Chirping My Way Northeast
In some respects, a new semi handles much like a new car. The steering is very sensitive, and the vehicle negotiates bumps and potholes with a determined, quiet toughness. But there are ways to loosen it up a bit. For example, pulling successive loaded trailers containing at least 43,000 pounds of freight, and then routing said trailers through some of the worst roads in the country will take some of the starch out.
My passenger seat is already starting to chirp as if a nest of hungry baby birds were lodged in the cushion and screeching for a fresh bug. The solution is to purchase an inexpensive elastic strap, wrap it around the seat and secure it to a nearby object so as to prevent the seat from wobbling and chirping. If that doesn't work, a second strap can be anchored to the cabinet just under the television thereby securing it from another direction. If that doesn't quiet the birds, I suppose a third strap can be routed out the window, around the side of the tractor, to the back rail and secured to the smokestack. Or perhaps a fourth strap can be used to hang the seat from a tree limb. My old truck used to have a chirping seat, along with a chirping desk, a squeaking dashboard, and a shrieking fuse box. The result was elastic straps suspended in all directions like a spider web, and tissues wedged around the squeaky edges of the fuse box. And when that didn't work, I occasionally succumbed to that most human of emotions by walloping it with the road atlas. Sometimes even that didn't work and I had to resort to thrashing it good and proper. I always felt better after that.
Today's work assignment brought me to Mehoopany, PA, where I and my shiny new truck sat in the mud for a few hours while the good people of Proctor and Gamble loaded the trailer with products bound for Connecticut. Longtime readers familiar with my experiences driving a big rig through the northeast will understand my consternation, explained in my update on Facebook this morning:
… Go forth into the mountains, yea through the valleys and up yonder peak. Deliver thou the diaper stuffings and, lo, ye shall find another trailer loaded unto bursting with Proctor and Gamble finished product which thou shalt take into the land that is called Connecticut. For verily, many middle fingers await thee, and thou shalt cry unto the heavens, "Why hast thou sent me into the land of the Philistines! What the hell!" And I will say unto thee, "Turn left at Main Street," for I am Jill the GPS, and that which I leadest thee into, I wouldst leadest thee out of. Before thou canst double clutch from 4th to 6th, thou shalt be back in the land of warmth and gumbo." So let it be written. So let it be done. Yea.
But something happened that has made me wonder if I've been unduly harsh, at least for awhile. Not far from the New York / Pennsylvania line on I-84 is a truck stop with a quaint little restaurant. All afternoon, the drivers have been characteristically nuts, blasting down the road as if wearing blinders that prevent them from knowing that anyone else occupies the same stretch of asphalt. But the people in the restaurant were even more polite than some of the specimens I encounter south of the Mason Dixon. They were almost all of retirement age too. I had never had New England Clam Chowder before, and the waitress volunteered that if it didn't agree with me, she would take it back at no charge. Many of the customers knew each other, and several were making the trip home from their vacations in the south. They were even playing Louis Armstrong over the house sound system! Such a drastic change of pace from my previous ventures into this region! So many smiles, such polite conversation, in such a warm and inviting restaurant!
Maybe it's because most of my interactions take place with people when they are behind the wheel, where even the most gracious and hospitable sons of Adam turn into half-crazed cutthroats. But when they aren't trying to ram everyone else off the road, there really are some good-natured people here. Whether this general spirit of magnanimity will survive the first brush with metropolitan traffic is, of course, another matter.
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Jul '10
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
You shouldn't drink and drive.
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
I always pull over first.
May '11
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
As one who is as mechanically challenged as any human male can possibly be, your rant about the chirping and squeaking noises from your new ride and your response to it, reminds me of a scene in The Zen of Motorcycle Maintenance. In that scene a couple is conversing with the Zen Master Author about mundane things while willfully ignoring the loud and dreadfully pounding sound of a dripping faucet that they have been ignoring for, well I guess, forever. I am one who chooses not to hear that dripping faucet or the chirping dashboard because I know I am inadequate to deal effectively with it. Your optimism reassures me that there are men out there still able to deal with all of it in more than metaphorical ways.
Sep '11
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Dave--
You may be past the magic point--and I don't know if your company compensates you for being careful about pricing diesel. But there's an interesting wrinkle about the Pennsylvania/New York border on I-84.
The I-84 bridge at Port Jervis is less than a mile north of the New Jersey state line. And New Jersey fuel prices are dramatically lower than prices in New York or Pennsylvania. On the order of $0.25/gallon.
Get off at Exit 1 in New York--turn south. Immediately south of the interchange is the New Jersey state line. There's a truck stop just past the interchange--there are big gas stations a quarter-mile further south (for those members of the Ricochetoisie traveling in these parts).
And if your next trip route brings you back from Connecticut on I-84 and down U.S. 209 to I-80, don't do it. Jill (your GPS) probably isn't aware that a bridge on U.S. 209 has been washed out, and you will get detoured all over Pike County rural roads. Pay the toll on the Tappan Zee Bridge, and take I-287 to I-80.
Feb '11
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Papa Toad and I used to have a Honda Accord that had little pieces of paper permanently wedged all over into the dashboard and passenger side door panel, because of the odd vibrations and squeaks that otherwise drove us out of our minds on long car trips.
I am sad that you are in the Northeast, Dave, because I usually live there -- about 1.5 hours from the the New York border with Pennsylvania -- but am in Florida now through Wednesday, on vacation with the family near Naples.
BTW, my oldest son had New England clam chowder tonight, out at dinner with my in-laws. I cannot imagine never having eaten it before. I hope you liked it -- the alternative is too impossible to imagine...
Finally, the worst drivers in New York are not really from New York. Most of them are immigrants from somewhere else (New Jersey and Massachusetts, mostly). Really!
Edited on April 2, 2012 at 3:50amRe: Chirping My Way Northeast
On rare occasion, the chirping can be drowned out by cursing, steadily. But that's only a last resort, and usually leads to prolonged periods of laughter, which makes people wonder who else is in the truck.
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Excellent information! Thank you so much! About the fueling situation, my company uses only certain national chain truck stops, and I've already scouted those throughout the region. Thank you again!
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Mama Toad, the clam chowder was simply exquisite! And I don't even like clams, as a rule. Also, I think there is something to what you say about where the worst drivers are. The hurried and determined imperviousness I see in New York typically gives way to outright hostility around Boston for some reason.
Feb '12
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Dave Carter
minutes ago
Have you ever considered writing a book of Psalm's for OTR people that combines scripture with humor like this? It's very funny even if the only scripture you know is John 3:16 or the 23rd Psalm. You could follow each one up with something you learned in you travels that day and apply a corresponding passage. Great post.
May '10
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Dave, are you going to visit Ursula of Connecticut? Sadly, I will not be back in the state until Friday, but if you're still around....
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
It's going to depend on the freight. I have to be north of Hartford, close to the MA line in the morning. Not sure what happens from there, but I'll try clicking me heels if it will help.
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Natalie
Have you ever considered writing a book of Psalm's for OTR people that combines scripture with humor like this? It's very funny even if the only scripture you know is John 3:16 or the 23rd Psalm. You could follow each one up with something you learned in you travels that day and apply a corresponding passage. Great post. · 4 minutes ago
Hmmmmm,...interesting idea... Yea!
Edited on April 2, 2012 at 4:16amJun '10
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
I envy you your new wheels, Dave, squeaks and all. My company buys retired police cars, converts them into cabs, then runs them to 400K and more. So frequent are the complaints that I've developed a few snappy responses:
Passenger: "There's a rattle in the rear."
Me: "That's a good thing. It means the rear is still attached to the cab."
Passenger: "Your check engine light is on."
Me: "Yeah. I checked the engine, and it's still there. We're good to go."
And for the amorous passengers who can't wait to get home:
"Company policy requires passengers to practice safe sex. That means I'm required to put the car in park and apply the parking brake until you're done."
Hey, it's a living.
Edited on April 2, 2012 at 4:28amFeb '12
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Dave Carter
Natalie
Have you ever considered writing a book of Psalm's for OTR people that combines scripture with humor like this? It's very funny even if the only scripture you know is John 3:16 or the 23rd Psalm. You could follow each one up with something you learned in you travels that day and apply a corresponding passage. Great post. · 4 minutes ago
Hmmmmm,...interesting idea... Yea! · 12 minutes ago
Edited 12 minutes ago
Let me guess, you already did that and I'm the only one here who doesn't know?
Oct '10
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
The only real noises one had with a new vehicle happened to be the salesman try to explain all the operations. Rather annoying.
Once was in Boston for the promise of World Class Clam Chowder, sadly all samplings seemed to come out of a can.
Somehow, good chowder is a cook in kinda thing.
Dec '10
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Face it, Dave. You're just going to have to turn the volume up.
Dec '10
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Having spent my formative years in CT, I can attest both to the deliciousness of New England Clam Chowder (although I also like the "red" kind too), and to Mama Toad's statement that most bad drivers come from Massachusetts.
All this talk about the Tappan Zee bridge and rt. 84 is making me homesick...
Dave, I've driven all up and down the Atlantic coast, from Main to Florida. In my limited experience, the section of road between Hartford, CT to Washington, DC is one of the worst drives. Can you back me up on this?
I find myself leaving DC at 8:00pm, just so I can miss the traffic heading up north.
Nov '11
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Getting anywhere near Albany, Dave?
Also:
Where are the worst roads?
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Natalie
Dave Carter
Natalie
Have you ever considered writing a book of Psalm's for OTR people that combines scripture with humor like this? It's very funny even if the only scripture you know is John 3:16 or the 23rd Psalm. You could follow each one up with something you learned in you travels that day and apply a corresponding passage. Great post. · 4 minutes ago
Hmmmmm,...interesting idea... Yea! · 12 minutes ago
Edited 12 minutes ago
Let me guess, you already did that and I'm the only one here who doesn't know? · 13 hours ago
No no, ...I seriously hadn't thought of something like that. I love the idea!
Re: Chirping My Way Northeast
Michael Horn ...
Dave, I've driven all up and down the Atlantic coast, from Main to Florida. In my limited experience, the section of road between Hartford, CT to Washington, DC is one of the worst drives. Can you back me up on this? ...
I'll back you 100% on that, Michael. That corridor is where good driving records and Christian language both go to die.