Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
Original content, Ricochet exclusive:
Rueters (Ames, Iowa) -- Republican moderates have assembled outside Oscar's Feed & Grain, a popular restaurant here to back a surprising candidate: Barack Obama circa 2007. Frustrated in their search for the appropriate candidate to run against Barack Obama in 2012, GOP moderates have come up with the novel idea of running the Barack Obama of 2007 against the popular incumbent President.
"I know this is highly unusual, but we think there is a real contrast between the two candidates and we want to give the American people a clear choice," said organizer Wesley Smollis. While supporters admit there may be a constitutional issue and expect attacks by Democrats, they believe they are on solid legal ground."There is documented proof that the 2007 Obama took the oath of office in public, and no, it wasn't botched as some twelvers claim" said Roy Beamish, a local attorney.
Twelvers is the term 2007 Obama supporters use to describe people who claim that only one version of Obama can run for office in a given election cycle. "Anyone who says there is some kind of Constitutional rule that the 2007 version of Obama can't be President is relying on a technicality that, frankly, smacks of racism," Mr. Beamish said.
Republicans for Our Obama 2007, or ROO7 PAC, was formed by Wesley Smollis, who realized that each GOP potential candidate came up short on one or more crucial qualities; some were too conservative, others had personal baggage, others weren't charismatic or inspirational, or else just simply couldn't win. Smollis decided to do something about it. "Looking back, the 2007 Obama made some great promises that I think are real winners," he said. "I called up some friends and we decided he's the candidate we want running on our side of the ticket."
The constitutional question isn't the only obstacle, supporters concede. "We recognize this is certainly outside-the-box, and the 2007 Obama has been away from politics for the last two years and might be a bit rusty", said rally organizer Martin Billings. The other problem ROO7-Pac faces is getting media attention for their candidate. "It's like he doesn't exist" lamented Billings.
Most here agree it's Obama 2007's unwavering and forcefully articulated stands on the issues that accounts for the growing levels of support among Republicans. "He's against bailing out banks, he's for lower gas prices, won't raise taxes on the middle-class guys like me, and he's for jobs, he's saying all the right things" said one supporter. "And if you compare Obama of 2007 to the one we know today, he sure seems like a Republican."
If nominated, this will be the first time the Republican party will have nominated a declared Democrat to run on their behalf. Some Republicans, especially conservatives, bristle at the very idea. However, Smollis dismisses them as "party purists."
"We've nominated Republicans who advanced, or at least accepted, key Democratic policies and assumptions. This time we are nominating a Democrat who is advocating key Republican ideas like sound fiscal policy, an end to the exploitation of racial divides, and the idea of personal responsibility. We are the people we've been waiting for is a distinctively Republican concept. He's saying that government isn't the answer. I'd say that's a step in the right direction."
In order to differentiate their candidate who shares the same name with the presumptive Democratic nominee, some of Obama 2007 supporters refer to him as '007'. Others prefer the term Our Obama. George Mauvy, vice-chairman of ROO7 says, "Look, Our Obama polls well, he's a great speaker and we prefer him on the issues to Obama 2012. He is much more sincere and believable and he doesn't have the horrible record that Obama 2012 has. I guarantee he'll win all three debates."
Even some Democrats are on board. "I like his positions on Iraq and Afghanistan", said Democrat Beth Weesley, "and 007 would never have gotten us into Libya, and don't even bring up Guantanamo."
But many conservatives don't share the enthusiasm for this Obama 007. "It's just like the GOP to nominate another liberal. First it was Bush, next McCain, and now Obama 007," said Jess Murfree. "Just because he's not John McCain and he's a little more conservative than the other guy, they expect me to vote for him? I might as well just give up."
An official from Republican National Committee, speaking off the record said, "We need to get the moderate and the independent vote, and this time it will be Our Obama not their Obama. Obama with an "R" after his name has a nice look to it. We'll have the second black President, so Democrats can't call us racists anymore, and most important, he can win. Our Obama is against gay marriage, which should motivate some of our conservative friends, even though I personally don't agree. We all have to make compromises, see?"
Polls show Republicans like Obama 2007 for his relative fiscal sanity, and that many who once cheered the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have soured on nation-building mainly because they've seen mismanagement and bungling from the current administration.
"Now that we see how Obama 2012 has been handling these wars, 007's ideas of getting out now make a lot more sense" said one Iraq War veteran and former Bush voter. Many Republicans also prefer the 2007 Obama's approach to racial harmony. Said another attendee at the rally, "The 2007 Obama distanced himself from that Reverend Wright character, and would never have associated with the likes of Al Sharpton."
Republican strategists expect blacks to vote Republican in unprecedented numbers considering Obama 2007 is also black. However many African-Americans remain skeptical. "Our Obama be They Obama" is a common bumper-sticker found in urban communities. Dr. Vasser East, prominent African-American studies professor in Princeton does not approve, "This is another example of the white establishment trying to buy the black man like a slave, and since 007 is half-white they're trying to pay half price."
F. O'Gara Jr. is a completely uncredentialed writer for Rueters and is a senior fellow at the Rush Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies.
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Comments :
Aug '10
Re: Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
Very funny stuff. In a "way-too-close-to-the-truth" sort of way.
Aug '10
Re: Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
You know, I think you have the germ of a seed of a concept of an idea here! A bigger clue than the GOP has. But seriously... Love it!
Jan '11
Re: Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
I think the more common opinion among GOPers to wait for the second coming of Reagan seems much more reasonable.
<alternately>
If this is politics as 'Fight Club', the ending destruction of the financial system seems fitting!
Aug '10
Re: Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
Hey, I resemble that remark.
Was that Groucho or Curly? I disremember.
Edited on Apr 14, 2011 at 7:02amDec '10
Re: Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
I live in Ames. If he'd done a bit of research, he could have cited "Hickory Park" as the restaurant and then I'd've been hooked through at least 3 paragraphs.
More's the pity.
Sep '10
Re: Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
Thank you, Ricochet editor, so much for the edit! It's definitely better. I'm thrilled this made it to the main feed!
Amish Dude, sorry. I do understand. I didn't expect anyone from Ames, Iowa would actually read this. I was indulging in considerable fantasy as it was, and it originally was going to be a fictional store, and then I thought it would be funnier if it were a restaurant which would also would tip off the reader that the story was going to be a parody.
Edited on Apr 14, 2011 at 8:23amJun '10
Re: Big Shakeup in GOP Primaries Coming
A masterful piece of writing, sir. Keep up the great work!