians and pundunces for a day to stop the spread of carbon dioxide, It might even help with "global warming."
Apr '11
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Pat, You're a goll-durn jeenyus!
You should be on a special blue-ribbon panel with great ideas like that. There's nothing out of this White House that makes any more sense. (Pity, that.)
Hey, I'm with you all the way on that less exercise suggestion (that was actually my New Year's resolution last year). My wife would probably go along with your next suggestion, but I would have to object to that one.
Apr '11
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
I want the bumper sticker!
Oct '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Have all the Carbon Supporters at a rally and hold their breath until they turn blue and pass out, there is a start... Glad my dogs sleep as much as they do...
Wish those in Washington would do the same...Give us all a break...
Jun '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Because of Pat's brainstorm here, liberals may have to reevaluate waterboarding. Rather than banning the practice, it may become a patriotic duty. If Al Gore's willing to try it, I'm willing to administer it.
Jun '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Hey were did you guys go to school, flatulence is methane not carbon dioxide. I learned that my first day in high school when I watched one of the seniors tryin' to light one in the locker room—and we ain't talkin' cigarette here. Singed his you know whats pretty bad. But, that wasn't from the methane, but from the match. After that I never could find the courage to try it myself; but I was bright that way—knew my limits and had a good eye for measuring the distance between an open flame and the family jewels. What we should do with cows is stick a candle on every cow's rump and when the inevitable happens, we can get enough heat and light to replace all those twisty light bulbs. Besides, what works with cows would also work with Old Yeller the household dog and Uncle Pull-My-finger after thanksgiving dinner. You gotta think outside the jet-stream, don't cha know.
Oct '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Speaking of reduced emissions, if all in Washington did a Rip Van Winkle thing,
Now there is a thought... Might be better off.
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Cas, I believe we're digressing. Although, on second thought, I suppose anything that results in holding one's breath is on topic.
Jun '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Pat, I was thinkin' more like take ones breath away.
Apr '11
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
My wife suggested that everyone stay home and sleep in a few days a month instead of going to work. Your excuse for the boss would be your concern about global warming.
May '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Don't hold your breath...
Apr '11
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
Earthday should be a national sleep in day, for the sake of the environment.
Jun '10
Re: Hold Your Breath for Mother Earth
And what would we get for our trouble? A population explosion that would end up putting out more CO2 than we saved. Send the wife back to the drawing board on that one, I think.