A woman looking for love today gets to choose among different sets of rules.
There's the now generally accepted "honesty" rule: anything goes, as long as both parties are frank about what they want. Only--who could have guessed?--it often turns out that the female party wants more than the male party does. So women end up painfully trying to cultivate a "Zenlike form of nonattachment" to accommodate themselves to male time horizons, relationship styles, and physical desires.
There are "the Rules" and similar schemes for manipulating men to get what you want, by playing hard to get.
And there's the no-sex-till-you're-married option. Which, especially as it's usually attempted today, is difficult to actually do. And even if you manage it, it's hard to mesh chastity with finding a husband, because courtship patterns at present are defined by the two options above (but especially by the first).
Jane Austen heroines follow rules that have some elements of all three options—while avoiding the problems of each. Some of her rules obviously need some updating before they can work in the 21st century. But the underlying principles are sound.