Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
In a new book Proud to Be Right, Jonah Goldberg has collected and edited essays from a group of conservative writers who "rebut the conventional wisdom that the next generation is uniformly liberal." One such writer, Katherine Miller, is the editor of the Student Free Press Association and an excerpt of her excellent essay from the book appears here (h/t John Miller at The Corner).
The essay, "Man Up," is about the feminization of "elite" men. To Miller, these men need to "man up."
“We live in more of a p#$$y generation now,” Clint Eastwood told Esquire magazine last year. “[E]verybody’s become used to saying, ‘Well, how do we handle it psychologically?’”
Eastwood tells truths. America’s elite has a problem. It’s skinny jeans and scarves, it’s Bama bangs and pants with tiny, tiny embroidered lobsters, it’s Michael Cera, it’s guys who compliment a girl’s dress by brand, it’s guys who don’t know who bats fourth for the Yankees. Between the hipsters and the fratstars, American intellectual men under the age of twenty-five have lost track of acting like Men—and these are our future leaders. We have no John Wayne, no Clint Eastwood. And girls? Girls hate it.
This all occurred to me at 1:47 a.m. on November 8, 2008...Out of some cruel, dazzling dark corner of my metal heart, a single thought formulated: Man up....
But perhaps you don’t believe me. Maybe you live in some neo-noir situation where the men smoke on dark corners or in open plains and don’t wear scarves unless it’s cold enough to cut a hole in some ice and pull a fish out, and even then are a little hesitant about the whole thing. I don’t know your life.
Katherine Miller doesn't know my life.
It sounds like Miller went to a school where the men and women have drifted into androgyny as "girls isolate aspects of masculinity" and men "soften" and tell you they "don’t feel respected."
That was not my experience at college. I went to a school where the social ideal was called "The Hard Guy"--The Hard Guy would have laughed in the face of Miller's soft, feeling-obsessed boys.
It's unbecoming of the Hard Guy to talk emotions. He is stoical and impervious to pain. The Hard Guy is loyal and fraternal. He is physically aggressive and exudes sexual confidence. He is the Animal House ideal lived and relived. And he manned up, let me tell you, but that wasn't always a good thing.
In fact, one night, when I was out with some friends, I saw what "manning up" meant to these guys. Right before my freshman eyes, a couple of them filled two very tall glasses to the brim with cheap vodka and whiskey. One raised his glass and, with a maniacal laugh, told the other to "Man Up or Man Out [expletive deleted]." They both started chugging this drink, which was christened on the spot as "The Man Out." The one with the maniacal laugh then wiped his mouth with his sleeve, while the other stood uneasily, and then darted for the nearest trash can in sight. He "Manned Out." The other "Manned Up."
Not too long ago, a couple of alums (men) created a website (now defunct) devoted to selling t-shirts for Hard Guys who "Man Up." The site featured a picture of one of the website's founders pouring Jack Daniels over his cereal.
Here are some of the sayings from those Hard Guy t-shirts: "Your Friday night is my Monday morning." "Hard Guy Dating: Having a girlfriend and not even liking her." “Hard Guy Gambling: Five bullets, six chambers.”
Here is how one of the site's founders described Manning Up and The Hard Guy: “The...philosophy is extremist, primitive, and self-destructive, but it’s still pretty damn funny."
It is funny, except when young men actually take it seriously. Then it's pathetic. (What's even more pathetic is when women, in the name of being "strong" and "empowered," try to ape Hard Guy behavior, which was also a common social phenomenon that I saw--but that's a separate issue I won't get into now.)
I know that men in our culture, in large part thanks to feminism, are becoming increasingly androgynous and feminine--less manly--but let's be precise when we discuss the solution to this problem. Instead of yearning for men who "Man Up," and their idolization of primitive masculinity, why can't we hope for a higher--and dare I say, elite--ideal: The Gentleman, and his embodiment of courage, civility, integrity, and dignity. That's what's missing from the youth culture today.
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Comments :
Sep '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Excellent post Emily. What the author should have said was "grow up" not "man up". Joseph Epstein had an excellent essay in, I think, The Weekly Standard a few years back about the new barbarians, and Jacques Barzun noted with some alarm in The House of Intellect, people who knew everything there was to know about professional sports, and little else.
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Thank you! And yes, I agree that the anthem of Miller's piece should have been "Grow Up" not "Man Up." I think most of the flaws with youth culture--and, probably, people at large--is immaturity. The only problem, as Mark Steyn has noted, is that the young are not outgrowing their youth. We live in the age of geriatric teenagers, he writes.
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
I also want to say this: I don't think the problem falls only on the shoulders of young men, as Miller does. I say that young men need to embrace the Gentleman ideal (as opposed to to the Hard Guy ideal), but there's no reason why a woman can't embrace the Gentleman ideal too. The virtues I cite as being "gentlemanly"--courage, civility, dignity, integrity--are universal. And part of the reason why men can get away with their immature conception of "manliness" (the Hard Guy) is because women not only let them, but women actively participate in Hard Guy behavior.
May '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
"Man up" in this case would more accurately be described as "boy up."
Both the man up and androgyny schticks are an outgrowth of extending adolescence into the mid twenties. If more men were working and married and raising kids at 22-25, as had been the case back when "men were men," there'd be less indulging in this silliness. There wouldn't be time, for one thing.
College has become a boyhood subsidy.
Aug '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Immaturity is one of our primary cultural problems. What you saw in college is not masculinity but childishness. If coeds had collectively said "grow up!", would those boys have done it?
Diane West's Death of the Grown Up is excellent on this and from a Christian standpoint, Richard Phillip's The Masculine Mandate is excellent.
As a fraternity pledge, I had to learn this:
"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."
I hope in some way I reflect this.
Aug '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Scott Reusser: "Man up" in this case would more accurately be described as "boy up."
Both the man up and androgyny schticks are an outgrowth of extending adolescence into the mid twenties. If more men were working and married and raising kids at 22-25, as had been the case back when "men were men," there'd be less indulging in this silliness. There wouldn't be time, for one thing.
College has become a boyhood subsidy. · Oct 14 at 5:22am
I totally agree with you, Scott. Men need to get on with life. This getting married at 35 and having your first kid at 40 crap needs to stop.
Hey slacker, your kid doesn't want a geriatric dad so grow up and start your family in your twenties like you're supposed to.
Besides, then you can be an empty nester in your 50s when life REALLY get interesting!
May '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
...at which time, Frozen, we can all go walleye fishing.
Oct '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
We indeed have to be careful about admonishing young men to "man up."
Manhood and fatherhood, as portrayed on television, are following a downward path that will eventually lead to all men being perceived as completely dysfunctional when not directly supervised by their women. Men, husbands in particular, are almost always portrayed as spineless, idiotic chimpanzees in need of the guidance and protection of their morally superior wives and children.
Some men ignore this, others redouble their efforts at being good husbands, sons, and fathers. Some, however, react by behaving even more idiotically than they are portrayed as being on TV. After all, they think, it's what they're expected to live up to.
May '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
And here's a suggestion for college women seeking actual men. Conspicuously go on a date with the guy welding steel girders on the new $100 million student center. A) You might have a decent time, and B) your other potential suitors will lose their scarves and affected fem-accents real quick.
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Yes, but that would require young men actually asking young women out on dates first, which is nearly obsolete!
So here's a question: should the woman ask the man out? And on a related note: is it ever ok for a woman to propose to a man?
Sep '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Yes, but that would require young men actually asking young women out on dates first, which is nearly obsolete!
It is? Well, what do I know, I'm an old cat.
Oct '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
What you describe was not 'Maning up' but rather the 'boying up' that is endemic in our culture. 'Manning up' requires accepting the responsibilities of manly adulthood in all of its various forms - working, providing and caring for a family. Besottedness, sports infaturation, bar hopping and generally remaining in late adolescence is not manly it is stunted boyishness. As the father of fine daughters who are generally dateless I struggle to come to grips with this lack of manliness in men under 40 these days.
Aug '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
For some mysterious reason, men everywhere seem unable to find the middle ground between the contemptible extremes. It's been this way my whole life, and I was born when Truman was president.
I found the middle ground a long time ago, but have been attacked and vilified at times by both ends of the spectrum. It's the price one must pay for enlightenment, and an example of the harsh negative proving the positive. You can know a person best by observing their enemies.
Aug '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Amen, sister. When more women start demanding that men act like gentlemen, more men will act like gentlemen.
I never did. But then, I didn't date as much as a result. I heard after the fact that there was a surplus of guys interested in me, had I only known it, but dang it, I wanted a man who was at least brave enough to face rejection if he asked me out.
Ever? Probably. Like, if you're having your boyfriend's baby and he doesn't propose to you, you have an obligation to propose to him for your child's sake.
But on average? No. Too many women who go this route end up rejecting the men who care about them and choosing vain, selfish jerks who'll divorce them.
Edited on Oct 14, 2010 at 7:14amAug '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Don't worry about them being dateless. Worry about them marrying happily.
That's what dating's ultimately for, after all, and if you achieve happy marriage, it doesn't matter how "pathetic" your dating life beforehand was.
Also, there's nothing wrong with marrying an "older man", provided you do this with foresight.
What is important, in the case of women, is that -- especially if they want kids -- they don't put off seeking a husband too long. All else being equal, it's just easier to attract good men in your 20s than it is your 30s, and your 30s than it is your 40s. Youth even beats beauty here.
If your daughters feel their biological clocks ticking, and they want to get wed, like, yesterday, they should consider a reputable online matchmaking service. Really.
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
herb briggs: We indeed have to be careful about admonishing young men to "man up."
Manhood and fatherhood, as portrayed on television, are following a downward path that will eventually lead to all men being perceived as completely dysfunctional when not directly supervised by their women. Men, husbands in particular, are almost always portrayed as spineless, idiotic chimpanzees in need of the guidance and protection of their morally superior wives and children.
· Oct 14 at 6:10am
You have hit on one of my biggest pet peeves as a television writer...the idiot dad. It's rise came from the great comedy killer, political correctness. When you can't have fun at the expense of any ethnic/gender group but white males, then you create the hapless, helpless idiot dad. And don't think this was created by a group of emasculating women sitting around a writers' table in Hollywood. There is no such thing. (Men still outnumber women on a table by 4 to 1. And the guys who hire tend not to hire emasculating women. They get that at home.) No, the idiot dad was the desperate last hope other white males forced into a comedy corner.
Sep '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
I agree with most of the sentiments here, but I do need to put in a word for a man being a little more cat like in his aloofness.
May '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Emily Esfahani Smith, Ed.
Yes, but that would require young men actually asking young women out on dates first, which is nearly obsolete! · Oct 14 at 6:20am
Hold on a minute here. When I was still dating, I always asked out the women I was interested in. 80% of the time they either A) gave a non committal answer, avoided me like the plague, then acted like I was crazy when I followed up or B) led me on for a while before coming up with a lame excuse.
This dishonest rejection was the worst part of dating.
The only time I received a straight 'no' answer was when the woman was already committed. And, with one or two exceptions, when they said yes, they usually turned out being hyper liberals, which pretty much doomed the relationship beyond a date or two.
So, tell me, why exactly would a guy want to go through this process? Don't criticize contemporary male courage, when most contemporary women can't give a simple 'no' answer when they're not interested.
Eventually, my wife asked me out (sort of) and I took my ball and ran with it.
Edited on Oct 14, 2010 at 8:24amMay '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Denise Moss
You have hit on one of my biggest pet peeves as a television writer...the idiot dad. It's rise came from the great comedy killer, political correctness.
Isn't it also the result of Hollywood's inability to write un-ironic dialogue? A Mr. Brady-like line ("What have you learned from this, Greg?) would be impossible to pull off today.
May '10
Re: Do Men Need to "Man Up"?
Emily Esfahani Smith, Ed.
Yes, but that would require young men actually asking young women out on dates first, which is nearly obsolete!
So here's a question: should the woman ask the man out? And on a related note: is it ever ok for a woman to propose to a man? · Oct 14 at 6:20am
If they didn't ask men out, I'd never get a date (well, between that and office harrassment). The woman should never propose marriage, however. That, of course, is a whole different situation. I mean, you're sure of your ground by then, and there's practically zero chance of rejection. Unless you're Rob, and propose right out of the gate.
So basically, women should do the hard stuff, and men should get the glory. Works for me.