Great Insults
One doesn't normally consider insults as signs of civility, but this collection of famous insults reminds me why I love pre-post-modern literature and oration.
Lady Astor: "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
Churchill: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it " - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - Churchill, in response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
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Comments:
Mar '11
Re: Great Insults
My favorite bit of musical criticism was supposed to originate from Mark Twain, but I've never been able to find the cite.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Jul '11
Re: Great Insults
A friend of mine discussed another doctor as always eager to display his inadequacy.
Mar '11
Re: Great Insults
Winston Churchill again, on Clement Atlee:
He's a humble man, but then he has much to be humble about.
Sep '10
Re: Great Insults
Awesome compilation! Love it!
Dec '10
Re: Great Insults
I can't remember where it came from, but one person to another concerning a writing:
I understood every word you wrote but not one single sentence.
May '10
Re: Great Insults
So much fun. Thanks, Aaron.
Dec '10
Re: Great Insults
One day shortly after the Second World War ended, Winston Churchill and Labour Party Prime Minister Clement Attlee encountered one another at the urinal trough in the House of Common's men's washroom. Attlee arrived first. When Churchill arrived, he stood as far away from him as possible. Attlee said, "Feeling standoffish today, are we, Winston?" Churchill said: "That's right. Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it."
Jul '11
Re: Great Insults
Percival: Winston Churchill again, on Clement Atlee:
He's a humble man, but then he has much to be humble about.· 41 minutes ago
He also said " An empty car pulled up to parliament and he got out" I am paraphrasing but the burn is the same.
Jun '10
Re: Great Insults
A
DocJay
Percival: Winston Churchill again, on Clement Atlee:
He's a humble man, but then he has much to be humble about.· 41 minutes ago
He also said " An empty car pulled up to parliament and he got out" I am paraphrasing but the burn is the same. · 11 minutes ago
And don't forget WSC about Atlee:
Jun '10
Re: Great Insults
Aaron, I don't know which one of us has the actual quote here, but I think it flows better if your first insult reads like this (and this is the way that I first read it):
Lady Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband I'd put poison in your soup."
Churchill: "Lady Astor, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
Jun '10
Re: Great Insults
Larry Koler: A
DocJay
Percival: Winston Churchill again, on Clement Atlee:
He's a humble man, but then he has much to be humble about.· 41 minutes ago
He also said " An empty car pulled up to parliament and he got out" I am paraphrasing but the burn is the same. · 11 minutes ago
And don't forget WSC about Atlee:
21 minutes ago
I think this is another creation of Sir Winston. I can't remember to whom he was referring, but as a noted person walked past, Winston said to his companion: "There, but for the Grace of God, goes God."
Jun '10
Re: Great Insults
One more for your list:
“What you don’t know would make a great book.” [Sydney Smith]
Re: Great Insults
And I think it may have been Dorothy Parker who wrote a book review thus: "This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." Perfect!
Jul '10
Re: Great Insults
"Yer Momma"
Sep '11
Re: Great Insults
What she said!
Re: Great Insults
One of my favorites from Groucho Marx. "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it."
Dec '10
Re: Great Insults
I don't remember where I heard it, but there's a story about Margaret Thatcher going to dinner with her staff after a long day at work. The waiter asked for her order and she responded, "I'll have the beef." He followed up with the question, "and for the vegetables, ma'am?" To which she replied, "They'll have the beef, too."
Jun '10
Re: Great Insults
Here's another one from Parker (one that my wife must have read):
“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”
May '10
Re: Great Insults
Any comparison with Jimmy Carter has come to be the most damning sort of insult in American politics -- of both the right and left. Reason for hope, maybe.
Feb '12
Re: Great Insults
Percival: My favorite bit of musical criticism was supposed to originate from Mark Twain, but I've never been able to find the cite.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.· 7 hours ago
It's not Twain, but one of my favorite bits of music criticism:
"An orchestra playing Stravinsky is like two girls kissing -- a terrible waste of the raw material."