One of the things I am famous for is my tact. Another is my ability to empathize and always see the other point of view. I also really love kissing babies. And I adore it when strangers come up to me and tell me at great length what their particular hobby horse is. And not a day goes by when I don't find myself thinking: "I wonder what else government could do to make everything better."
No, not really. I lie. I loathe the grubbiness, compromise, and mendacity of the political process and I despise most politicians. So what the hell am I doing even contemplating the possibility of standing for election as a British MP?
Well, it's one of those things that has come at me out of the blue. A Tory MP called Louise Mensch has resigned in order to spend more time with her kids and rock manager US husband (he manages Metallica), which means a "by-election" has been called to fill her vacant seat. And by spooky coincidence I happen to be moving at this very moment out of London and into (or at least near to) the Northamptonshire constituency she is about to vacate. Is that a Sign from God, or what?
Well possibly. If He has a plan for me I think it's purely to vex our dismal Conservative party which has had all the conservatism drained out of it by the appalling David Cameron. Just to annoy him I shall stand - IF I stand, that is - for UKIP (sometimes known as the Tory party in exile). UKIP believes in low taxes, small government, British laws rather than EU laws and liberty. If I did stand, I almost certainly wouldn't win. What I'd do is steal from the Conservative candidate all the disaffected Tory votes which otherwise might have been his (or hers) by default. Thus would victory go to the Labour (ie left-wing) candidate. But that's OK. When Conservatives stray too far from their purpose, they need a good slap to remind them what they stand far. And unfortunately, unlike you, we don't have a Tea Party here to remind us what real Conservatives believe.