And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
My people, I have heard your anguished cries. I must listen to the voice of my conscience and to the voice of my people. I must be ready either for my people’s prayers or for their malediction. Therefore, I say that I must listen to the people’s outcry, to your extremely humanitarian demands. I must meet my people’s desire for change with no hesitation.
I hear you, people of the Great and Immortal Nation of Ricochet: You can't take hearing another word about Egypt.
Yes, yes, it's world-shaking and all that, but my God, I understand. You need a break. And believe me, so do I.
To honor the world's extremely humanitarian demand for a break from Egypt, already, I'm declaring today "anything but Egypt day." I'm ceding all coverage and analysis of Egypt to the rest of the news media for the next 24 hours. I'm sure they'll get it all wrong, but if I'm the only thing standing between the world and complete confusion about the breaking news from Egypt, the world's doomed anyway.
By the way, this is freaking hilarious. Some guy actually created a special account for himself on Twitter to convey this sentiment to me:
Johnnys_[expletive deleted] @ClaireBerlinski You're a hot woman. Talk about yourself more. Surely you don't even care about Egypt that much.
Johnnys_[expletive deleted]@ClaireBerlinski Enough about Egypt already. You don't get paid by the post. We're Americans - WE DON'T REALLY CARE ALL THAT MUCH.
Well, Johnnys_[expletive deleted], you sound like a gentle and anguished soul, and I for one cannot remain insensate in the face of your suffering. So you've got it: No Egypt today.
Other topics off the table completely: All of the Middle East. All of it. I'm not saying a word. Turkey--the whole country's totally off limits. It's like the entire Republic of Turkey doesn't exist for me today. Europe? My mouth is zipped. David Cameron's speech about multiculturalism--interesting, but find yourselves another pundit. In fact, today, I'm just not going to talk about politics. Period.
Yes, but Claire, this is Ricochet, the beating heart and soul of clever and cunning conservative conversation! What exactly do you plan to talk about all day if not politics?
This. I plan to talk about this. That's amazing, isn't it?
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Comments :
Jul '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
I don't think You can make it all day without mentioning anything Middle East.
Jul '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
So next we'll be receiving reports of Egypt-coverage-withdrawal from all across the Ricoverse. I think I feel the tremens coming on now.
On the vid: Okay, I recognize Nancy Pelosi, but who's the guy she is dancing with?
Oct '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Superb video. I sent it to our offspring in New Mexico who have been trapped inside by minus-30-degree weather with their 2-year-old and 3 dogs. THANKS!
Dec '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Forget David cameron; that video is very mutlicutural.
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
So how would you go about training a dog to do that? I mean, does he know the whole routine from start to finish, do you think? Or is it a series of small tricks, each one of which has a cue?
Jul '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Claire Berlinski, Ed.
So how would you go about training a dog to do that? I mean, does he know the whole routine from start to finish, do you think? Or is it a series of small tricks, each one of which has a cue? · Feb 5 at 4:04am
Well, I would never [Middle East] go about training [Egypt] a dog to do that [Tunisia]. Yes, I think it's obvious [Jordan] that it's a whole routine [Mubarak].
Dec '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Claire Berlinski, Ed.
So how would you go about training a dog to do that? I mean, does he know the whole routine from start to finish, do you think? Or is it a series of small tricks, each one of which has a cue? · Feb 5 at 4:04am
Option B, without a doubt.
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Man, if I could just train my cats to do Swan Lake, I bet I could get out of the punditry business for good. I am seeing the future here. Start with little steps, right? First I get them in the tutus, then we work on a few pas de bourrées en pointes?
Sep '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
I would watch, Claire, but I'm still on my moratorium of watching cute anthropomorphic animal videos for another week since my dog, Buster over there >>> won't let me play Wii with my kids. I thought the game was Wheel of Fortune, to him, it's fetch.
Kinda like those demonstrations in Egypt. To the people in the street it's Democracy to the MB it's Death to America.
Edited on Feb 5, 2011 at 4:40amOct '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
The vertically challenged person inside that dog suit has incredibly skinny legs, don’t you think? Finding someone suitable for cat suit, however, is like . . . I don’t know, finding a peaceful settlement to the . . . uh, never mind.
Edited on Feb 5, 2011 at 5:13amSep '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Man, if I could just train my cats to do Swan Lake
Dancing dogs. How quaint.
Dec '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Sisyphus: So next we'll be receiving reports of Egypt-coverage-withdrawal from all across the Ricoverse. I think I feel the tremens coming on now.
On the vid: Okay, I recognize Nancy Pelosi, but who's the guy she is dancing with? · Feb 5 at 3:32am
C'mon Sisyphus -- give the dog some credit. It's better looking and has demonstrated in three minutes that it's smarter than Pelosi.... ;)
Sep '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Jimmy Carter
Claire Berlinski, Ed.
So how would you go about training a dog to do that? I mean, does he know the whole routine from start to finish, do you think? Or is it a series of small tricks, each one of which has a cue? · Feb 5 at 4:04am
Well, I would never [Middle East] go about training [Egypt] a dog to do that [Tunisia]. Yes, I think it's obvious [Jordan] that it's a whole routine [Mubarak]. · Feb 5 at 4:11am
If you had added [Sarah Palin], you'd be on to something.
Sep '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
So how would you go about training a dog to do that?
Because of their peculiar pancake shaped brains, dogs make excellent customer service reps, slovenly bent on pleasing you and your friends for nothing more than a smile, a pat on the head, and a toss of your Starbucks carafe high in the air so they can play fetch with you in the shopping mall parking lot.
But while you may all laugh and have an amusing time in this thread in this painful display of servitude to [cough, cough, my real thoughts are deleted] "man's best friend", remember that when you need someone to actually manage the Starbucks, when you need some oomph, some gravitas, some asta la vista chester, you know, deep down, that only a cat can run the place.
Because: dogs have masters; cats have staff.
Edited on Feb 5, 2011 at 5:59amJul '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Johannes Allert
Sisyphus: So next we'll be receiving reports of Egypt-coverage-withdrawal from all across the Ricoverse. I think I feel the tremens coming on now.
On the vid: Okay, I recognize Nancy Pelosi, but who's the guy she is dancing with? · Feb 5 at 3:32am
C'mon Sisyphus -- give the dog some credit. It's better looking and has demonstrated in three minutes that it's smarter than Pelosi.... ;) · Feb 5 at 5:40am
Pelosi's good twin???
May '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
We could also talk about fast trains. They say we're going to have "bullet trains" soon.
Life is good.
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
I'm demoralized. I've spent an hour trying to get even one cat into a tutu and honestly, I'm not sure this new project is actually going to be easier than sorting out the Middle East.
Jul '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Scott Reusser: We could also talk about fast trains. They say we're going to have "bullet trains" soon.
Life is good. · Feb 5 at 6:17am
Yeah, I looked into that. There aren't even any bullets. I think the name's just a trick to get conservative support. Those central planning types are wily.
May '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
Pseudodionysius: ...
Because of their peculiar pancake shaped brains, dogs make excellent customer service reps, slovenly bent on pleasing you and your friends for nothing more than a smile, a pat on the head, and a toss of your Starbucks carafe high in the air so they can play fetch with you in the shopping mall parking lot.
...in this painful display of servitude to [cough, cough, my real thoughts are deleted] "man's best friend", remember that when you need someone to actually manage the Starbucks, when you need some oomph, some gravitas, some asta la vista chester, you know, deep down, that only a cat can run the place.
Because: dogs have masters; cats have staff.
It's all about the entertainment. What has a cat done for me lately? And why aren't they ever allergic to themselves? They just plot evil and suffering to humankind.*
*Footnote: Except my two amazing cats who were really more like dogs. All furry and scaly creatures in my home submit to the Supreme Ruler, which would be me. ...And Pseudo once I adopt him. I assume it's a him. Her? It?
Don't diss the dogs, Fur Ball.
Jul '10
Re: And Now For Something Completely Different, Like an Amazing Dancing Dog
I guess it's time to retire this oft-quoted wisdom from famed lexicographer and sage Dr. Samuel Johnson:
“A woman’s preaching is like a dog dancing on its hinder legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find that it is done at all.”