Can Any Father Succeed?
Mollie Hemingway's smart post below spurred a thought I had late Sunday night as I settled into a semi-satisfied coma (damn you, OKC, for not making it the perfect day) as a result of a wonderful Fathers Day celebration out here in the high country. Unfortunately, as I cruised to sleep, NPR (which actually stands for "Nonstop Programs about Race") was on our clock radio. The newest meme is that the presidency is just too darned big for any man (or woman). It recalled similar screeds I remember (and parroted because I was then a brain-dead liberal fresh from J-school) from the last dregs of the Carter Administration
So cut BO some slack, was the vibe. He’s doing the best he can considering the incredibly tough circumstances. All those crazy foreigners, screwing him up. Plus the GWB curse, don’t you know.
Okay, backtrack to the dinner. One daughter (25) made the salad, my wife cooked the fried chicken (thank you, Pioneer Woman Cookbook!) and another daughter (21) made peach pie from scratch. My third daughter (25, twins!), away at law school called to touch base with everyone. I must say -- at the risk of your rolling eyes -- that I’m intensely proud of all three of my girls. They’re beautiful, tough, smart, and hard-working. At least one of them has the correct political instincts. The other two, I believe, will come around. They may have already come around -- and not admitted it to their father. I have optimism because they have good values and faith and they get angry at the entitlement culture. And they're infuriated they or their friends can't find good jobs.
Last night, I sat on my deck and smoked a cigar and thought about how much I loved my daughters.
They're independent and they have solid husbands/fiancées/boyfriends who respect them and cherish them (and if those males don't, I swear, I'll put them in the ground. Every time a boy comes out to our place I tell them, "I have a rifle, a shovel, and 15 acres of land.") . My daughter's values are instilled, even though there are a few arguments. My wife and I lead our lives knowing we did our best and we cut them loose. They seem to appreciate it, and they'll -- all three -- be terrific citizens and wonderful people. We've done all we can do.
But imagine if we had chosen another path. Imagine if, at this stage in our lives and theirs, we tried to control what they ate, what they drank, what they drove, what their health insurance must include, how many gallons of water their toilet tank must hold, where they got their contraception and whether it was "free," how many watts their light bulbs must be, how many inches of R-12 insulation must be between their walls...
And they would say, rightly, "Butt out, Dad."
It would be overwhelming, trying to control every aspect of their three lives in different states and in different circumstances. I would write columns or novels about how being a father was just too tough these days -- how overwhelming it was. Imagine doing the same for 310 million daughters. How can any father -- or any politico -- possibly succeed if he thinks that?
And why would we agree?
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Comments:
Jan '11
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Excellent post, CJ.
May I say that Ricochet members have been hitting some home runs lately? It has been a pleasure to read these posts.
Sep '10
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Well, the presidency is too big, but maybe not the way the liberals mean it.
Apr '11
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Right on the money.
Jul '10
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Funny how there's never any hand-wringing about how hard it is to be President when there's a Republican in office. Maybe they just mean the presidency is too big for any one Democrat.
Also, Happy Father's Day, Mr. Box.
May '10
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Ah, yes, of course! What's more, once one of their control-everything efforts proves unworkable -- Obamacare or Dodd-Frank say -- the lesson is not that it was unwise to attempt to control the lives of all Americans from Washington DC with a 2000-page bill, but that it should have been 3000 pages -- or 5000, or 50,000. THEN it would have been manageable.
May '11
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Great post CJ!
We are in a similar point in our lives, my daughters are somewhat younger, at 18 and 16 years of age, but they both left home when they were 15, and moved to Canada to live with their grand parents, and go to high school. We cut them loose earlier than most parents do, but they have always been independent girls, as we run a retail business and work a lot!
The point about the presidency being too big for one man, well too big for one liberal man I think would be a correct statement. When conservatives are in charge, we don't micro manage, we get the heck out of the way and let the people do what they will, when problems crop up, we deal with them. Liberals always try to come up with a solution to a problem that might happen. Carter could not juggle all the problems he took on, he was constantly dropping balls, Reagan came in and picked a few balls only to juggle, and almost never dropped the ball.
Great post!
Oct '11
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Congratulations on three excellent daughters, CJ. I see what you're saying in term of how hard it would be for you to dictate to your daughters how to live the minutiae of their lives. However, I always get uncomfortable around comparisons of the presidency to fatherhood. Call George Washington the father of our country, that's fine with me. But other than that, it's just not apt.
Oct '11
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
You've nailed it. Oblame-a, of course, famously said he was a better speechwriter than his speechwriters, a better policy wonk than his policy wonks, etc. What a stunted and uninteresting interior life that man must have (perhaps not too dissimilar from the scene in Being John Malkovich when Malkovich enters his own head). The real reason governing is impossible for devout liberals is that their ideas don't work. The world refuses to conform to the fantasies of the academy.
Sorry to hear about your daughter and law school. Perhaps she could become a lawyer who goes after shysters, or who challenges the onerousness of 2,000+ page bills nobody has read? We do need lawyers to defend us from lawyers, after all. As someone who worked at the DOJ and narrowly escaped steering into the law school cul-de-sac myself, I've observed that lawyers have a hard time resisting the temptation to tell others how to live and behave--and, unfortunately, almost every politician is a lawyer. Why? Because lawyers make laws? No, because most lawyers hate their jobs and are desperate to write or nominate themselves into a new one.
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
I do, too, but I like this one for showing how *even* a father (of daughters!) knows when to back off on controlling his children.
Dec '10
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Awesome post. This is why I joined Ricochet. I love it when people post about experiences they have with their children. I've got my first on the way in August and can't wait.
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
I do, too, but I like this one for showing how *even* a father (of daughters!) knows when to back off on controlling his children. · 1 hour ago
Thank you, Mollie Hemingway. I agree with Arthur as well but I'd wager Obama and his ilk don't.
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Wylee Coyote: Funny how there's never any hand-wringing about how hard it is to be President when there's a Republican in office. Maybe they just mean the presidency is too big for any oneDemocrat.
Also, Happy Father's Day, Mr. Box. · 8 hours ago
Well put, although I might amend that to say "the presidency is too big for an incompetent Democrat." I have my issues with Bill Clinton as I'm sure most of us do, but this wasn't a whine we heard during his administrations, was it?
And thank you for the kind words.
Edited on June 19, 2012 at 6:27pmMay '10
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Brilliant analogy, C.J. (And as a father of an 11yo daughter who's starting to notice boys, I am so borrowing the "rifle, shovel, and 20 acres" shtick ... 8^)
Enjoyed your books, thanks to Hugh Hewitt's recommendation, and great to see you here as well.
Jun '10
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Tough jobs are hard. Being president is hard. Raising kids is hard, but that doesn't mean they can't be done with people who have a vision for where they want to go and who'll work hard to get there.
Samuel Butler wrote, “Life is playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.” That applies really well to the presidency, fatherhood, and being a good spouse.
The presidency is too hard for one man, if that one man feels it's his duty to micro-manage the lives of every American.
Apr '12
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Super post and you sound like a father who understands his wife and daughters and is not pressuring them into your idea of roles. That Pioneer cook book sounds enticing too. The best a Dad can do is love his daughters' mother and show the standard of relationship to expect from their own husbands. You are doing that. My Dad was a funny, loving and understanding husband to my beautiful but eccentric mother. Just the strength that those memories gave me really helped me in my own marriage to a difficult man. Standing my ground and demanding the same quality of relationship has been worth it. I know my Dad is with me, happy to see my sons so confident and loving now that my marriage has made it through. Here's to Dads! BI (Before Internet) or BR (Before Ricochet) I was certainly under the impression that it was the right wing who wanted to control women much more than Liberals. This assumption is made by many professional women. Why? I want to write a post about it.
May '11
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
C.J. Box
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
I do, too, but I like this one for showing how *even* a father (of daughters!) knows when to back off on controlling his children. · 1 hour ago
Thank you, Mollie Hemingway. I agree with Arthur as well but I'd wager Obama and his ilk don't. · 46 minutes ago
Course not. For them, it's the presidency and divinity.
May '11
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
PS - New avatar drawn in crayon and cut out by my oldest daughter when she was about 7. Now 26. D*mn, it really does look like me.
May '10
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
Steve Hayward quotes from his magesterial biography of Reagan to explain the impossibility of governing the US.
Re: Can Any Father Succeed?
What a marvelous post. Thank you, C.J., and a belated happy Father's Day from the father of just one daughter. I hope she grows up to be like yours (preferably the conservative one).