"Bully" & the Right to be Normal
Has anyone had the chance to see the documentary Bully? I saw it over the weekend and wrote up my thoughts to it (excerpt below), but I'd be curious to hear other reactions.
I was sitting on the subway in New York last week, reading my book, pretty much in my own world, and trying to ignore the bodies that were pressed up on me from all sides, when I noticed a pale little red-headed boy, probably around eight or nine years old, sitting across from me, looking scared, and crouched up close to his mother, who had her arm around him. Neither of them were talking. Near him were two other kids, maybe eleven or twelve, who were being noisy. I didn't really give the scene much thought.
When my stop came, the boy and his mother also got off. They were walking ahead of me on the platform, and the boy looked back with a terrified expression on his face, so I looked back too. That's when I realized that the boy was being bullied, in front of his mother, during that fifteen minute train ride, by those noisy kids. As we were getting off the train, those kids were still on the subway, but they were hanging out of the train doors, taunting the boy, yelling things like, "what you gonna do little white boy," "you're so ugly and skinny, I could kick your a$$," "your mamma can't protect you," etc. Then the doors slammed shut. The boy and his mom were out of sight. And it was all over.
That boy was on my mind when I went this weekend to go see the critically acclaimed documentaryBully, which was released in a limited number of theaters last week. The movie, like the subway scene, was tough to watch. Weaving the stories of five bullied children into one another, the film is relentless in depicting senseless child-on-child cruelty, the suicides that can result from it, and the heartbroken parents who are helpless to do anything about it. Bully is a damning indictment of the adults--particularly school officials--in these children's lives, who are absolutely clueless and inept in handling bullying and, in the case of a girl named Kelby, even complicit in it.
Kelby, a sixteen-year-old lesbian living in Tuttle, Oklahoma, is one of the five youth depicted in the film. In one scene, she explains that she was sitting in class when her teacher called roll by sex. The teacher first called the girls' names. Then she called the boys' names. Then she called Kelby's name, which elicited the laughter of the students in the class. A few minutes earlier, when Kelby came into the classroom and sat at a desk, the students sitting directly next to her ostentatiously got up and moved seats.
You can read the rest here.
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Feb '11
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
When you call your kid Kelby, you cannot blame the teacher for not knowing if this will be a boy or a girl.
Aug '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
[Emphasis Mine] Emily,
In what is an otherwise very thoughtful essay, you've stolen quite a few bases with that evaluation. By measuring the harm of bullying through the metric of suicides caused by bullying -- or total adolescent suicides -- you leave out the possibility of other harms. That's not a particularly useful position to take.
My thoughts on the response to bullying are in some ways similar to yours. Kids should be allowed to acknowledge the different, they should be allowed to develop their own opinions -- even when unpopular.
You don't state those propositions directly in your piece, so please feel free to correct any error in them. 1/2
Aug '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
It's simply another symptom of the post-religious society.
When a large number of kids are taught every Sunday the story of the Good Samaritan, to "love your neighbour as you love yourself", etc, those kids are less likely to become bullies.
Without the moral grounding that comes from a Sunday school background, why on Earth would kids respond when told to stop being so mean to each other?
Jun '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
I'm a little tired of hearing about bullying. School officials only teach values, not virtue with a firm foundation.
Look at the other posts today. How many simply show how little life is worth in the eyes of too many people? And, in that case, there is no reason not to bully others.
Jul '11
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
My 22 yr old boy(when he was a kid) and the 9 yr old boy have the exact same trait. When their littler friends get picked on by the older kids they walk right up and ask the bully or bullies to fight them instead. Once in a while someone takes them up on it but most of the time they chicken out. Schools are either idiotic or inefficient at dealing with such issues as everyone threatens lawyers.
Aug '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
I also agree that the "cult of self-esteem" that we have created in our society, where everyone is a "winner" and there are no losers can have a devastating effect on the individual's actual sense of self-esteem and self-worth.
I would like to note, and to point out, that it is our duty as citizens in a society to point out and shame those who needlessly bully in our communities, just as we have a responsibility to report and respond to crime.
We are part of a civil society and we need to act out against injustice when we see it. The young boys you mentioned on the bus deserved censure. Their behavior wasn't developing character or teasing, instead there was implicit -- heck explicit -- physical threat in their actions. We have an obligation to defend our fellow citizens from physical threat.
2/2
May '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
Saying bullying is wrong???? How judgemental. If the bully's true truth is that it's okay to bully, who are we to judge???
May '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
The end.
As Duane said last time this subject was raised, it's a problem best dealt with on a case-by-case basis by locals... without lawyers or politicians.
Federal programs against bullying are really campaigns to enforce preferences of some citizens' rights over others'. It's a formalization of liberals' hierarchy of victimhood: Muslim > gay > black > women (and so on).
Oct '11
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
I'd be willing to bet the intensity of bullying has only been ratcheted up in the last two decades as a result of the zero tolerance policies. It's the gun law principle all over again- if you remove the ability of the rule-abiders to defend themselves, the rule-breakers will naturally take advantage of the lack of resistance to their behavior. As the dichotomies of culture in a America grow larger, the lower bully culture will only grow more aggressive and predatory. Meanwhile the disconnected policy maker elites will continue to grow more passive and appeasing to the worst and loudest of the culture out of fear of institutional upheaval. Ultimately normal civilized people in the ever shrinking middle will continue to suffer without reprisal the brunt of ever worsening cruel bulling and ineffectual policy/leadership.
Dec '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
Being bullied stinks. I was bullied for a bit. This probably helped form some of my least favorite parts of my personality.
But lots of things stink. Lots of things, especially, stink when you're in middle school.
This is not an epidemic. It is yet another instance of our culture turning us all into pansies. It is a 'for the children' justification for the State to meddle even more in our private affairs. It is paternalism at its worst, as it does not even entail a sincere morality at its core. It is, further, an abrogation of responsibility on the part of those who are actually paid to deal with it, and those of us that are too afraid of standing up for what's right to risk a minor public humiliation or punch in the jaw.
This is all I have to say about it.
Jul '11
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
KarlUB: Being bullied stinks. I was bullied for a bit. This probably helped form some of my least favorite parts of my personality.
But lots of things stink. Lots of things, especially, stink when you're in middle school.
This is not an epidemic. It is yet another instance of our culture turning us all into pansies. It is a 'for the children' justification for the State to meddle even more in our private affairs. It is paternalism at its worst, as it does not even entail a sincere morality at its core. It is, further, an abrogation of responsibility on the part of those who are actually paid to deal with it, and those of us that are too afraid of standing up for what's right to risk a minor public humiliation or punch in the jaw.
This is all I have to say about it. · 3 minutes ago
I was as a kid too. I got bigger and fought but I vividly remember the humiliation.
I agree about keeping the government out.
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
We definitely should not rely on the government to step in and legislate this problem away. That would only further the Wussification of America. I would argue that bullies develop because of the lack of strong role model. Real strength is having the ability to control your anger and being humble in the face of adversity. Kids that are being raised by televisions and our music industry are taught that exerting power physically is how you prove you are a man.
May '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
Joshua, I only half-agree. Physical prowess is a gift which should not be stymied. It should be moderated, but it should also be directed and allowed fruition.
Sports are a common outlet, but should not be the only one. There are many ways a young man can employ his strength to the benefit of others. That includes playing the role of guardian (a role properly balanced by respect for free will — the freedom to be wrong). It also includes helping the weak and elderly in their daily struggles.
In other words, don't advise boys to withhold their strength. Advise them to employ it toward noble ends and to temper it with other virtues.
Mar '12
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
Bullying is an adult problem. Too many parents have lost control of their kids. Too many schools (teachers and administrators) have lost control of their students. No law can fix the problem. Kids today are learning the law of the jungle, survival of the toughest and meanest. God help them!
Aug '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
Aaron's got it right - this is about making Victims into a new class needing protection. And it likely is more about homosexual Victims in the end.When I was in second grade, there was a boy in my class who was picking on me. One night, at supper, I was whining about it and my grandfather got fed up with my bellyaching (think the "Be a man..." scene in the Godfather) and he told me to punch him square in his nose the next time he did it. I looked questioningly at my mom and she nodded her approval. The next day, he did and so I did...and did...and did (think the "Ralphies fighting" scene from A Christmas Story) until the principal and my teacher pulled me off. We both got paddlings for fighting. My mom told my teacher the reason for this fight the next Sunday as they were in the same Sunday school class. Quess what? The bullying stopped. That boy is dead now. He was killed at a train crossing many years ago. I think about him every once in a while.
Apr '11
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
It's easy to dismiss the bullying problem if you've never been bullied or if you're middle-aged.
Things are different now. I was bullied here and there but nothing too awful. In my school days, bullies knew better than to try anything in school lest they bring down the wrath of a teacher. In those days, even bullies didn't want their parents called.
In my day, the bullying stopped at the end of the school day... it didn't continue 24/7 via Twitter and Facebook.
We certainly don't need more government involvement. What we do need is for parents and teachers to do their jobs. I'm not optimistic.
I agree somewhat with #14 except that I'd say that more parents have ceded control of their kids than have lost it.
Jul '11
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
I think the anti bullying laws are doing a disservice to our youth. People need to develop the skills to handle bullies on their own without relying on authority to make it better. I believe this mainly because authority very seldom makes it better. Also I have noticed that in the adult world the most likely bully I run across are people in authority.
Jul '10
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
I notice that the story does not continue thus: "The teacher immediately ordered them back to their seats and forcefully explained to them why their behavior was unacceptable."
Kids everywhere and for all time have acted like this, choosing sides, forming cliques, selecting an "other" to tease and belittle as a way to puff their own fragile egos. How can we expect them to learn not to behave this way -- in other words, to grow up -- if the adults in their lives won't stop them short and make them understand that this is not the way grownups behave?
The bullying isn't new. The feeble response of parents and teachers is new, and it is shameful.
Dec '11
Re: "Bully" & the Right to be Normal
Agreed #18, don't be insensitive: regarding the androgynous Kelby, at least the teacher should know enough to be discreet about the rollcall situation in any case.
2 Kings 2:23-25 - From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.
So, true believers, was God's reaction in answering his prayer unbalanced? Exactly how much crap should someone/anyone have to take? Today, Jesus offers us His example in awnswer to the 2nd question. But ultimately, He won't be putting up with the cruel and careless taunts of unrepentant (and therefore unforgiven) fools either, will He...