Always Read the Fine Print
I think I can tell this story in just this one sentence: I’m in the middle of watching the Washington Capitals play the New York Rangers in a National Hockey League game on NBC today, when a Verizon commercial comes on featuring a man wrestling an alligator in a swamp while he’s extolling the virtues of his cell phone, and just when I’m about to go out and find a swamp and an alligator, some small print appears on the screen informing me that what I’m watching is a fictionalization, and that I shouldn’t attempt it, thereby dissuading me from placing myself in serious jeopardy, for which I’m extremely grateful to the good folks at NBC, Verizon, their advertising agency and all of the lawyers and regulators who help create these rules to protect an unwary viewer from possible harm.
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May '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Not so fast, Pat. We've got a swamp full of alligators that need to be wrestled down if we're ever going to get that swamp drained. Well be needing you in the swamp up to your knees .... at least.
May '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
It seems the warning is specifically about wrestling alligators and cellphones. Wrestling wolves is fair game. Wolves and iPads. Alligators are too slippery.
Dec '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
So it's not dangerous to wrestle the alligator, only to talk on your cellphone while doing so? I can rest much easier now.
Feb '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Oh, Pat. Sometimes you are so naïve and innocent it hurts! Alligators aren’t dangerous. They just have to have those warning announcements because of legal technicalities. It doesn’t mean anything.
Nov '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
That's nearly as funny as the fine print at the bottom of the commercials for the Chevy Volt, which reads something like "The Chevrolet Volt may be available only in limited quantities at selected dealerships". Because they're about to run out, you know.
FWIW, I'd rather ride around on a muddy alligator.
Feb '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
A word of advice, though: If you are wrestling an alligator before you have an important business meeting, make sure you have a styptic pencil handy.
Dec '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
According to the fine print, a Toyota pickup truck doesn't maneuver downhill on a ski slope just like a snowboard, nor does it safely do aerial barrel rolls. Who knew?
Dec '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
BTW - Pat, it's good to have you back among us. The flagship podcast was beginning to get pretty depressing before last week.
Jan '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
That is one sentence: well done.
There's a commercial that actually puts those absurd fine print warnings to good use. As a pickup truck comes down a snowy mountainside, the warnings assure the viewer that pickup trucks can't snowboard. And then when the same pickup hurtles hundreds of feet through the air to come to rest in front of the camera, the warnings add: "or do barrel rolls."
I thought that was clever.
(Aaagh: The Dastardly Stuart Creque beat me to it! You win this round.)
Edited on February 12, 2012 at 8:25pmFeb '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Pat, I am watching that same game and with the amount of litigation today, I am fully expecting Fine Print informing us "Warning: these are paid professionals, do not try this at home it may cause severe exhaustion or injury."
Dec '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
That was no alligator.
That was the friendly Verizon Customer Service Representative "communicating" with the loyal customer. If you had not been distracted by the fine print you would have notice the empathetic look in the Representative's eyes which show how much they care. They just look like alligators because they have thick skin.
Edited on February 12, 2012 at 8:42pmMar '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
If you don't wish to wrestle the alligator, you can always capture it. Just bring a tweezers, a matchbox, binoculars, and a copy of The Audacity of Hope. Further instructions are available on request.
Feb '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
My kids have been refusing to laugh at that for thirty years.
Dec '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Fun fact (really and for true): if you end up in the grip of an alligator or crocodile that tries to pull you into the water to drown you in a "death roll" maneuver, you may be able to save yourself by forcing your arm down its throat. These animals use a membrane to keep water out of their lungs when they open their mouths underwater, and if you can force the membrane open, they'll react to the water in their windpipe by spitting you out. It's true: I saw it on an episode of I Shouldn't Be Alive.
Jul '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Who's to say you'll be getting your arm back?
May '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Back in my college days, those of us that aspired to careers in the media were required to take a course in Mass Media law. Besides the usual cases (Times v Sullivan, etc) we were required to study complaints that had been brought before the Federal Trade Commission by unhappy viewers of advertising.
One concerned a disappointed woman who had purchased a Tonka Truck for her son. She believed that the truck would include the pile of dirt shown in toy's commercial. The FTC required Tonka to revise the advertisement with the words "Dirt Not Included."
And government triumphed over common sense once again.
Jun '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
This type of joke is kind of a standard throwback for comedians who want to fill time -- "Wow, those companies sure think we customers are idiots aren't they? Ha, ha, ha."
Unfortunately, the joke's not that funny -- well, it's funny, but it's not for the reason one might think. The reason there are ridiculous warning labels on everyday appliances is because of the litigiousness of fools who often do such ridiculous things and, then, looking for a way to cash in (or rationalizing their stupidity as not their fault), sue the company.
So in short: Yes, the cell phone company really does think the viewers are that stupid. Because they are. The joke is on judges who don't throw such frivolous lawsuits out immediately, rather than letting them suck up the resources of companies such that they have to put some absurd and insulting warning labels on all of our products.
(Seriously, take a look at all the warning labels/instructions/cautionary messages on a step ladder these days. It's insane.)
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
EJHill: Back in my college days, those of us that aspired to careers in the media were required to take a course in Mass Media law. Besides the usual cases (Times v Sullivan, etc) we were required to study complaints that had been brought before the Federal Trade Commission by unhappy viewers of advertising.
One concerned a disappointed woman who had purchased a Tonka Truck for her son. She believed that the truck would include the pile of dirt shown in toy's commercial. The FTC required Tonka to revise the advertisement with the words "Dirt Not Included."
It's the same reason you find the words "serving suggestion" on so many labels in the grocery store, lest you be misled into thinking there actually is a steak inside that bottle of steak sauce or a glass of milk inside that TV dinner.
Dec '11
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Sorry you had to be interrupted from watching Ovechkin for that!
May '10
Re: Always Read the Fine Print
Or my other favorite "Enlarged to show detail."
Man, I only bought that frozen pizza for the 5" pepperoni, the 3" mushroom pieces and the fact that the cheese is shown being layered deeper than the actual box...