Addiction Answers?
I'm partial to one method of treating addiction -- the Twelve Steps. I'm alive because of it, actually.
My father's drinking was wearing my mother's patience thin in the late 60s. They had two young sons -- my brothers -- and my dad wasn't around much. It was shape up or ship out, my dad told me later, although those words were never spoken by my strong, no-nonsense mother. But my father saw the writing on the wall and shaped up through Alcoholics Anonymous. I was born in 1971. He died last year, and one of the proudest moments of his final months was earning the 40 Years Sober chip. I now carry it with me everywhere I go.
But I know Charlie Sheen and other bright lights mock AA. It doesn't work. It's just a bunch of empty platitudes. The "Higher Power" stuff creeps me out. Whatever. I get it. But I think it can work. With my family history, how could I not?
Baseball season starts today and one thing I've been thinking about is Texas Ranger Josh Hamilton, last year's AL MVP. The guy was pretty much responsible for taking down the Yankees in the playoffs, too. Over Christmas, I read his book, Beyond Belief: Finding the Strength to Come Back. His descent into addiction, his battle back to peak athletic form, and his relapse in 2009 are told in frank style, and it's a gripping read. It gave me a lot to think about. In it, Hamilton dismisses, in a mostly respectful way, AA and treatment facilities. He insists the only way for him to stay sober is through Christianity. Fair enough. It seems to be working for him. I saw reports from spring training this year that old time scouts say Hamilton is the closest thing they've seen to Mickey Mantle.
A couple of days ago, I came across another remarkable addiction story. This one is that of Erik Ainge, a NY Jets backup QB, who also happens to be the nephew of basketball wiz (on and off the court) Danny Ainge. He looks and acts like that kid we all knew in high school who had a lot of gifts, but lived a little too wild. But he's still a kid. And he's only sober about 9 months. I believe he's speaking out for the right reasons -- he wants to help others -- but I really have to worry for the guy. I think he should hunker down, avoid the spotlight, create a new normal for himself. A sober schedule. But that's just me.
I am not a member of any addiction group. I've shared my bias above. I also have a few pet theories that fall mostly in line with AA. I don't think athletes, actors, celebrities, etc. should be talking to the media about their sobriety until they've got 20 years. Partly for their own good but partly for others. This tendency to talk -- which provides a kind of high in itself -- is part of what kept two of my favorite athletes, Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden, from ever really getting over the hump. They kept doing interviews about their hops on and off the wagon. The drama fed the media; the media interest fed the addiction. Watching it from both up close and afar troubled me greatly, and I've written about it before.
What do you folks think when you read about Hamilton, Lindsay Lohan, Sheen, Gooden, etc.? Any thoughts on what works? Christianity? The 12 Steps? Will Power? Luck? Nothing?
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Comments :
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
I drank a quart of whiskey a day for nearly twenty years. It nearly killed me, and wreaked havoc in my life. I've been sober now for ten years. If I had been in a position financially to corrupt doctors or purchase whatever I wanted, I'd still be messed up or, more likely, dead.
AA worked for me, but it is very, very hard. It consists much more of going to meetings and telling everyone your latest hangups. If it's done right it works miracles.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
As one who knows, ahem, the Twelve Steps, as formulated, are unworkable. However, that doesn't diminish the benefit of AA. AA makes you feel like you're not a freakish lowlife, it connects you with remarkably talented people who go through exactly the same thing you've been going through, and you hear all kinds of useful things if you bother to listen.
Its benefits diminish over time, however, and it becomes just another social club, and one that unfortunately likes to dwell on alcohol a bit too much for the middle of the day.
I would highly recommend going to AA for at least a year, and then slowly letting it go. And dear God, avoid rehab. That's just a scam.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
But one of the key things to remember is, you're never cured. You don't become not-an-alcoholic. It's a part of you that can't be excised. And the threat of relapse is always just minutes away. Which kind of sucks.
The best safeguard is to be surrounded by people who care about you and watch you like a hawk. AA is kind of a substitute for that, with the benefit of understanding you as most people don't, but the flaw that you really don't care about disappointing them. Not enough, anyway.
Like mesquito up there, I very nearly ceded the Race to 40 to you this past year, as I was almost pronounced dead at 39, and still ain't lookin so great. It focuses the mind.
Feb '11
Re: Addiction Answers?
My understanding of the data for 12-step programs is that it doesn't work very well (meaning it has a high relapse rate), but nothing works better. The same can be said for Weight Watchers for weight loss or for democracy for running a country.
Nov '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
I smoked through college and for a long while thereafter. Anyone who says smoking is disgusting has never taken a proper drag and experienced its buzz. Of course, you only get a buzz the first couple times, but smoking did make a lot of things more fun. Things like hanging with your buddies over beers, or grabbing a table on the patio of a coffee shop with a good book. Eventually my girlfriend asked me to stop. Which I did, for awhile. Then, I managed to hide it from her for several years. That took its toll. I had dreams about it. It felt like I was cheating on her. Which I may as well have been because it entailed lying and hiding things from her. And always being on my guard. And that is why smoking is disgusting. But I couldn't quit on my own, and I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I think I knew I had to get caught in order to quit. And eventually, I was. And it was every bit as ugly as I feared it would be.
But I stopped. Cold turkey. 10 years ago this month, in fact. -cont
Nov '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
cont- So my cure for smoking? A truly existential crisis with the woman you had planned to spend your life with. The worst part of it all is that I could have come to her any time and, had I been willing to accept her reaction, been able to ask for her help. Which she would have given, after blowing a fuse of course.
But all that being said, to echo what Kennedy Smith said above, I am still a smoker. I just don't smoke anymore. I still pine for it on occasion, and if I knew the world was going to end tomorrow, I bet I would grab a smoke. And then brush my teeth, take a shower and change my clothes before seeing my wife. I can't even pretend without feeling guilty.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
Who says smoking is disgusting? Prudes and denialists. Smoking is hella-cool. Just ask Team America. Then again, it was never an addiction for me.
Aug '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
Addiction is a terrible thing. I watched my mother struggle with it until she died due to complications related to heroin addiction. I think that programs like AA, which is heavily based in the Protestant phenomenon of testimony, can be greatly beneficial, but they they also have elements that can feed the cycle for very reasons you stated Doc and Daryl struggled. The desire for the high of "acceptance" can lead one into self-delusion which can lead to relapse.
To recover from addiction one needs to face the fact that one is an addict, confront the harm that it has done to themselves and others, and realize that there are only two ways out of addiction to drugs and alcohol -- to stop using or to die because of it.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
I despair of Lindsey. Such a beautiful girl, not lacking in talent. And only 24. But she looks mid-40s, and it's kind of early to be doing that. One would hope her vanity would keep her in line, but apparently not.
This is the difference between a serious problem and Miley Cyrus toking up. One is just shenanigans, and the other is dangerous.
And yet, the solution to both is .... Rehab! Which is unnecessary for the one and useless for the other.
Re: Addiction Answers?
Gotta say: glad you're both here, with us. Please do what it takes to stick around, okay?
Feb '11
Re: Addiction Answers?
As someone just starting to learn my way around the AA/Al-Anon program/culture -- and a baseball fan -- I find this post exceedingly well-timed! Not much to add except that I think celebrities are just about as qualified to comment on the "average" person's struggles with addiction and recovery as they are to comment on politics, parenting and personal finance. Which is to say, not very.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
Just snag me an invite to one of those Hollywood AA meetings, Rob. You need never worry again.
Jun '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
All I know is that different programs work for different people. To be successful the addict has to admit the drugs or booze hold power over him.
I had a sub-unit for substance abuse patients on my med-surg floor years ago in my nursing days. Frankly, they were a total pain in the behind. I spent more time trying to keep them from sneaking out of the hospital for a quick fix and convincing them to return the pocketbooks they had stolen from the acutely ill and confused old ladies on the floor or keeping them away from the drug cart than I did providing any actual nursing care to them. The drug addicts had a very, very uncomfortable detox process. The alcoholics were, however, in danger of actually dying as they detoxed, so I had to prioritize and spend more time monitoring them. Adding to the fun was the occasional HIV+ drug addict in a reverse isolation room because of TB --- oh those were the days.
I know I sound, to say the least, unsympathetic. I'm actually not. It's just that a hospital is not necessarily the best start for rehab.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
Oh yeah, that was funny. The guy on the phone said "whatever you do, don't stop drinking; you could have a seizure." I'm like, cool! It was actually medicinal. Then of course, they just ratchet you down over three days with decreasing doses of Librium, which makes you clumsy and sleepy, but nowhere near as witty or insightful.
Oct '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
Mesquito's experience sounds familiar, a bottle of bourbon a day and now ten years sober. Except, I didn't go through AA. The mechanism is just a tool. It's what helps the individual execute a plan. Having the plan, deciding to quit, is what matters. I quit because it was time and I hadn't yet given up on my dreams.
I do not agree that an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. An addict will always be an addict. One may or may not return to an earlier addiction. I'm no more an alcoholic today than I was sober ten years ago. I am every bit the addict today that I have always been. Since tabling self-destruction, until injuries took me down, I ran marathons with ever greater pace. Today my addictions are manifest in obsessive thought and creative experiments trying to make sense and beauty of a world forever mad.
If I lose my loved ones, I may find myself blissfully inebriated in a Colorado cabin welcoming home the demons. But not today. Perhaps not ever.
Jun '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
Kennedy, alcoholic DTs can kill you. I would not call a seizure "medicinal" at all. In fact, my alcoholic father-in-law, who we naively invited to our wedding, had a seizure on the steps of the church as our bridal party was leaving. He foolishly thought he'd give sobriety a try for the day. Lucky for him, several bridesmaids were nurses & they knelt down on the concrete and administered care until the ambulance arrived.
Fortunately, my marriage has been much more successful than my wedding.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
I'm glad you and mesquito are still around.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
For those of us who don't struggle with a chemical addiction, it is extremely painful and frustrating to watch loved ones go through their journey from being subject to their addictions and then hopeful the loved ones will recover to actually seeing the recovery and wondering if it will last or for how long. It is the never-ending dilemma of longing to trust in a loved one yet dealing with disappointment of being let down.
I think the "magic" of the 12 Steps is actually the relationships that are fostered through that process. I believe that for a person to truly experience healing and recovery from their compulsions and addictions, that person needs to be involved in true friendships - friendships where trust, honesty, truth, forgiveness are expected and given no matter how ugly it can get. Otherwise, what is the point of getting sober if there is no one on the other side to ride life's waves with you. Might as well go back to that fake companion that helps dull whatever is aching or empty.
Re: Addiction Answers?
FeliciaB: For those of us who don't struggle with a chemical addiction, it is extremely painful and frustrating to watch loved ones go through their journey from being subject to their addictions and then hopeful the loved ones will recover to actually seeing the recovery and wondering if it will last or for how long. It is the never-ending dilemma of longing to trust in a loved one yet dealing with disappointment of being let down.
I think the "magic" of the 12 Steps is actually the relationships that are fostered through that process. I believe that for a person to truly experience healing and recovery from their compulsions and addictions, that person needs to be involved in true friendships - friendships where trust, honesty, truth, forgiveness are expected and given no matter how ugly it can get. Otherwise, what is the point of getting sober if there is no one on the other side to ride life's waves with you. Might as well go back to that fake companion that helps dull whatever is aching or empty.
Very, very true, Felicia.
May '10
Re: Addiction Answers?
Oh, great post, BTW, Ursula. Here's a big LIKE for your post and your dad's 40 years of sobriety!