BREAKING: Medvedev's Cat is Safe!
I have all sorts of completely depressing news to discuss with you today, Ricochet, but let's start with the good news:
Setting aside fears for a new arms race with the United States or the conflict in Syria, President Dmitry Medvedev took to Twitter Wednesday to reassure Russia on another burning issue -- the wellbeing of his cat.
Presidential pet Dorofey had not, contrary to press reports and frenzied Internet speculation, gone missing.
"It has become known from sources close to Dorofey that he didn't disappear. Thank you for your concern, everyone," tweeted Medvedev.
Russian social media users have been having a field day speculating about the cat's alleged escape, with at least two Twitter accounts created in Dorofey's name to post updates of his whereabouts and his decision to join the nascent protest movement.
"I am tired of politics! I want family and kids!" one Dorofey impersonator @Dorofey_Kot tweeted.
Right. Enough sentimentalism. You're still our number one foe, Russkie. (Actually, I'd have demoted you to number four, but top five, for sure.)