Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
It is wedding season. I have a daughter getting married this weekend. For those of you with young girls: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex.
In I'll Mature When I'm Dead, Dave Barry (who coined "wedding industrial complex") writes:
"If the wedding were a solar system, the bride would be the sun; her mother would be another slightly smaller nearby sun; the wedding planner would be a third sun; the caterer, floral installation professional, photographer, videographer, cake design engineer, etc., would be planets orbiting these suns..."
And Dave Barry had a BOY. All he had to pay for was the rehearsal dinner. Imagine what it is like to have three daughters (one married, one getting married this Saturday, a third to be married soon, no doubt) who not only plan their own ceremonies but have been recently involved in dozens of weddings of their friends.
This is the modern Wedding Industrial Complex: Year-long engagements, websites and facebook pages devoted to the bride and groom and their gift requests, bachelor and bachelorette parties that require their respective teams to fly to Vegas or beyond for nights of high-rent debauchery, showers, still photographers who provide 2,400 photos of the courtship, engagement, wedding, reception, and honeymoon for on-line purchase, reality shows dedicated not only to the ceremony but also simply the selection and purchase of the dress, on and on.
And very little talk, it seems, of what will happen when the klieg lights go off and gritty reality awaits. The marriage part.
If facebook has turned most young people into preening narcisists, their weddings are now an extension of that "look-at-me-and-shower-me-with-love-and-gifts-for-I-am-the-only-person-to-ever-be-married-on-earth" self-reverential credo. Youngsters who have been told since birth that they are special and whose entire lives have been celebrated for major accomplishments such as getting a 'C' in math or swimming the entire length of the pool now see their wedding day with the humility and common touch of Marie Antoinette.
My wife and I attended a wedding a few years ago where the young couple created a website of themselves with hundreds of photos, including a hideous series of them cavorting in a hot tub. They were not small people, and the photos recalled safari shots of hippos in Botswana. Why would they "share" that?
After another wedding, we cooled our heels along with all of the guests for two hours while the bride and groom finished up their photography session and finally deigned us with their presence at the reception and the eating and drinking could begin. I still resent them for that.
Don't get me wrong. I'm for marriage. My wife and I have been wonderfully married for 28 years. And our daughters have kept their weddings dignified (if expensive!) for this day and age.
But at what point did the average wedding process morph from something wonderful and important to a vulgarian cross between the 2,500-year Celebration of the Persian Empire and a scene from Cleopatra?
Or am I the only one who now cringes in horror when a fancy invitation arrives in the mail?
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Comments:
Dec '10
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
I have two daughters and plan on developing elopement funds.
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Four words and one name: I bow to you, C.J. Box.
Mar '11
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
First: Congratulations, CJ!
Second: my wife and I had a low-budget DIY wedding, and it was absolutely perfect.
While it's true we (and our families) were somewhat cash-strapped at the time, we were also incredibly put off by the impersonal and over-the-top nature of a commercialized wedding. A wedding should epitomize the personal, unique love between a man and a woman, yet these extravagant weddings seem designed to create a fantasy which allows the bride and groom to pretend to be something they are not.
We had our reception in the church hall where my wife grew up, decorated it by ourselves, catered by a family friend (who was a nursing home cook!), with a band made up of our friends, her brother as DJ, my good friend as photographer, etc. Total cost: about $1500. And it was the best wedding I have seen yet - because it was truly ours.
Edited on July 11, 2012 at 1:09amMay '11
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
The only daughter of my closest, oldest friend got married.
There was a good portion of the local philharmonic orchestra playing during the service.
There were 3 (maybe 4) tons of flowers in the sanctuary.
There was a soloist from the local opera to sing at the service.
There was a photographer.
There was a videographer.
There was a 4 course catered reception (which we started without the B&G who were still having pictures done.)
For the reception: Think in terms of a grand ball. Not a prom, a grand ball.
There was a 9 piece band (not the philharmonic) to play for the reception.
There was a STREEEEEEEEEEEETCH limo to bring the bride and mom to the wedding.
There was a rented sports car to whisk the B & G from the reception.
There was another 3 tons of flowers for the reception.
And sparklers to whirl in the air as the B & G left the reception. (Didn't want to cause harm to the local fauna by leaving unaccustomed edibles.)
I asked my friend (we're that close) the cost. His answer: He would have to work an extra 4 years before retirement!
May '11
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
By the way, C.J., congratulations!
Feb '12
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
As a cello player for a string quartet who played at many weddings per year during college, I support the poster's message.
Weddings are beyond a joke today. I've played at perhaps five weddings I would consider tasteful (four of them were wedding masses), and I've played at around maybe 50-60 weddings. From terrible music selections (hey I'll play anything for a $75 arrangement fee), to the hideous "brides maids," dresses (I think we have forgotten what 'maid' actually means), weddings from my experience run the gamut from bad, to worse, to abysmal.
C. J. Box hit the nail on the head.
Edited on July 11, 2012 at 1:01amDec '11
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
I think your reference to Marie Antoinette was surely an astute one.
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
I'm getting married in 3 weeks and wish I'd have eloped.
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Move to Northern California where you can charge $300+ to do the same thing.
Oct '10
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
I just don't get this. My wife and I are coming up on the big four-zero next year. (What's that anniversary? We've never checked on any of them so far).
We were married in her parents' house by a justice of the peace. The whole thing took about 15 minutes. The whole family was there, and my brother took some pictures. We had a great feed thereafter (all home-made) and that was it. Total cost, including airfare, about US$900 in 1973 dollars (and I thought that absurdly high at the time). Results: satisfactory so far, but like the French Revolution, perhaps it's too early to say for sure.
In my review of One Perfect Day, I cite an analysis I did assuming a couple at the mean age of marriage of 27 (much too late, but that's another post) put the US$27,000 mean wedding cost in a retirement account instead. With a compounded rate of return of 10%, they'd have more than a million dollars at age 65.
One perfect day, or a well-funded retirement and nest-egg for the children?
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Diane, good luck! After the reception, you will feel nothing but . . . relief.
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
When we got married nearly fourteen years ago, my wife's parents wrote us a check and said, "Have at it!" We were married in the Catholic chapel at the University of Tulsa. We had a reception in a room in the library often used for lectures, and we flew off to San Francisco (our luggage remained in Denver). It was lovely, but not at all expensive.
When our daughters get married, we will write them a check and say, "Have at it!" After all, the weddings will be theirs, not ours.
My aim in life is to live long enough to see them launched.
Mar '11
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Whenever I hear about the wedding industry I think about this sketch from one of my favorite British sketch shows, Man/Woman: Wedding Cake
Jun '10
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
I have two daughters, both now married. Getting those behind me was the equivalent of getting the braces off (except for the fact that they were about fifty times more expensive).
Good luck. Just smile and keep handing your Platinum card to whomever asks for it. You may want a back-up in the likely event you hit the credit limit.
Edited on July 11, 2012 at 1:56amJun '10
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Do a Kardashian and get a big magazine to pay for the wedding. But try to remain married for more than 90 days.
Nov '11
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Yeeesh. Cringe at a wedding invitation? Hells no!
C'mon, man, the nicer the wedding, the nicer the reception. The nicer reception, the nicer the chow.
But if weddings are so horrible, just don't go, man.
Dec '11
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
I got married by a Justice of the Peace at the fairfax museum almost 9 years ago. We got my wife a dress off of the clearence rack, and I wore an old suit. Its been working out pretty well since.
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Wow, thank you, Troy.
Edited on July 11, 2012 at 2:40amApr '12
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Ahhh my western Ricochet brethren, you have not experienced the pain and joy of a South Asian wedding. Three days of dancing, drinking, donning itchy outfits and surrounded by 400 other guests. My daughters wedding account has more funds in it than my retirement account. I am only half-kidding. For a small taste here is a snippet from Monsoon Wedding - skip to the minute mark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i66vQ2EM9Z0
Re: Beware the Wedding Industrial Complex
Paul A. Rahe:
When our daughters get married, we will write them a check and say, "Have at it!" After all, the weddings will be theirs, not ours.
My aim in life is to live long enough to see them launched. · 57 minutes ago
We've done something similar. We set a budget and gave each girl the check. They can go over if they're willing to pay the difference, or save costs and keep the difference. It's worked out pretty well.