Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
In The Transom this morning, Ben Domenech highlighted a letter that former Sen. Alan Simpson sent to members of the California Alliance of Retired Americans in reaction to protests he encountered during his West Coast tour with Erskine Bowles. When I first saw it, I thought it must be some type of parody. But it turns out it's just one of the greatest rants to ever see the light of day.
To Whom It May Concern:
Erskine Bowles and I thoroughly enjoyed our time on the West Coast and received an excellent reception from folks — at least those who are using their heads and have given up using emotion, fear, guilt or racism to juice up their troops. Your little flyer entitled “Bowles! Simpson! Stop using the deficit as a phony excuse to gut our Social Security!” is one of the phoniest excuses for a “flyer” I have ever seen. You use the faces of young people, who are the ones who are going to get gutted while you continue to push out your blather and drivel. My suggestion to you — an honest one — read the damn report. The Moment of Truth — 67 pages, and then tell me if we’re not doing the right thing with Social Security. What a wretched group of seniors you must be to use the faces of the very people that we are trying to save, while the “greedy geezers” like you use them as a tool and a front for your nefarious bunch of crap. You must feel some sense of shame for shoveling out this [expletive]. Read the latest news from the Social Security Trustees. The Social Security System will now “hit the skids” in 2033 instead of 2036. If you can’t understand all of this you need a pane of glass in your naval so you can see out during the day! Read the report. Get back to me. My address is below.
If you don’t read the report, — as Ebenezer Scrooge said in the Christmas Carol, “Haunt me no longer!”
Best regards,
Alan Simpson
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Dec '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
This is awesome.
Jun '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Excellent. As an older America, I agree with Simpson. Hey, I like money as much as the next guy, but I want to be able to look my grandkids in the eye.
Aug '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Wow, that looks like one of those fake internet things in 20 pt colored font that I'm always warning my sister about.
Good for Simpson - not like he has anything to lose.
Jul '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Perfect!
May '12
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
I guess you can argue with the language and/or the presentation, but you can't argue agains the message.
May '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Bravo!! We need more direct in your face like this.
May '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
At least 3x/week driving up Geary I pass a group a senior citizens from a (quite tony) nearby Episcopalian retirement community urging me to honk in solidarity with the 99%. I think I'll print up a few dozen of these and pass them through the window next time I am stopped at a light.
Aug '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Don't roll that window too far down, Trace - they might mace ya!
May '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Does this letter mean that Simpson is officially that crotchety old man yelling, "Get off my lawn!"
Jun '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Trace: I'll bet most of those folks have grandchildren. They must be math-deprived because they obviously care more about themselves than the rising generations. This isn't rocket science, as they say; either we cut it back or we're engaging in intergenerational theft.
Edited on May 25, 2012 at 2:27amMay '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
I wish some currently serving Senators would make this argument.
May '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
I know that Alan Simpson frequently dissapointed conservatives while he was in office, but he was always entertaining, and, to me, that is more than enough.
May '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
No, he's been there for 25 years. Even as a Senator he could be totally impolitic.
To Ashley Carson of the Older Women's League: "I’ve spent many years in public life trying to stabilize that system while people like you babble into the vapors about 'disgusting attempts at ageism and sexism' and all the rest of that crap."
"Stop yapping your lips and listen good. This commission might be packed with millionaires, but we're looking out for little people who need Social Security.'
'I've made some plenty smart cracks about people on Social Security who milk it to the last degree. You know 'em too...We've reached a point now where it's like a milk cow with 310 million tits!"
Edited on May 25, 2012 at 2:40amJun '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
I agree on some of his policies, but he was the most spontaneously funny Senator in my lifetime (not that he's had much competition). The competition for the "pompous" award is hotly contested each year.
His rant proves an important principle of ranting: if you're going to do it, make it funny.
Edited on May 25, 2012 at 2:48amOct '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
Simpson has a great idea here. It's just barely conceivable that the half-literate left might actually see they've done to Social Security, if we could only expand the Cash for Caulkers subsidy to cover abdominal window installation. Call your Congressman!
Sep '10
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
As a 28 year old American, I fully endorse this rant. Most of my friends, even the apolitical/apathetic ones, know not to expect a dime from Social Security.
May '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
"If you can’t understand all of this you need a pane of glass in your naval so you can see out during the day!"
Priceless!
Oct '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
MBF, I'll be twice your age in a few years (or I would if you stopped aging), and it'd be foolish for me to expect a dime from it. You'll probably have to pay extra to not subsidize me or something.
Mar '11
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
I love how Westminster-Canterbury Retirement Resort describes itself as a joint mission of the Presbyterian and Episcopalian Churches. It must be tough keeping millionaires faithful. (You've gotta be poor to get into a Catholic nursing home.)
Re: Alan Simpson's Epic Rant
And the California Alliance for Retired Americans' super lame response: