Are the Kids Alright?
Which TV children have the worst parents? That's the question that this piece in the Vulture asks:
Not since the heyday of the desperate, late-season new baby/orphan story lines of our childhood (where are those other Full House twins now?) have there been so many unwanted TV kids trying to stay out of their parents’ ways.
The piece focuses on the children that appear on the television network AMC, like the kids of Don and Betty Draper from Mad Men and those of Walter and Skyler White from Breaking Bad. Though the slideshow doesn't mention this example, I also thought of Jack Bauer from 24 (Fox) and his tortured relationship with his daughter, Kim.
Showing television characters with their children---as parents---is a plot device that humanizes these fictional adults. What are they willing to do for their kids? (For Walter White, who is dying of cancer, he is willing to "cook" meth so that he can provide for his children after he has passed away). How far are they willing to go to protect them? (Jack Bauer is willing to break federal law and threaten national security to ensure the safety of his daughter).
But having their kids around also shows their greatest flaws--one of which is that they are absent parents who have neglected their children. Why are they so absent? In all three shows, the main obstacle to being a good parent is career. Don, Walter, and Jack have demanding jobs--and, therefore, unusual lifestyles--that ultimately tear their families apart. It makes you wonder about the work-life balance and whether it's worth it to have a demanding job--even if it's meaningful and noble, like Jack Bauer's--at the expense of having no personal or family life.
In the real world, careerism is also having an affect on family life. Many couples are having children later and later because they are trying to first establish themselves in the professional world. When they finally do have kids, it marks a turning point in their lives. Prior to that point, career advancement was the main purpose of their lives. After that point, they have a choice. If being a good parent means dialing it down professionally in order to be more available to their children, is that a sacrifice people are willing to make?
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Jul '11
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
I used to work 80 plus hours. Now I work forty even though my retirement fund is very small so far. I don't care though. My dad was barely around as was the norm for his generation. Being a single parent for a while broke me of that trap.
Sep '10
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
My wife and I bring children from other marriages into our family. We're both past the age of having more children. In hindsight, had we been married from the start, she would have stayed home with the kids. We'd have had less money, but we'd have been happier and better parents. Things have managed to workout for us and our kids, but only by the both of us sacrificing our hobbies and interests to a much greater extent than we would have had we been married from the start with only one person working.
A stay-at-home-mom brings freedom to the family because she gives wealth in the one unrecoverable commodity - time. Consequently, we tell our sons to avoid career women as wives. We advise our daughter to get the skills she will need to support herself if she doesn't get married or her husband can't cover all the bills. It's just that, given the choice, career comes second.
Sep '11
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Modern perceptions of what is an appropriate effort at work, coupled with modern demands of travel (and you always travel the night before, right?), mean that very, very few white collar workers work a 40-hour work week. Closer to 50, and routinely more.
Add to that the trade-off between housing costs and commute time--the further you live from the city center (e.g. Manhattan) the lower your cost of housing (or the more house you can buy).
The result: lots of working parents, of both sexes, who are working 45-55 hours per week, commute 45 to 90 minutes each way, and have Elite or Premier status with at least one airline.
That doesn't leave a lot of time for coaching your daughter on algebra.
I have been self-employed for most of my adult life--but spent 9 years as a cube-dwelling wage slave, with a 40-minute commute, 55-hour weeks, and lots of air miles. Not to mention bringing frustrations from work home at night.
I'm back to working from home. My youngest daughter is dramatically happier--and my oldest two (now married and gone) say they're jealous.
Edited on April 20, 2012 at 5:34pmRe: Are the Kids Alright?
On the other end of the spectrum, you have the kids in Modern Family who seem happy and well adjusted. Claire and Phil Dunphy's kids have a smart and active stay-at-home mom who does things like run for local office and a dad who works in real estate, but who obviously values his family over his career.
Aug '10
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
I never got into 24, so I can't comment on Jack Bauer.
However, Don Draper is definitely a worse father than Walter White.
Don was a half-decent dad, comparatively-speaking, until he and Betty were divorced. Before the divorce, he was as involved as any other 1960s dad. The July 1963 episode (the eclipse) was illustrative. Now, however, he spends more and more time in the city. Even when the kids visit him, he plunks 'em down in front of the TV.
Walter, on the other hand, tried to make sure that his "career" didn't interfere too much with his family. Even with the double-strain of the meth-lab-on-wheels and chemotherapy, he tried to spend time with Skyler and Walt Jr. He actually took the job with Gus because it offered more stability and 9-to-5 hours.
It wasn't until later that the violent criminality of the situation really got out of control.
Still, he's been operating on the basis that his "career" is a temporary exercise. He's always planned for his family life to "get back to normal".
He may be fooling himself, but at least he's trying.
Aug '10
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
BTW: I love, love, love Breaking Bad.
I think it's a travesty that it keeps losing the Emmy to Mad Men.
I really hope Breaking Bad wins the Emmy this year.
So far, the current season of Mad Men has been remarkably dull and "paint-by-numbers".
The next season of Breaking Bad, on the other hand, should be really complex and exciting, considering how the last season ended.
Apr '11
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
The sad truth is the worst parents on T.V. are on reality shows like that Kardashian train-wreck or Real Housewives of blank.
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Misthiocracy: BTW: I love, love, love Breaking Bad.
I think it's a travesty that it keeps losing the Emmy to Mad Men.
I really hope Breaking Bad wins the Emmy this year.
So far, the current season of Mad Men has been remarkably dull and "paint-by-numbers".
The next season of Breaking Bad, on the other hand, shouldbe really complex and exciting, considering how the last season ended. · 7 minutes ago
I love Breaking Bad but I find it to be, far and away, the most difficult show I've ever seen. Part of it is that I don't like watching anything about synthetic drugs being made or used. It's very violent. I don't like all of the characters, even as I find them fascinating. My husband can't believe how it takes me a solid 2-3 weeks to recover between episodes.
Aug '10
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
The worst parents on TV are on Maury Povich and Judge Judy.
Shows like "Last Man Standing," "Up All Night," the aforementioned "Modern Family," and "Castle" show parents who love their children dearly and have the best interests of their children at heart. There are more -- to be sure -- but I am getting ready of a quick trip to the Happiest Place on Earth.
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
That's a good point. But like you say, those are parents who have decided to put family first (as opposed to the parents I mention, you put career first).
Dec '11
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
You have a stay at home parent, and a successfull businessmen/law career that allows them to wander off during the work day apparently whenever they want.
I wouldn't call that indicative of the meat hook realities of most people's work/life choices, nor would I expect them from a light-hearted comedy. Except good times. Before they killed off the father he had to make a tough choice on providing for his family.
But then again this may just be class angst.
Edited on April 20, 2012 at 6:23pmDec '11
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
I guess to your larger point, it depends on what you think the value and roll of men are. I dont assume that men and women are interchangable.
Interestingly enough. Sex in the City 2 came under criticism because it challenged the superwoman view of the world where they can have it all, when the redheaded one had to make a work life choice and chose home life.
Edited on April 20, 2012 at 6:38pmMay '11
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Part of the charm of John MacDonald's Travis McGee series was Travis' attitude to work. He felt that retirement was wasted on the elderly so he resolved to spend his retirement in short increments throughout life. Of course when your main line of work is rescuing damsels in distress the schedule tends to be rather sporadic. He had a point however. As the saying goes no one ever says on their deathbed, "I wish I had worked more".
Oct '11
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
This thread addresses people who have a choice. What about those careers that are essential to our civilization but require family separations such as our warriors (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines), truckers, rail workers, offshore oil rigs, fishermen, etc.
Are these considered to be people who put career ahead of family?
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Misthiocracy:
Donwasa half-decent dad, comparatively-speaking, until he and Betty were divorced. Before the divorce, he was as involved as any other 1960s dad. The July 1963 episode (the eclipse) was illustrative. Now, however, he spends more and more time in the city. Even when the kids visit him, he plunks 'em down in front of the TV.
Despite being a stay-at-home mom, Betty Draper/Francis does this too. The only words she ever says to her kids are either "go to your room" or "go watch TV." She's incredibly distant and stingy with her affection. And it has nothing to do with a career.
Feb '12
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Fastflyer: This thread addresses people who have a choice. What about those careers that are essential to our civilization but require family separations such as our warriors (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines), truckers, rail workers, offshore oil rigs, fishermen, etc.
Are these considered to be people who put career ahead of family? · 41 minutes ago
As David Blankenhorn explained in his terrific book, Fatherless America, in a different age Americans were tremendously worried about the effect on children from the extended absences of their fathers in World War 2. While no one argued that fathers should never serve in times of emergency, there was widespread agreement that fathers should not be drafted as quickly as other men, and that they should be given high priority in returning from the theatres of operations.
The relevant pages of the book can be read via Google Books here.
Feb '12
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Writers and directors of television shows, however talented, are always under pressure to come up with more drama to hold the attention of viewers, especially for a series that can last months. And they believe there is more drama in strained family relations than in happy ones.
It is interesting, however, that these writers and directors are tacitly admitting, contrary to their feminist beliefs, that the absence of mothers and fathers is deeply painful to children who, left alone and feeling abandoned, often end up making very bad decisions.
Aug '10
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Diane Ellis, Ed.
Misthiocracy:
Donwasa half-decent dad, comparatively-speaking, until he and Betty were divorced. Before the divorce, he was as involved as any other 1960s dad. The July 1963 episode (the eclipse) was illustrative. Now, however, he spends more and more time in the city. Even when the kids visit him, he plunks 'em down in front of the TV.
Despite being a stay-at-home mom, Betty Draper/Francis does this too. The only words she ever says to her kids are either "go to your room" or "go watch TV." She's incredibly distant and stingy with her affection. And it has nothing to do with a career.
Doesn't it?
She seems to approach the role of "rich man's wife" like a career.
She treats being a mother and like an unwanted job, and she gauges her success or failure based on the expectations and judgements of others. That seems a lot like a career to me.
Compare Betty to Pete's wife, Trudy. She seems to enjoy being a mother and homemaker, not like a job.
Nov '10
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
Misthiocracy
Diane Ellis, Ed.
Despite being a stay-at-home mom, Betty Draper/Francis does this too. The only words she ever says to her kids are either "go to your room" or "go watch TV." She's incredibly distant and stingy with her affection. And it has nothing to do with a career.
Doesn't it?
She seems to approach the role of "rich man's wife" like a career.
She treats being a mother and like an unwanted job, and she gauges her success or failure based on the expectations and judgements of others. That seems a lot like a career to me.
I don't watch any of these TV shows (or, really, any others), so I can't comment on the characters. But in the 50s and 60s, the job of a businessman's wife really wasn't to take care of the kids; it was to entertain clients and look and act the part of a successful man's wife. It was to play bridge and tennis with the client's wives so as to help him land deals. This part of the shows sounds entirely realistic.
Edited on April 21, 2012 at 2:20amNov '10
Re: Are the Kids Alright?
I hate to reveal my age, but I guess I will admit that I was a kid in the 1960s. In my family, it was clear that kids were highly valued, but that was also clearly not the norm among my peers. Even in my "kids-first" family, my stay-at-home mother felt much less of a responsibility to focus on us than I do on my child, or than any of my daughter's friends' parents do. We had fewer things, and many fewer of the things we wanted. Weekends weren't oriented around playdates and trips to the park or the zoo; we were told to just go outdoors, and be back by dinner. After school, we were on our own (though my mom was home). Now kids are in programs with enrichment activities.
A generation before, my mother's parents clearly felt that they had met all their responsibilities to their kids by giving them a roof over their heads and food.
I strongly suspect that we were much more emotionally healthy than today's hothouse flowers (I'd love to believe my own beloved daughter is an exception, but it's probably self delusion).