Ah, Kids These Days
The carefree sexual life of two Brown University students, whose social networking etiquette is duly detailed in the student paper:
A March 31 "poke" on Facebook.com led to an encounter over the weekend between two seniors that "can only be termed an extraordinarily awkward one-night stand," according to participant Ethan Gold '06.
The chain of events that led to the uncomfortable, no-strings-attached sex in Eva Larson '06's Young Orchard dorm room began last Friday. Sitting at her Rockefeller Library carrel, Larson, a modern culture and media concentrator who stayed in Providence over spring break to finish her senior thesis on "Deconstructing the Meta-Narratives of Postmodern Celebrity Weeklies," was procrastinating on Facebook.com.
Larson came upon Gold's profile and "felt an instant attraction" to his picture, in which the San Francisco native is wearing an "artfully frayed" Amoeba Music t-shirt. Larson told The Herald she was "somewhat perplexed" by Gold's interest in "spiritual ecology," though she ultimately overcame this initial reservation...
At midnight, Gold called Larson to let him into her room. Sitting on opposite ends of the common room couch, the two seniors shared a six pack of Stella Artois and commiserated about their thesis stress. At 1 a.m., Larson invited Gold into her bedroom to "see some of my books," according to Gold.
But when the conversation turned to late cultural theorist Michel Foucault's interpretation of religion under late capitalism, Gold and Larson found themselves at an awkward impasse.
"I was shocked when he said he believed in 'a greater spirit,'" Larson told The Herald yesterday. "I mean, how was I supposed to respond to that?"
Unsure of how to move beyond the topic of God and religion, copulation of the most "awkward, perfunctory variety" ensued, according to Larson....
Gold crept out of Young Orchard, shoes and shirt in hand, after Larson drifted off to sleep following an abrupt end to the tryst.
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Comments :
Nov '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Someone please tell me that this paper is the Brown version of The Onion. Please.
Edited on May 24, 2011 at 6:33amMay '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
You realize this is a spoof Bill? Right?
Jan '11
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
"Unsure of how to move beyond the topic of God and religion, copulation of the most 'awkward, perfunctory variety' ensued ... "
I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or call their parents and get them the hell out of that environment. That's just not natural. Different parts of the body have different functions. It's best to leave it that way.
Jan '11
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Ooops. I didn't. Need coffee.
Feb '11
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Are you asserting knowledge, or are you hoping?
May '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Ed Gorz
Are you asserting knowledge, or are you hoping? · May 24 at 7:13am
Well from my occasional forays out of the bunker I can assure you with 99.9% certainty that this is tongue-in-cheek. But I'm sure the Herald editors will have a great time if they discover that their piece was actually taken seriously by a conservative Web publication.
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Yes, indeed. It's here for pure entertainment, and for what passes for entertainment in one of our leading Ivy papers.
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Yes, indeed. It's here for pure entertainment, and for what passes for entertainment in one of our leading Ivy papers.
May '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Layla: Someone please tell me that this paper is the Brown version of The Onion. Please. · May 24 at 6:33am
Edited on May 24 at 06:33 am
These were the exact words forming in my mind as I prepared my reply to this post. Exact, down to the punctuation. Creepy.
Aug '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
I knew it !
[Comment redacted by an editor]
Edited on May 24, 2011 at 10:11amMar '11
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Check the date - 4/3/06 - it's got to be their April Fool issue.
Jun '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
No day should be without its Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment, and mine came when I read: "Deconstructing the Meta-Narratives of Postmodern Celebrity Weeklies." Perfect, absolutely perfect.
Aug '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
What a slut.
Dec '10
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Talk about burying the lede. Shouldn't the headline be, "Jewish Boy Scores"?
Feb '11
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
Trace Urdan
Ed Gorz
Are you asserting knowledge, or are you hoping? · May 24 at 7:13am
Well from my occasional forays out of the bunker I can assure you with 99.9% certainty that this is tongue-in-cheek. But I'm sure the Herald editors will have a great time if they discover that their piece was actually taken seriously by a conservative Web publication. · May 24 at 7:21am
Out of the bunker? No one told me there was a way out!
Jan '11
Re: Ah, Kids These Days
From Young Frankenstein:
Let's forget about thinking.Thinking's never smart.Flush your brain right down the drainand listen to your heart!
Let's be a couple of dumbbells,Dumb right from the start.Lose your mind, 'cause love it blind,and listen to your heart!
Lets be stupid togetherNot a thought in our headBird brains of a featherWho fly right into bed
Lets be totally foolishTwo nitwits never apartYou'll find such bliss in, the kissin' you're missin',so listen, listen to your heart!
As ev'rybody knows, if it's sex they're thinking of,intellectuals are ineffectualswhen it comes to making love.
Nietzsche always said he wouldn't,Schopenhauer thought he shouldn't,and as for Immanuel Kant,Ev'ry girl in town knew that Kant,couldn't.
Listen to your heart!Listen to your heart!
Let's be blithering idiots,singing love's sweet song.We'll blither ev'ry morning,and blither all night long!
Let's find things undiscovered,Don't resist Cupid's dart, You'll find such joy,just being a boy,So listen, listen to your heart!