Booty Call
I’ve never been one to get angry and indignant over the objectification of women in advertising. Or in the modeling industry. Or in the celebrity culture. I’m not sure why, honestly. Perhaps I should be more fired up about it. But I gobbled up Tiger Beat when I was younger, and then Seventeen and then Elle, Vogue, etc. I still enjoy flipping through a copy of US magazine. No big deal, in my view.
But in the past two weeks, the dangers of advertising on young girls, and the general sexualization of our culture -- much of which is gobbled up by kids and pre-teens -- has me thinking. Not getting me ticked off. Not getting me ranting on Facebook about it. Just thinking.
What do you think? Especially you women out there. Is this a hidden danger, for which all moms should keep up their guard?
In terms of being a model for my kids, I’m a little chubby (but I exercise and eat healthily, for the most part), I never wear makeup, and I have no interest in plastic surgery. I don't fear getting old. I don’t own a single item with a fashionable label. So there’s not much in the way of over-the-top vanity/image obsession going on around here. But I gather that the problem, as some people see it, is not in the homes. It’s advertising and “culture.”
Yesterday, an 11-year old girl was on the Today Show talking about being kicked off her cheerleading squad because she refused to chant about her “booty” and shake her rear-end in a suggestive manner. The 11-year-old is one of the squad elders. There are 7-year olds on the squad. See that video here.
More troubling, however, is the “related” link on the same page from a month earlier. A Detroit mom pulled her 6-year-old off a cheering squad when she heard her daughter was going to have to cheer and dance to:
Our backs ache, our skirts are too tight, we shake our booties from left to right!
The mother was mocked and labeled a “lunatic” for complaining.
I can’t imagine any of my children being cheerleaders, but, of course, it may happen. If my child’s squad is asked to shout out, “shake my booty” or gyrate their hips in front of an audience before age 20, I probably am going to get ticked off.
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Comments :
Re: Booty Call
I hate all the sexual references on prime time TV. And the commercials!! Can't even watch with my kids. Sex humor is cheap and indicative of bad writing.
But....
Away from the area of sex, there are folks who over-protect kids. For instance: I coach Pop Warner football. I've been a youth sports coach for 11 years.
Guess what they did this year for Mitey Might football games (ages 8 to 10)? NO SCOREBOARD! Can you image? Everyone hates it, but I guess someone complained that their precious little snowflake couldn't take knowing that his team was losing.
Trust me - even with no scoreboard he still knows it.
Jun '10
Re: Booty Call
Men will be as lewd and crass as women allow them to be. If women want respect, and not just attention, they have to raise their own standards--project dignity and demand respect. It's simple, like a man's brain.
Edited on Oct 22, 2010 at 7:58amJul '10
Re: Booty Call
In 1981, a liberal friend of mine, who knew I didn't own a TV and was appalled by popular culture, called to inform me about a new development called MTV. Intrigued, I drove from my Manhattan apartment to his New Jersey home to investigate this new phenomenon.
After approximately 30 seconds of viewing a music video, I looked at him and said, "End of western civilization".
Jun '10
Re: Booty Call
Ursula Hennessey: "What do you think? Especially you women out there. Is this a hidden danger, for which all moms should keep up their guard?" The danger isn't at all hidden. It's called slut culture. Kids will be sexually active these days as soon as they are able. Ursula, you know as a teacher how important peer acceptance is while kids are still in their teens. This tendency must be vigorously fought by all responsible parents. The consequences of promiscuity are always pernicious and sometimes even tragic. Kids should be taught that there is no such thing as safe sex. The schools never teach that human sexuality is more complex than the physical act of "doing it." Parents know this, but kids don't because they lack the psychological and emotional experience. Protect your kids. Keep the lines of communication open and stay involved.
Re: Booty Call
Kenneth: In 1981, a liberal friend of mine, who knew I didn't own a TV and was appalled by popular culture, called to inform me about a new development called MTV. Intrigued, I drove from my Manhattan apartment to his New Jersey home to investigate this new phenomenon.
After approximately 30 seconds of viewing a music video, I looked at him and said, "End of western civilization". · Oct 22 at 7:58am
That's what my dad said, too. You fellows might be right. Actually.
Re: Booty Call
You guys need to watch this. Seven year old girls dancing very provocatively to Beyonce's Single Ladies.
Aug '10
Re: Booty Call
Women have had to struggle with vanity since mankind first crawled out of the primeval ooze. As Yeats said -- and it's no joke -- "to be born woman is to know... that we must labor to be beautiful". This is not new. This is Adam's Curse.
The new thing is that the sexualization comes earlier and earlier while the age of marriage comes later and later. The new thing is the erasing of boundaries between child and adult.
My mom, a professional woman, always wore make-up to work. She didn't let me wear make-up, though, as a child. This was not hypocrisy. I was a child. She wasn't. End of story.
I haven't got daughters -- yet. But when -- if -- I do, they'll grow up hearing stories of Madame Curie, Emmy Noether, the Virgin Martyrs, and so on. Before "fashion" gets to them.
I wouldn't tell my daughters that external beauty is evil, or that it's unhelpful. That's unrealistic. Rather, the artifice that goes into external beauty is a concession we make to the inevitable shallowness of human nature, a concession they should be glad to be free of during childhood.
Edited on Oct 22, 2010 at 8:38amMay '10
Re: Booty Call
I'm like you, Ursula. This has never been on my radar, either. But, when I started noticing little girls wearing extremely inappropriate sexy, skimpy clothes and seeing the source of it hanging in the shop windows, I started getting alarmed. Maybe I'm just immune to what the industry fed to me, but seeing them sexualize young children has me very worried. Have they no shame?
May '10
Re: Booty Call
The sexualization of children is a big deal, especially for parents of girls. And this is a phenomenon that has taken place very rapidly over the last 20 years or so -- basically since you were a girl Ursula. It requires fierce vigilance on the part of parents and represents the area of cultural conservatism with which I connect. Everything in the culture tells pre-teen girls to act like little 20-somethings, to bare their midriff, wear jewelry and care about boys long before they actually do. My wife struggles to find "old fashioned" dress up clothes for my (tall) 10 year-old that are attractive and age appropriate but not some miniaturized Paris Hilton outfit. Basically after size 10-or-so girls party dresses instantly turn "sexy." I don't know that there is anything to be done about it except to work really hard at the parent thing -- to be very watchful about media and to harangue your children endlessly as we do by discussing with them the difference between advertising and editorial, what "our family" considers appropriate, and what character qualities are important for girls and boys -- meaning physical beauty comes well down on the virtue list.
Edited on Oct 22, 2010 at 8:16amJul '10
Re: Booty Call
That one freaked me out when it happened.
But what freaked me out even more was how the parents of those little girls defended it.
Aug '10
Re: Booty Call
I can't resist sharing the story of an utterly spurious saint that I will nonetheless repeat many times to my daughters:
St Wilgefortis was a beautiful, spirited teenager. All the men in the village wanted her, and her father was keen to marry her off to one of the local bigwigs. But she wanted to become a nun. She persisted so stubbornly in her nunly desire that her father eventually locked her up, intending to force her into marriage with the biggest of the bigwigs, who lusted to have her.
Well, Wilgefortis, as her impending forced marriage grew nearer and nearer, prayed daily in her cell to God for a miracle. Finally, the night before the wedding, the miracle happened:
She sprouted a luxuriant beard and mustache. The groom no longer wanted her. Her dad was too ashamed to marry her to anyone else. And he finally let her become a nun.
Edited on Oct 22, 2010 at 8:42amRe: Booty Call
Yes, this is a perfect analysis of the problem. Sort of obvious, I guess, but hadn't occurred to me in such a crystalized fashion. Thanks, MFR.
Re: Booty Call
Yikes. I guess I just haven't hit that stretch yet. Thanks for the heads-up, Trace. Seems you have the right approach. Good to know, however, that it takes work and effort on your part. I guess I might have just settled back with the "well, it's common sense" approach. I *will* have to have radar up and initiate some conversations that might provoke eye-rolls. Must be done. Okay. I'll get ready. Thanks, Trace.
Re: Booty Call
This is a reaction to Trace's comment, which I agree with, but I'd like to add this--I think the real fear of the sexualization of young girls is not that it's happening in and of itself, but what occurs as a result of it happening (ie sex, relationships they are not ready for, loss of respect, or god forbid, rape). I think that if a young girl gets enough emotional validation and love at home--and doesn't look for it elsewhere, like in a boy--then if she wants to moderately explore her sexuality in the way she dresses, and within certain bounds, then that isn't a problem. Keep it classy. Classy can be sexy. And the desire to appear sexy or beautiful or stunning--or whatever--is not necessarily a bad thing.
Of course I'm not talking about children--like the 7 year olds in that music video I linked to earlier. I'm talking about adolescent girls who are becoming women.
Edited on Oct 22, 2010 at 8:52amAug '10
Re: Booty Call
Percipient, Emily.
We can't be anti-sexuality. Sexuality is God's good gift, and, heaven help us, the human race wouldn't still be here without it.
But sexuality is best hedged about by taboos and mystery. By not revealing everything. Young women have to learn to be mysterious again.
Re: Booty Call
Midget Faded Rattlesnake
But sexuality is best hedged about by taboos and mystery. By not revealing everything. Young women have to learn to be mysterious again. · Oct 22 at 9:01am
Agreed!
May '10
Re: Booty Call
Does anyone else get creeped out by the idea that this stuff is basically pedophilia?
I must be weird. If I were single I'd have a hard time manufacturing an interest in females under age 50. I think a lot of this is the failure by people of all ages to grow up. I'm glad our daughters are not teenagers now.
Oct '10
Re: Booty Call
I am the dad of two stunningly beautiful and incredibly gifted/smart girls (4 and 7) who are adopted from China. (I only mention that they are adopted because I want to make clear that I contributed nothing to their gifts). The sexualization of young girls is a nightmare and constant battle for me. The implicit message in this sexualization is that these girls are no more than a piece of show-meat and that they have nothing to offer to a future spouse or to society other than their sexuality. Unfortunately, this normalization of hyper-sexual behavior is increasing and points these girls toward early and promiscuous sexual activity.
I don’t think this oversexualization and promiscuous behavior is a free lunch. I think a person will pay for this in malformed self-perception, psychological trauma from broken relationships and in some cases disease. It’s a tough and constant battle for a parent to try and persuade their girls to take the modest route rather than the easy pop-culture route. I hope my girls see their beauty and innate gifts, rather than give in to popular culture and only derive their self-worth from their physical traits.
May '10
Re: Booty Call
Ursula, I don't recall where you were/are in your contemplation of homeschooling, but if your children are in public school, or even most private schools, peer pressure will drive them to buy into the sexualization of young women in our culture.
While the behavior you are modeling is a very good start, you can talk to them all you want and at best it will help you pull them a couple degrees in the right direction.
Your choice is either to put legs on your concern by (OMG) homeschooling them and (OMG! OMG! OMG!) getting rid of broadcast and cable TV (watch DVDs), or acquiescence. Yes, it's hard and people will look at you like leprechauns, but it's worth it.
Aug '10
Re: Booty Call
Lo Fon:
I don’t think this oversexualization and promiscuous behavior is a free lunch. I think a person will pay for this in malformed self-perception, psychological trauma from broken relationships and in some cases disease.
They pay for it not only now in these ways, but also in lesser marriageability later.
In all cultures, men are more than happy to have temporary fun with an "experienced" woman, but are less likely to want to marry her. For marriage, which is what most women still want in the end, innocence has advantages.
This makes a certain amount of sense. For example, chastity now is evidence of the kind of self-control necessary for fidelity later. Chastity also helps screen out the men who don't desire you (as opposed to immediate satisfaction of their willies) enough to make devoted husbands.
For all the tender, earnest sentiments involved, mating is still a game. And there is good strategy and bad strategy.
Edited on Oct 22, 2010 at 10:59am