Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Looking through the home page on Ricochet tonight, I see great minds at work on everything from the enumerated powers, to Lebanon, military service, Mexico, the long term effects of the Tea Party, the Zadroga Act, Lady Kurobara's interesting question about whether government is inherently a liberal domain, and much more. Even the Sistine Chapel gets a review. So you will understand if I throw a small grenade into the midst of these weighty discussions and ask; Have you ever had one of those days when it seemed like someone had attached an "Annoy Me" sign to your backside, after which a significant number of people agreed to take up the calling? I mean, people were lining up to pass me on the highway today, move over in front of me and then slow down. It happened so often I began to suspect they had called ahead for reservations. My best friend Bob Lee once said, "Dave, the trouble with you is that you sometimes take life as a personal affront." Bob is like a brother to me, and he may be right, the twerp. But here, I'll present my story and you can decide.
After being snowed in last weekend, I made my way down to Laredo, TX. Now, Laredo is challenging enough with drivers from south of the border maneuvering their smoke-belching, rattle-trap semis like go carts all over town. Add to that mix a large dose of road construction and an already bad traffic situation becomes an absurdity. The crews directing traffic down there make The Three Stooges look like the Mensa Society. So for reasons of safety and sanity, I parked that night at a truck stop that charges money for parking. Then, finding a relatively quiet corner in the restaurant, I ordered a plate of "comfort food."
Dinner arrived at the same time as three very loud customers who, naturally, decided to sit at a table next to mine. Let's see, ...the trio consisted of a 20-something couple, and a large older fellow who I gather was the young lady's father. He played lead fiddle in the conversation and he must have been around 300 years old judging from all the experiences he's had, which experiences he narrated loudly enough for the benefit of everyone within a 15 mile radius, including the deaf. His specialty? The legal system in California. "Don't get me started," he said, as if anyone needed to. "I know evathang they is to know 'bout the California Pee-nile Code." Yes sir, court was in session and he was granting his own motions to enter anything and everything into the record. I began eating faster. As he went on at Tolstoyvian length about drunk driving laws, three strikes and you're grateful, whatever, I began replaying opera in my head as a defense. I was mentally playing it so loud that I practically had poor Pavarotti in an aneurysm, but he still couldn't overcome the California Pee-nile Code.
Scarfing down my comfort food, I left the restaurant and went straightway to my truck. After a half hour of quiet, I decided to venture back into the truck stop to see if they had anything I could purchase as a Christmas gift. Unless everyone on my list wants a miniature tractor trailer this year, the pickings will be slim. Remembering that these places have a good selection of flashlights, I wandered back to the tool selection. "Don't get me started!" I heard. Over by the flashlights stood the California Pee-nile Code, inflicting his wisdom on some hapless truckers whose only apparent offense might have been to say hello to him. They looked miserable, and I looked for the exit.
But it gets better. The next day in San Antonio, I decided to try my luck again. Another restaurant. Another secluded corner. I was reading the latest on Ricochet when I heard sleigh bells. Well, not quite. It was a fellow playing with the loose change and keys in his pocket. He was looking for a place to sit. And you, astute reader, know by now where he sat. Evidently, it's no small matter to get spare change and keys situated just right in one's pocket. I suspect it takes some folks the better part of a week to get it right. He's probably still working at it now. Even while sitting there, he was jingling his pocket. It was tough for the waitress to hear his order over the jingle. It was tough to hear anything over the jingle. While waiting on his order, he told the waitress he had to retrieve something from his truck. He began to walk out, and stopped right by my seat, hand deep in his pocket jingling to beat the band. He had a look of deep contemplation on his face, not unlike the look I used to get in algebra class while trying to determine the square root of a consonant. He also had a certain air about him, like he hadn't seen the business end of a shower spigot in a very long time. Thus was he able to assault multiple senses simultaneously.
My appetite gone, I began searching that truck stop for Christmas gifts (I hope everyone likes toy trucks). I heard the sleigh bells again, looked over and saw Mr. Bojingle walking in my direction. For the next several minutes, it seemed that everywhere I went in that place, he followed. When I went to the register to pay for my purchases, he cut in front of me. I half expected him to be waiting for me at my truck. I didn't leave the truck for the rest of the night.
There are many more stories, but you get the point. Obviously, these folks aren't out to annoy me, ...right? So is it that they are just annoying in general and it is my happy fortune to notice? Or is it that they really aren't particularly annoying, and I've just spent too much time secluded in a big rig? (No, says Bob, my issues predate trucking.) Am I less patient with age? Do you have many days like this? As I asked at the outset, are curmudgeons created over time, or are we simply born that way?
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Nov '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
In my experience, a "curmudgeon" is simply someone who is more willing to point out Life's little annoyances and inequities, and to express less patience with them. This is not to be confused with the liberal obsession with inequality.
Edited on Dec 19, 2010 at 8:37pmMay '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Curmudgeons are made in China, like everything else.
May '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
No it isn't just you. Took my wife out to eat at a place usually pretty quiet. But after we ordered, you guessed it a table of 8 was seated close by. i could swear it was California Pee-nile Code, only I think he was from Kansas City. Had to endure his loud exposition on everything.
But my biggest agitations are those stupid cell phones. Every place I drive someone in front is on a cell, the light goes green and they don't move (3 cars could have cleared intersection, finally, slowly they inch ahead, just getting through the yellow, and guess who gets stuck at the Red light. I do a slow burn.
Great post, made my day. Take care.
Nov '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Let the great minds discuss the weighty issues of the day and we will discuss curmudgeonry (curmudgeonism? curmudgeonasty?)
Angry old farts are created over time. I'm terribly sorry, but there is nothing you can do about it. As I believe I'm several miles ahead of you down this road, my best advice is to eat as much of that comfort food as possible, so you will check out before you recreate the scene in "On Golden Pond" where Henry Fonda challenges two 14-year-olds to a fist fight.
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Dave, as a fellow curmudgeon (I've had interns refer to me as "Dr. House" if that's any indicator), I must tell you that I think it's innate. Our lot is to have our antennae raised higher than most of society and to be generally irritated by the signals we pick up.
If anything, take comfort from the fact that the curmudgeon is congenitally unable to take the postmodern path of least resistance and simply tune most of society out. Having high standards and sticking to them means often being annoyed by much of modern life. The only way to replenish our reserves is to occasionally make a pit stop at a reservoir of sanity. And that's why we have Ricochet ... and a robust pharmaceutical industry.
Nov '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
I have similar reactions everytime I get on an airplane. After reading this story, I've concluded there are truly no stress-free ways to travel.
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Stan, I could do a book on traffic annoyances alone.
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Troy, I should confess that though I don't watch a lot of TV, House is my favorite program. And you're right, Ricochet is a great antidote.
Jun '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
I'm notorious in my family for being the one who can't avoid confronting those who are doing something annoying. I make them painfully uncomfortable when I do it. I'm polite but firm. Life's too short. I'm even more annoyed by the typical reaction. Most have no clue they are doing something irritating and are grossly offended for me even mentioning it. Still, I can't resist. Pressing for social change one interaction at a time. What can I say? I've got a gift. Got it from my grandfather who was the greatest curmudgeon of all time.
Jun '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
My first response to reading your post, Dave, was that I would not respond. My second was damn the cannonballs. Curmudgeons are made, but not by the people you think. They are individually, painstakingly, and even lovingly handcrafted by the curmudgeon himself. It is a given that the world is not nor will it ever be the place each of us thinks it ought to be. The good news is that this is not a bug but a feature. When confronted by the irksome there is no sin in retreat. If the conversation is too near, take it on yourself to move. Now, this may not be possible in every case, but it will be possible in most cases. If this notion of retreat strikes you as unacceptable, then ask yourself if you have a secret desire to be curmudgeonly. I grant that there are people whose demeanour improves with distance; I know this because I can be such a person. The secret is not to get trapped in self. The hardest thing do sometimes is not to form the negative thought. Continued...
Jun '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
We are, whether we like to think of ourselves as such or not, God’s great gift to each other. And the unvarnished truth is that without us the world would be what it has always been, evil, wicked, mean, and nasty, to quote a license plate frame. No one can remake the world, but that is not the task we are charged with. Our task is to remake ourselves, one thought, one kind deed, one thank you, one please, and one smile at a time. Sounds simple doesn’t it. Yet, when was the last time you heard yourself saying to a pushy salesman, “thank you for asking.” When was the last time someone who took your money also looked you in the eye and said “thank you?” And to whom you responded “You’re welcome.” It is the sincere please and thank you that brings us out of ourselves and allows us to share our common humanity. None of us, of course, is ever rude; it’s always the other guy. Continued...
Jun '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
There will always be vexatious people in the world. It’s how we respond that makes us worthy of our boons. In each of us there exists a desire to find peace. Doubtless, this is why we respond so viscerally to vexation. But the only impediment to finding that peace is our desire to change those that we cannot combined with our wilful inability to change the one we can. No one likes to think their life might decoct to one act of kindness. Yet how can anyone of us know the impact we might have. If we think our individual interactions unimportant they will become just that. It’s easy to be kind to those we think deserve our best. It’s not so easy to be kind those who vex. I remember passing a video display playing Michael Jackson dancing. My daughter would not give him the time of day, because he was “so weird.” To which I replied “Have you ever seen anyone dance like that.” She allowed that she had not. Being blinded by the seemingly obvious, we often see much less than what is on offer. Pity that!
May '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
BTW, Dave try this:
http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=the+square+root+of+a+consonant
Dec '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
I quite agree. I'm married to one. I'm wondering, though, if everyone accepts that 'curmudgeon' is not a gender-specific word, or if not, what the female equivalent is. I'd actually LIKE to be thought of as a 'curmudgeon.' What I'm called, when I 'point out life's little annoyances and inequities,' is usually something quite different . . .
Aug '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
She
I quite agree. I'm married to one. I'm wondering, though, if everyone accepts that 'curmudgeon' is not a gender-specific word, or if not, what the female equivalent is. I'd actually LIKE to be thought of as a 'curmudgeon.' What I'm called, when I 'point out life's little annoyances and inequities,' is usually something quite different . . .
According to "The Portable Curmudgeon", Dorothy Parker was a curmudgeon, and she was famously female, no? So I think "curmudgeon" is officially non-gender-specific.
My dad got "The Portable Curmudgeon" one Christmas as a gift from some well-meaning relatives. He was not amused. I don't think he's ever been more offended by a gift.
But then, my dad belongs in a class beyond curmudgeon. To my mind, a curmudgeon must at least recognize himself as such to be worthy of the title. Otherwise, he's something quite different...
May '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Nope, not buying the curmudgeon argument, Dave. We've gotten to know you better than that. You're the guy who listens patiently to grizzled veterans in truck stop diners, then carefully crafts stories to share with us so we'll appreciate how much they have sacrificed to keep us free. You savor the beauty and quirks of small town life and communicate that to us in beautiful prose as well.
You're just grumpy, tired, dealing with the insane holiday traffic in a huge rig that could hurt somebody if they're not careful, and not done with Christmas shopping yet. If I was in your situation I'd probably get every single person on my list little toy trucks for Christmas just for the fun of it. (And if they don't see the humor you can tell them where to put the trucks.) Got any young grandsons you'll be seeing? They'd be thrilled because they'd probably finish the day with a fleet of trucks they could entertain themselves with for months.
And Cas, thanks for your wise, thoughtful posts. I'm bookmarking them to reread whenever my pre-Christmas cheer is wearing thin!
Sep '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
Dave,
As a made curmudgeon, I be even worse than you. I would have said to the man openly and loudly, Is there anything in the California Pe nile code that allows people to speak at decibel levels that are noticeably louder than they need to be?
I decided that if someones conversation is unnecessarily loud, they are addressing me too, so therefore I have a perfect right to respond however I wish. Now, if the guy was a 6 1/2 foot tall biker, I might just move away...
I have confronted loud cell phone talkers and I try to do it in a humorous way. ( I usually just start talking to them, like I am also a member of the conversation, putting forth my opinions regarding their conversation.
It annoys me that rude people are allowed to dominate because polite people refrain from saying anything.
I am such a curmudgeon that I believe that many people are indeed trying to annoy others (not all mind you) or at least trying to attract attention to themselves either consciously or unconsciously. There are reasons for this psychologists can explain better than I can.
Sep '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
I have a theory about this.
I believe we each have a certain level of tolerance for various things. Imagine the level of tolerance to be an empty glass. Pour into this glass these annoying things over time and there is no problem, until the glass becomes full. Once the glass is full, there is no more tolerance for a particular thing. The older one gets, the more experiences with certain things, the more likely the glass has been filled.
We then craft our lives as best we can to avoid these things, but there remain things we cant avoid...
Sep '10
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
I was once sitting next to a doting mother with a small child. She was the type, so common nowadays, who believe their very small children need to have everything put into language form by mommy. The 31/2 year old needs everything explained and measured by language. Needless to say I actually disagree with this approach. I believe children should not be smothered with language at an early age, and I could go on about that, but I was trying to read a difficult passage in a software manual and could not concentrate. I couldn't go outside, it was cold and there was nowhere to retreat. I started reading my manual aloud. She got miffed, but she stopped, and another woman who was trapped there looked at me and smiled...seems I saved her too.
Re: Are Curmudgeons Born That Way?
You know, Diane, I really hadn't given much thought to the possibility of holiday traffic and stress being a major factor, but you may be right. Thanks for bringing me a smile, and for the kind words about my posts. And Merry Christmas!