From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
I remember hearing in school about the ways in which various cultures venerate their ancestors. The ancient Egyptians believed that the survival of the soul after death was connected to the survival of a physical vessel to get around in, hence mummification and elaborate pyramids with their ornate interior decorations and assorted golden doodads. There are cultures in America that pray to deceased ancestors, asking favors and whatnot. If you ever have a chance to tour St. Louis Cemetery Number 1 down in New Orleans, you can see the tomb of Voodoo Queen Marie Laveau, where you will find offerings of adoration left by the faithful, many of whom also mark the tomb with a large “X” as a further sign of veneration. But for this meager Protestant, merely going to the cemetery and practically slicing off a finger is veneration enough thank you very much.
After traveling up and down the map like an 80,000 pound yo yo, I was able to take a bit of time off near my hometown of Lake Charles, LA, where my Mom and I decided to make a trip to the cemetery to attend to my grandparents' graves. Both of my grandfathers served in WWII, one in Europe, the other in the Pacific theatre. Mom had a beautiful arrangement for my maternal grandparents, and I purchased some flowers and an American flag for my paternal grandparents. Arriving at the cemetery, we decided to cut the flowers for my arrangement while parked at the office. After 20 years in the military in all kinds of situations and environments, Mom assumed she could turn me loose with a pair of scissors. She assumed wrong.
You see, there was one particular stem that seemed impervious to the scissor blades, prompting me to bear down hard on them. Well sir, it worked. The scissors went through the stem alright, and kept going until they had gone through my left middle finger too. With blood spurting everywhere, my first act was to verbally violate the Ricochet Code of Conduct, before jumping out of the car and running to the office. The door was unlocked, but no one was visible. Realizing that I was getting blood all over their nice floor, I made a beeline for the box of tissues on the desk while yelling for help. In a moment, people were out of their offices and motioning toward the restroom where I found a sink and paper towels.
Running the finger under the sink faucet, I saw that we definitely had a problem. The blades had cut a nice chunk out, ...much too big for a band-aid and too small for a tourniquet. A young lady that worked at the cemetery came in, took one look at the finger and turned white as a sheet. I feared she would be the next casualty, but she steadied herself and wobbled back toward her office. I was wrapping an assortment of paper towels around my finger and keeping it elevated to reduce the bleeding as much as possible when Mom, bless her heart, wiped a bit of blood from my face. I've no idea how it got there. We got directions to the nearest medical facility and went to the car. Mom did an admirable job of negotiating traffic with purpose while not saying too many unpleasant things about slower drivers.
At the emergency care clinic, I was shown to an exam room and in short order a doctor dropped in to visit. Over the years I've found a sense of humor to be a tonic that takes the edge off life's more trying moments, and this was no exception. The doctor, a Navy veteran of over 30 years service, called out to one of the young technicians to bring her some sort of kit to sew me up. Not to be outdone, I also called out to the technician saying, “And while you're at it, I'm going to need a bullet to bite on and a bottle of Jack Daniels.” The doc was very nice, exceedingly professional, and her technique should be duplicated by all interrogators wishing to glean actionable intelligence from the terrorists.
After making me comfortable and laying my head down on a soft pillow, she went to work on the wound with what felt like a wire brush. I surmised that it must have been a sorry wound, not large enough to fit the sewing kit, so she must have been expanding it to a respectable size. It was a real attention getter as far as I was concerned. I suggested that a Brillo Pad might suit her purpose better when she told me the best was yet to come. She had to administer the Syringe of Joy Juice to numb it before taking needle and thread to the cause. After telling me to take a deep breath and forgiving me in advance for cursing, she jammed that needle into the wound and clear up to my elbow, or so it seemed. My eyes were closed and yet I saw the most amazing light show. But a minute later, I didn't even know I had a middle finger on that hand. There followed a little sewing club, with the doc doing the sewing and yours truly doing the chit chat. We had a grand visit. I did a commercial for Ricochet that would have made Rob and Peter proud.
As it happened, the clinic did not take my military insurance, but they do accept money. I paid an amount that I'm told is significantly less than the public hospitals would charge, and here I am! But I wonder, what would the experience have been like in an Obamacare world? Would the private emergency clinic even exist? Would I still be waiting in line at a public facility? How many docs would have taken early retirement rather than be a part of a such a circus, further exacerbating the ordeal for those in need of medical attention? Would there have been a shortage of Brillo Pads? As it was, the wonderful staff of this little clinic offered a service for which I gratefully paid. And yet some would prefer my options to be much more limited.
And, oh yes, when we were done, we went back to the cemetery to finish what we started and I was able to stop by the office, thank them for their assistance and check in on the pale lady. My grandparent's graves are now properly adorned, and Mom has hidden the sharp instruments. So now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop some more pain pills. G'nite.
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Dec '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Coon Asses always do everything backwards
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Foxman: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Coon Asses always do everything backwards · Apr 3 at 10:11am
Yes, but in this case I prefer it. Delays the inevitable...
Oct '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Oh, with Obamacare, you'll definitely need that middle finger.
Feb '11
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Wonder what would be like if the government ran the cemeteries. Arlington doesn't seem to be doing well.
Nov '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
In an Obamacare world the clinic would not exist. It will disappear either because, by a twist on Gresham’s law, a bad government program will drive out a good private sector alternative; or Obamacare will reach its ultimate goal of ushering in a single-payor system and the private clinic will become illegal; or, like private schools, the clinic will continue to exist but everyone who uses it will have to pay twice, once for Obamacare through taxes and a second time directly to the clinic.
We will never know what we are missing because in an Obamacare world all innovation is stopped stone cold dead. Maybe a new gravestone should be added to that cemetery with the inscription "health care innovation” Born 6,000 B.C., died 2010 A.D."
Jun '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
"The scissors went through the stem alright, and kept going until they had gone through my left middle finger too."
On the third day, it will rise again, I'm certain.
Jun '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
I did my thumb for six stitches shucking an oyster once. The blood actually added a very nice accent to the oyster. Not as clean as lemon and not as intrusive as Tabasco, but very nice none the less. Overall I would recommend the combination but not the method of extraction.
May '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
When I was little, my mom invited me to open a can for her (obviously, mothers are the problem). Having never done so before, I didn't realize the lid would be sharp and grabbed it from the side to remove it. I had no idea there was a problem until my mom turned to see blood dripping from my hand. The moment I finally looked, it hurt.
They're going to do what? Put a needle in me? I was not a happy camper. But the nurse distracted me with friendly chatter and by the time I asked when they were going to start sewing it was already done.
To this day, I have a rather unique thumbprint.
Dec '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
I find it intersting that even with socialized medicne, some fine innovation still turns up from other countries. I don't think we will lose that, as it is hard to keep innovators in their places.
However, level of care for individuals would diminish and already is, under government interference and mandates, including those that came long before Obamacare.
I regularly stop by here to take the pulse of the medical business, especially the emergnecy medicine side. There are a few pertinent discussions near the top of the page. Caution though, as there is no Code of Conduct there and they have been known to make sailors blush!
Oct '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Wow, they gave you PAIN PILLS for a little cut? Or did you already have some squirreled away "for emergencies"?
Nov '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
You’re right in the sense that more scientific advances have come from gifted loners than from committees or large organizations. At least in the past. Also, that brilliant brains will do what they are meant to do regardless. Great art is often produced under difficult conditions, and perhaps some great science as well.
But most miraculous medical breakthroughs aren’t discovered by some guy working in his basement. They are the result of team work and they are expensive. Nothing that requires lots of money to be put at risk is going to occur if there is no hope of recouping the investment.
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Well, from what the doc said, the fingers have a tremendous number of nerves, so some medication to ameliorate the situation isn't a bad thing. Judging from the sensation once the anesthetic wore off, I'm not arguing the point.
May '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
I don't like that you got wounded in the line of grandsonly duty. But I do LIKE this post!
Dec '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
I happen to be a physician in Louisiana.There are many for profit physician owned entities from "Doc in the box" clinics to diagnostic and treatment centers to small hyperefficient hospitals. There is ongoing debate about the ethics for MDs with profit involved as different groups gain or lose money depending on their local situation and legislative oversight is requested by parties who perceive they are harmed. The examples are numerous but largely these facilities do a better job regarding complications and with tighter budgets that ultimately should be seen as the solution going forward and not some evil to be ended.
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Grimaud, I wonder if I might gently persuade you to write a post on this topic? Is the profit motive demonized, and if so, why? What is it that other facilities can learn from these for-profit entities?
Jul '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Dave, you should have asked for a bionic middle finger. Think of how far the liberals would fly every time you flipped that thing!
Dec '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
I may not feel adequate to post and respond fully to this topic but I will consider it in the future. The business side of medicine has been learned mainly from the school of hard knocks as we never really take any business classes in pre med or med school or in residency. I can say the main ingredient in our successes or business models, as relates to physician ownership, is our wanting the best outcomes for our patients and the least amount of beaureaucracy in our management. We purchase and use the equipment we need and are accountable to our partners who are willing to scrutinize during and prior to membership.
Otherwise the paradox that is the business of medicine becomes apparent when mainstream business practices such as self referral and vertical monopolies are frowned upon or legislated against. If I take the risk to purchase a piece of equipment that I would use on a procedure, it is viewed as of questionably ethical as I could fraudulently recommend a procedure for profit. I guess that happens but most doctors are honest and ethical. Congress should try these standards.
Edited on Apr 3, 2011 at 7:25pmJul '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Yeow, that musta' hurt. Your description of cutting thru the stem and then... Oooh ouch.
I'm sure you heard the one about the guy who cut off his middle finger in an accident and went shopping for a doctor to sew it back on. After getting a cost estimate from two and horrified at their estimates, he finally found one who would do it for a mere pittance (gov't-run place, it was).
Rats, this one can't be told without a live audience...
Dave, here's hoping the pain goes away quickly.
Jun '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Are you going to be able to drive?
Oct '10
Re: From the Cemetery to the Emergency Room (in that order)
Lake Chuck, huh? Explains a lot.
To ease the pain, here's an open invite to Ruth's Chris next time you're in Baton Rouge. It's the least I can do for a handicapped truckerpundit. Not many 'round these parts.