Fathers, sons, examples
Rod reminisces on Father's Day. And worries, a little:
it troubles me that Matthew won't have Pawpaw as an example. As a new father, I am grasping for a way to articulate manly virtue for my boy in a way that doesn't feel phony. It's impossible to imagine speaking of "manliness" or "virtue" in the world I inhabit now, filled with well-meaning, highly educated men and women who would have to put ironic quotation marks around those words or die of embarrassment.
Am I this way too? I worry about that. My dad never does.
Despite our unparalleled American ability to live lives of our own choosing, and even of our own creation, we're fundamentally mimetic (that is, imitative) creatures. And there's nothing quite like a pattern of imitation between fathers and sons over time -- some of it conscious, some of it unconscious, some of it in the gauzy space between. It can work wonders for individuals, for families, and for cultures. But, as Plato recognized, it has its limits. In a way, the whole of Plato's philosophy emerges from the insight that our imitative power is always deeply imperfect; sons will never perfectly replicate their fathers, or even replicate what's best or worst about them. We're radically free and radically determined. And that points to manliness and virtue as much as it does toward forgiveness and love.
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Comments :
Feb '10
Re: Fathers, sons, examples
I feel no phoniness raising my son in the kind of manliness I saw in my father. It is not the fake, outward type of machismo that shows off physical strength, treats like the plague anything that might remotely be seen as "girly," and tries to keep up a fake bravado and toughness all the time.
Rather, it is an inner manliness, an inner strength. A manliness that keeps its word. That protects and provides for the family physically, spiritually and emotionally. One that is strong enough to admit faults. That can overlook put-downs and insults for the greater good. That takes an interest and leadership in forming children.
Neither my father nor I live up to these standards, but just as he aspired to them and on balance was a successful father, I aspire to them, believe in them, and try to model and instill them in my son. I don't feel fake doing so, except to the degree to which I'm a hypocrite-- but then, having to teach my son propels me to better my own life.