Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
One of the things I am famous for is my tact. Another is my ability to empathize and always see the other point of view. I also really love kissing babies. And I adore it when strangers come up to me and tell me at great length what their particular hobby horse is. And not a day goes by when I don't find myself thinking: "I wonder what else government could do to make everything better."
No, not really. I lie. I loathe the grubbiness, compromise, and mendacity of the political process and I despise most politicians. So what the hell am I doing even contemplating the possibility of standing for election as a British MP?
Well, it's one of those things that has come at me out of the blue. A Tory MP called Louise Mensch has resigned in order to spend more time with her kids and rock manager US husband (he manages Metallica), which means a "by-election" has been called to fill her vacant seat. And by spooky coincidence I happen to be moving at this very moment out of London and into (or at least near to) the Northamptonshire constituency she is about to vacate. Is that a Sign from God, or what?
Well possibly. If He has a plan for me I think it's purely to vex our dismal Conservative party which has had all the conservatism drained out of it by the appalling David Cameron. Just to annoy him I shall stand - IF I stand, that is - for UKIP (sometimes known as the Tory party in exile). UKIP believes in low taxes, small government, British laws rather than EU laws and liberty. If I did stand, I almost certainly wouldn't win. What I'd do is steal from the Conservative candidate all the disaffected Tory votes which otherwise might have been his (or hers) by default. Thus would victory go to the Labour (ie left-wing) candidate. But that's OK. When Conservatives stray too far from their purpose, they need a good slap to remind them what they stand far. And unfortunately, unlike you, we don't have a Tea Party here to remind us what real Conservatives believe.
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Comments:
Jan '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Sounds like you do now.
As for your qualifications:
If you can manage #1, you have all the qualifications you need.
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Yes!
Can you accept overseas campaign contributions?
You simply must run.
(And remember the hack-writer's rule: even if you lose, there's a book in it.)
Apr '12
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
James, do it. Review Churchill and see how many times he did not get voted in and got voted out. He did write about the experience in his famous history books which I was just dipping into this weekend. At the age of 44, he came out of WWI. Yes. That old and he still was to write his histories of WWI, and WWII and History of the English Speaking People. You would get a good bashing so keep god friends around you, try not to do Churchill's level of drinking or smoking, although he did live into his 90s. It would be excellent. If you do, I will have to renew my British passport to vote for you.
Mar '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
I was thinking you might consider the example of Roderick Spode for your campaign model?
Seriously though, if Boris Johnson can do it, so can you.
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
James, if you win I may end up being the first American who pledges to move out of the country because someone won abroad rather than because someone lost at home.
Jul '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
How much for your soul? If the answer is that it's not for sale then go for old boy. Blast em amidships.
May '10
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
The only real question is, will it bring you closer to becoming Lord Delingpole??
Mar '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
James Delingpole:
If I did stand, I almost certainly wouldn't win. What I'd do is steal from the Conservative candidate all the disaffected Tory votes which otherwise might have been his (or hers) by default. Thus would victory go to the Labour (ie left-wing) candidate.
That's reminiscent of WFB's run for the mayorality of New York City in 1965. He ran to try to siphon support from John Lindsay, ostensibly a Republican. When asked what the first thing he would do if he won, he said "Demand a recount."
Jun '10
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Have this line available (compliments of William F. Buckley when he ran for NY mayor):
Q. What's the first thing you'll do if elected?
A. Demand a recount.
Seriously, your quest sounds more doable than Mr. Buckley's given that it's a Tory seat. Go for it. You have nothing to lose, and at worst it will be fodder for some great columns.
Over in the states we'll learn about the time you kicked sand in another third-grader's face during recess. The insane environmentalist-lefties will make a bunch of stuff up. Based on entertainment value alone, I say "do it."
Jun '10
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Percival
James Delingpole:
If I did stand, I almost certainly wouldn't win. What I'd do is steal from the Conservative candidate all the disaffected Tory votes which otherwise might have been his (or hers) by default. Thus would victory go to the Labour (ie left-wing) candidate.
That's reminiscent of WFB's run for the mayorality of New York City in 1965. He ran to try to siphon support from John Lindsay, ostensibly a Republican. When asked what the first thing he would do if he won, he said "Demand a recount." ยท 5 minutes ago
Percival: Dirty pool. You beat me to that line by 30 seconds. This is twice in three days. I've got to improve my keyboarding skills.
Dec '10
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
If W.F. Buckley could run for mayor of NYC, you can for MP! Here in Baltimore MD, the local GOP always puts up candidates, even though the prospects are dismal.
Get in their face!
Jun '12
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Oh do it! PM's Question Time would be priceless!
Aug '10
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Rob Long:
Can you accept overseas campaign contributions?
I hold British citizenship, so if you wanna funnel your contributions through me, I'd be happy to oblige.
Just send your cheques to "Happy Dude", 742 Evergreen Terrace ...
Of course you can trust me.
Aug '10
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Also, may I suggest stealing your manifesto from the Rhinoceros Party of Canada?
One of my favourite planks: Abolish the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up too much space.
Mar '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Err, no - you don't. I always fancied Ms Mensch.. Err, I mean, as a future Mrs Thatcher.As Mr Powell (Enoch) pointed out, all politics ends in failure.
Sep '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
I think we must do more than simply sign the "draft James" petition (and you all must do that).
We must organize his campaign for him.
Now, here in rural Pennsylvania, you have to consider the various important political constituencies--and organize events for them, or participate in events they have already scheduled.
Trust me, we have your back. Your opponents will never know what hit them....
Jul '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Lord Delingpole -
This is serendipitous indeed! Like Gandhi said, be the change you want to see. So even f you don't like the inner workings of politics and you are not convinced you'll win, give it an old college try! If you win, change the things you don't like. If not, tell your grand kids about it.
You owe it to us humble readers :-)
Nov '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
On a serious note, James (WARNING: hardcore libertarianism ahead!):
Why grant them your sanction by participating in their system?
Jan '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
I'm planning on entering politics for the last ten years or so of my life, so I can have this thing people call a "pension"
Apr '11
Re: Do I Really Want to Be a Politician?
Just do it James - if it doesn't work out come back to Australia and be pm here!