Follow Your Heart
Casey ·
March 2, 2012 at 4:32pm
41-year-old High School teacher James Hooker has fallen in love with an 18-year-old girl. The girl is his student. He has known her since she was 14. He has left his wife and children to be with her.
This just seems wrong to me.
"In making our choice, we've hurt a lot of people," Hooker acknowledged. "We keep asking ourselves, 'Do we make everyone else happy or do we follow our hearts?' "
Good point, Hooker. Doing the right thing just to make other people happy is really kind of stupid. Much better to do the wrong thing and make yourself happy.
I shouldn't have been so judgmental.
- Comment (122)
- · Quote
- · UnfollowFollow (4)
Comments:
Re: Follow Your Heart
I am not sure that it is appropriate to speak of pedophilia in this case. I say "not sure" because that is precisely what I mean. If Mr. Hooker was involved with the girl when she was 14, what went on was one thing. If it began when she was 18, what went on may well have been another. Either way, of course, it is a betrayal of his wife and children. But we ought to remember that there was a time, not so long ago, when 18 was the normal age for a young woman to marry.
One of our failings as a culture is that we infantilize the young. Among other things, we send the vast majority to college and delay their entry into the workforce. In a sense, eighteen has become the new twelve.
I do not mean to assert that if Mr. Hooker were single his marrying this particular young woman would be all right. Probably, it would be imprudent. Everything would turn on the question of her maturity. But it is not universally the case that eighteen-year-old women are too immature to be wives. It is the age Aristotle recommended for their marriage.
Edited on March 2, 2012 at 7:28pmAug '10
Re: Follow Your Heart
I learned a new word last week: "pansexual", of course in the context of an article about "equal rights". So what remaining widely-accepted taboos do we have, that no sane person would stand up or log in and defend? Parent-child I presume (step-child is old hat, I think). After that?
Mar '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
Paul A. Rahe:
Everything would turn on the question of her maturity. But it is not universally the case that eighteen-year-old women are too immature to be wives.
Given the fact that Mr. Hooker is willing to leave his wife and children for his own high school student, it wouldn't surprise me if she is actually more mature than he is.
Apr '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
Here's the question I'm always afraid to ask:
Once we've accepted that if one is attracted to the same sex that attraction is valid and must be pursued, how can we deny that for other attractions?
Nov '10
Re: Follow Your Heart
This is what I find wrong with Randian-style libertarianism. Rand thought that what we call altruism (placing the needs, desires, interests, or happiness of others above one's own) as a canonical evil. I'm happy to ride the John Galt line at 200 MPH but I'll get off before that stop, thanks.
Mar '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
Samuel Amaral
Is it just me or has personal happiness become the supreme value of western culture ? · 1 hour ago
C. U. Douglas: Here's the question I'm always afraid to ask:
Once we've accepted that if one is attracted to the same sex that attraction is valid and must be pursued, how can we deny that for other attractions? · 16 minutes ago
If personal happiness is the supreme value how can we deny anything to anybody ever?
Jul '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
He's leaving a wife and kids for a girl his daughters age. She's cool with it. They are both awful people, and they fully deserve each other.
-E
Jan '12
Re: Follow Your Heart
Commendable! Being judgmental, that is. We should pass judgment when we rise in the morning and lay down at night. Passing judgment should taken with our meals. Moral hygiene requires nothing less.
Dec '10
Re: Follow Your Heart
Paul A. Rahe: I am not sure that it is appropriate to speak of pedophilia in this case. I say "not sure" because that is precisely what I mean. If Mr. Hooker was involved with the girl when she was 14, what went on was one thing. If it began when she was 18, what went on may well have been another. Either way, of course, it is a betrayal of his wife and children. But we ought to remember that there was a time, not so long ago, when 18 was the normal age for a young woman to marry.
Edited 1 hour ago
There is actually an applicable term: ephebophilia.
I wonder if he'll still be attracted to her when she's old... like 22.
Dec '10
Re: Follow Your Heart
Would you also make an exception for considering the feelings of one's current spouse?
Oct '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
Stuart Creque
Would you also make an exception for considering the feelings of one's currentspouse? · 11 minutes ago
There is as scientific name for that : Being a Jerk.
Jun '10
Re: Follow Your Heart
katievs: We see everywhere around us thereductio ad absurdism of liberalism in practice, don't we?
The Obama Administration's abolition of the First Amendment in the name of "women's health".
Medical ethicists calling for "after birth abortions" for whatever reason.
Advice columnists saying, "Hey, whatever" to a homosexual affair between twin brothers.
We are far, far gone in corruption. Do we have enough moral reserves left as a nation to mount a resistance? I wonder and I worry. · 3 hours ago
The really troubling part is how many people no longer perceive these examples as absurd.
Dec '10
Re: Follow Your Heart
The word of the day - courtesy of Jonah on the podcast and reinforced by King Prawn - describes both of them well:
Asshat
Re: Follow Your Heart
Stuart Creque
Would you also make an exception for considering the feelings of one's currentspouse? · 8 minutes ago
The young lady -- whom I regard as an adult in the sense that she is old enough to be held fully responsible for what she has done -- may soon learn that what goes around comes around. Mr. Hooker followed what he calls his "heart" into her arms and he has articulated the argument for following his "heart" into another woman's arms when it beckons. And beckon it probably will.
Sep '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
Well, if no one else is going to speak up for Modern Family Values, I will.
I'm appalled at all of you. Each and every one of you. I'm shocked--shocked!--at your cowardly, callous, and calumny-laden diatribes hurled at this loving couple who have bravely--bravely!--come forward to share their story of love with the world.
Once upon a time a man who would leave his family and abandon his children was met with social opprobrium. He was shunned--the "sweet young thing" was labelled with hateful phrases like "slut," and "hussy," and "co-respondent."
We've risen above that as a society. The vast majority of Americans have set aside those hurtful politics, and come to recognize that anything--anything!--two or more like-minded mammals choose to do with, on, or to each other is not only permissible, but moral--and to offer any objection is to be divisive--divisive!--and hateful.
I. Am. Appalled.
In other news, the Womens Legal Defense Fund reports that 42.2% of single-parent households led by women are below the poverty line. Because of the schmucks who left their first wives behind for some ditzy bimbo.
Nov '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
The false choice of today's society in a nutshell. Our desires, or everyone else's -- that is all that exists, all we have to base decisions on.
That is what happens when you reject absolute truth, and the authority of a Creator.
Apr '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
A moral idiot. But you can't say "idiot" anymore.
Anyway. I'm just glad he wasn't a priest in my diocese. At least it isn't going to cost me any money.
Mar '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
"The heart wants what the heart wants" has always bothered me. It seems that it's almost always a justification for selfishness. Especially when "what the heart wants" means abandoning wives and children and husbands.
Mar '11
Re: Follow Your Heart
Grendel
A moral idiot. But you can't say "idiot" anymore.
You can't say "moral" anymore.
Sep '10
Re: Follow Your Heart
I hate to have to do this but I'm going to be a bit contrary here. First, this is a non-story. It has little to do with politics. Where it may have something to do with politics, that is- the rotting of our culture and the culture of narcissism, the discussion falls woefully short.
I would ignore this but for the fact that it was promoted to the main page here.
There are hundreds bad choices people can make when selecting a mate and age difference could certainly be one of them. So What?
I'm not here to defend this guy or his choices. I don't know what his first wife is like or what their marriage is like. Apparently his kids are grown yet he's somehow abandoning them. He will probably be taken to the cleaners by his wife's lawyer yet somehow he's leaving her in poverty.
He's an idiot perhaps - he thinks he's in love and so does she. If he's so bad then maybe his wife is lucky to be rid of him. We all suffer from various illusions.
A lot of easy finger-wagging here.