Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
The dating website OK Cupid is run by nerds. Very very nerdish nerds, who like to analyze the huge amount of data a site like that generates -- clicks, likes, messages between members, attractiveness ratings, etc.
That swirl of data gets crunched and processed and discussed in their excellent blog, and the results are never less than fascinating.
Today, for instance, they dive deeply into different patterns of "messaging" among their female members. Meaning: which ladies get noticed, get email messages from the guys, and why. The results are interesting, but fair warning: the language of nerds, when talking about math and the ladies, is pretty blunt. What they discovered is that, statistically, the most popular women on the site aren't the ones with the highest attractiveness ratings. They're the ones with the most disparate.
A lady with her attractiveness ratings divided into a barbell shape -- lots of 1's, lots of 5's -- gets more attention than a lady with lots of 7's. Better, apparently, to have some guys think you're hot and some guys think you're totally not, than have most guys think you're cute:
Our first result was to compare the standard deviation of a woman's votes to the messages she gets. The more men disagree about a woman's looks, the more they like her. If someone doesn't think you're hot, the next best thing for them to think is that you're ugly.
But why is this so? The math nerds introduce a little game theory:
Suppose you're a man who's really into someone. If you suspect other men are uninterested, it means less competition. You therefore have an added incentive to send a message. You might start thinking: maybe she's lonely. . . maybe she's just waiting to find a guy who appreciates her. . . at least I won't get lost in the crowd. . . maybe these small thoughts, plus the fact that you really think she's hot, prod you to action. You send her the perfectly crafted opening message.
"sup"
On the other hand, a woman with a preponderance of '4' votes, someone conventionally cute, but not totally hot, might appear to be more in-demand than she actually is. To the typical man considering her, she's obviously attractive enough to create the impression that other guys are into her, too. But maybe she's hot enough for him to throw caution (and grammar) to the wind and send her a message. It's the curse of being cute.
So the smart strategy for women on dating sites, according to the cascades of data streaming through OK Cupid's servers, is:
We now have mathematical evidence that minimizing your "flaws" is the opposite of what you should do. If you're a little chubby, play it up. If you have a big nose, play it up. If you have a weird snaggletooth, play it up: statistically, the guys who don't like it can only help you, and the ones who do like it will be all the more excited.
Counter-intuitive, but when it comes to things like this, I trust the nerds. They have the most attractive feature of all: data.
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Jan '11
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Oops I'm an idiot - my above post is just reiterating the point of the article, apologies!
May '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
I wonder how different my life would have been had there been such sites for weird-looking and bashful nerds in 1970? I might have dated a little bit before I was lucky enough to meet Rubber Duckie.
Jun '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Diane Ellis, Ed.: This reminds me of the Nash Equilibrium game theory scenario in the bar scene of A Beautiful Mind. I tried in vain to find a youtube clip of the scene, but the article linked to above gives you the gist of the idea.
You can stop right there, sister. Men my age don't go to bars to pick up women. I happen to be a member of a cigar bar where the object is to provide a convivial place where gentlemen can enjoy a good smoke and a good bourbon in the company of other gentlemen. The membership fee ensures that stray women don't make it through the door. I'm betting the demographics for the "club" match closely the profile of Ricochet's male members: fifty-ish, educated, middle class, conservative, mortgaged, investor-class, established, and fully aware that inviting a lawyer into your life for reasons of personal misconduct will be a painful and expensive experience.
Oct '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Online dating sites are an incredible waste of time. The only way to win that game is not to play.
Edited on Jan 10, 2011 at 6:27pmMay '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
I'm a photographer and I've had 30 years giving people a look when I shoot them so I saw something different in those photos. Say someone's going for a job as an airline stewardess you shoot her firstly as relaxed and sweet and then the next shot is self-possessed and sexy. Well, the results from the job panel parallel the dating website. Some men on the job panel are turned off by the alluring look but most think it's great. The sweet look will have most of the men on the panel liking it but not baying and howling. (By the way I advise the potential stewardesses to go for the sweet look on the form. How do they they know that it's not going to be a woman judging them for the job?)
It's the same thing with the dating website. I think that if the blonde looked passionate and the brunette looked sweet then the popularity results would be reversed. And as a photographer it would be a very easy thing to do.
Jul '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Title: Ok Cupid Proves Ugly Ok
Aug '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Isn't there a similar effect for cars? Often the cars that sell beyond expectation are the ones that many thought were ugly or really hated. I think in both cases the it depends on strong emotions. Cute just doesn't elicit a strong response; it's vanilla. A girl you really like or really don't does. Strong feelings are probably the source of high response rates.
Sep '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
I knew one day a Ricochet topic would come along for which I would have particular expertise. You see, I’ve made something of a career of studying ugly women. It didn’t start out that way, but, well…
My observations, sometimes quite up-close, have discovered some interesting things. First, “ugly” might be selected-for by evolutionary pressures. The theory being, that pretty people are more likely to carry STD’s (due to the gratuitous sex, being pretty and all). This leads to infertility and early death, which our ancient (ugly) ancestors avoided.
Secondly, “pretty” itself, can be considered a spiritual-handicap, in that much of the aforementioned gratuitous sex is probably sin. Ugly people are, by definition, free of these physical temptations (mental sin is another matter).
Lastly, to quote the calypsonian Mighty Charmer (1950’s recording artist, Louis Farrakhan): “If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, Get an ugly girl to marry you.”
Oct '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Jimmy Soul had it figured out long before the nerds at OK Cupid: "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you."
May '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Music to your ears...
May '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Pseudodionysius: Of course these worldly gentlemen will have trouble explaining what happens when someone puts up a completely fake avatar. Then, the only judgements that can be made is based on what someone writes or doesn't write or writes about drinking, expensive Italian shotguns, and single malt scotch whiskey.
Game theory indeed. · Jan 10 at 12:05pm
Wh-whh-at are you s-s-saying, Pseudo? You-you're not a feline?
Sep '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
FeliciaB
Pseudodionysius: Of course these worldly gentlemen will have trouble explaining what happens when someone puts up a completely fake avatar. Then, the only judgements that can be made is based on what someone writes or doesn't write or writes about drinking, expensive Italian shotguns, and single malt scotch whiskey.
Game theory indeed. · Jan 10 at 12:05pm
Wh-whh-at are you s-s-saying, Pseudo? You-you're not a feline? · Jan 11 at 10:36a
Oops.
May '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Pseudodionysius
FeliciaB
Pseudodionysius: Of course these worldly gentlemen will have trouble explaining what happens when someone puts up a completely fake avatar. Then, the only judgements that can be made is based on what someone writes or doesn't write or writes about drinking, expensive Italian shotguns, and single malt scotch whiskey.
Game theory indeed. · Jan 10 at 12:05pm
Wh-whh-at are you s-s-saying, Pseudo? You-you're not a feline? · Jan 11 at 10:36a
Oops. · Jan 11 at 12:32pm
Aaww, what fool let the cat out of the bag??? He looks so pitiful sitting out there all by himself, doesn't he? C'mon, someobody help me stuff him back in the sack before it starts snowing again. And throw some extra garbage scraps in there for a special treat for him, will ya? There's nothin' sadder than a cold, caterwauling tomcat.
Oct '10
Re: Dating Website Strategy: Don't Be Cute, Be Ugly
Indeed it is, as is the timeless lament of Dion DiMucci.