Aaron Miller · April 19, 2012 at 1:50pm

If Ricochet embodies any lesson, it's the educational potential of casual conversation.

As I was getting a tire repaired today, I spoke with an Air Force veteran who taught me a little about the history of Continental Airlines, USAF bases around the country and how they have been adapted or closed, obsolete air-conditioning systems of the 1970s, and how a boy's unfamiliarity with firearms contributed to the tragic death of his son. All of this in less than an hour. Last time I was in a tire shop, I had a long conversation with a friend of Ted Poe, my Congressman, about the challenges of being a junior Representative.

I can't even begin to recount all the knowledge and perspective I have acquired through casual conversations with associates and with strangers. Some persons — like the sort so regularly found on Ricochet — relay such a wealth of experience that I would gladly trade half my books for a weekend of chatting on a back porch.

Formal education has its benefits, too, of course. But there's so much to be learned that is not prefaced by a cover or description. Inviting conversations with strangers is a skill I am only beginning to learn, but one well worth pursuing.

Do Ricochet's more sociable members have any tips for striking up more-than-topical conversations with strangers?

Comments:



Joined
Nov '11
Sandy

I find it most profitable to ask people questions related to what they do.   Most recently I learned from the Critter Control guy (I had squirrels in my attic) that the coyotes and possums and raccoons who live in  my urban neighborhood near D.C. live in the sewer system, that eastern coyotes  have interbred with dogs and are impossible to trap, and that the squirrels in my attic had set up a "bachelor pad."    As you point out, Aaron, no end of valuable information.


Joined
Feb '11
david foster

I was flying back from Paris to US once, and Air France had to change the airplane at the last minute. The new plane wasn't configured to have First Class, and the guy sitting next to me (in Business Class) was fuming and raving about losing out on his FC ticket. Trying to get him to talk about something else, I asked him what he did for a living. Turned out he was a Communist organizer, on the way back from some Communist meeting in France...


Joined
Feb '11
david foster

One great example of a conversation with a stranger...in 1953, an IBM salesman named Blair Smith found himself sitting next to the American Airlines CEO, C R Smith. As they were talking, the AA guy mentioned his frustrations with the increasingly-unwieldy reservations process. Blair Smith suggested that the technology IBM was developing for a national air defense system (SAGE) might be applicable to the problem. This conversation led directly to IBM's sale to AA of the first fully-computerized reservations system, also resulting in IBM business with other airlines and the beginnings of the commercial market for on-line systems.

Foxman
Joined
Dec '10
Foxman
david foster: One great example of a conversation with a stranger...in 1953, an IBM salesman named Blair Smith found himself sitting next to the American Airlines CEO, C R Smith. As they were talking, the AA guy mentioned his frustrations with the increasingly-unwieldy reservations process. Blair Smith suggested that the technology IBM was developing for a national air defense system (SAGE) might be applicable to the problem. This conversation led directly to IBM's sale to AA of the first fully-computerized reservations system, also resulting in IBM business with other airlines and the beginnings of the commercial market for on-line systems. · 43 minutes ago

So it's Blair Smith fault, is it?  He's probably dead by now which is too bad because I can't kill him.

Larry Koler
Joined
Jun '10
Larry Koler

KC Mulville: The art of learning is much more than gathering information. That's where conversation, as Aaron points out, becomes much more valuable.

...

Within each narrative, the "meaning" of each fact is how it's associated and related to the picture as a whole. (Take a bow, Wittgenstein.)

Conversations enable knowledge because they supply the narrative that relates and associates facts into coherent pictures.

And, because conversations aread hoc, they have the flexibility to repair or fill-in gaps in the narrative. You may have always known that X is true, but a conversation will show you how X fits into W-X-Y-Z. 

Absolute perfection, KC. Truly. Thanks for the short course.

(And I love the Wittgenstein reference.)

Larry Koler
Joined
Jun '10
Larry Koler
david foster: I was flying back from Paris to US once, and Air France had to change the airplane at the last minute. The new plane wasn't configured to have First Class, and the guy sitting next to me (in Business Class) was fuming and raving about losing out on his FC ticket. Trying to get him to talk about something else, I asked him what he did for a living. Turned out he was a Communist organizer, on the way back from some Communist meeting in France... · 2 hours ago

Elites! I tell you. Don't get me started.

Beasley
Joined
Dec '10
Beasley
10 cents: Asking for help?  People like to help other people. 

I think this is undervalued. One thing I have noticed is that when given a chance to help another person, it is often the person who lends the assistance who develops the stronger bond to the recipient of their service, than the other way around. 

Moral of the story...give people an opportunity to help you. It makes them feel useful and in that way ingratiates them to you. Its a good way to open lines of communication.

10 cents
Joined
Dec '11
10 cents

Helping people is a great conversation starter. Just showing common courtesy when people are struggling. On trips at airports as I am waiting in line sometimes I ask the family where they flew from or flying to.  I had a good conversation with someone coming back from China who was doing a documentary there.

The important thing about starting a conversation is knowing when to stop.  People let you know they don't want to talk. If they don't want to talk stop talking and read your book or do something else.  To be a good conversationalist silence at times is a great virtue. On flights in particular some people just want to sleep or watch the movies so it is rude to force a conversation.


Joined
Apr '12
RadiantRecluse

A dear friend of my husband's family was a master conversation starter.  She would wander around a crowded room and upon her return would fill us in on the stories of the people to whom she spoke.  The lovely lady is gone now, but the example of her sincere interest in others was a lesson we will never forget.  Listening intently to others has brought a wealth of knowledge and vicarious experiences.

Mark Wilson
Joined
May '10
Mark Wilson

I have a t-shirt from college that has a printed quotation on the back from my aerodynamics professor:

If you don't know it, you better start drinking beer with someone who does.  That's how engineering works.

Lady Bertrum
Joined
Apr '11
Lady Bertrum

Most people actually love to tell almost anyone who will listen what they know.  Just ask and listen. 


Joined
Dec '10
BKelley14

I've had fantastic conversations with my fellow Hyundai owners in the Hyundai Service Center waiting room. Most of us were there for checkpoint service, not problems. Ask about what model car/suv they have and the conversation starts. And leads to all manner of topics. I never mind my service appointments at that place.

KC Mulville
Joined
Jan '11
KC Mulville

Larry Koler

Absolute perfection, KC. Truly. Thanks for the short course.

(And I love the Wittgenstein reference.) 

High praise indeed- thank you.

Aaron Miller
Joined
May '10
Aaron Miller

Wow. Thanks for the many great responses!

I agree that communicating deep interest is important, though I must often resist the urge to interrupt someone's long story with some contribution of my own.

You're right, KC, about the difference between facts and stories. You might be interested in something I wrote years ago concerning storytelling in video games.

Stu In Tokyo: ...."You'll never guess where I got these socks..." 

It so happens that I sometimes wear an Irish cap with just such magical properties. Whenever I wear it, suddendly, complete strangers talk to me like an old friend.

And yes, I was wearing that cap on the aforementioned day.


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