A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
The principle difference between simple misery and abject wretchedness, is the difference between a full bladder on a long stretch of highway, and a full bladder on a long stretch of very bumpy highway. Several years ago, upon learning of my happy fortune to get a load going through my hometown in Louisiana, I celebrated by stopping to fill my travel mug with delicious Community Coffee. Nectar of the gods it is, provided the gods have ready access to the necessary accommodations. As I negotiated the final leg of I-10 leading to the truck stop, my longing to see my family was replaced by a more urgent and pressing need. Thanks to my usual luck, and a good dose of government incompetence, that last stretch of I-10 had enough holes, craters, gashes, cavities, breaks, wounds, fractures, gaps, chasms, and outright canyons to make the moon envious, and me a sloshing bio-hazard.
Getting into the parking lot as quickly as possible, I found a small but seemingly maneuverable “hole” to back the trailer between two other trucks. This is called, “slow maneuvering,” for obvious reasons and it is, in my experience, the principle reason why many would-be truck drivers wash out of training. The trucks on either side of me had done a sloppy job of parking, leaving me precious little room to squeeze in between them,…but I was on a mission. My set-up for the maneuver was less than stellar, and left more “blind side” on the passenger side of the trailer than was prudent, …but I was on a mission.
Slowly backing up, I had cleared the truck to my left (driver’s side) and was maneuvering the cab so that I could see through the right mirror to check my clearance on the blind side when I heard a blast from an air horn. Yep, the passenger side of my trailer had crunched the mirror of the truck to my right. In my haste, I had abandoned the fundamentals of proper backing, and the result was predictable. It didn’t help my bladder situation either.
I was remembering all this while reading the Washington Post today, because the Post always brings out the best in me. Discussing the advice being given the Obama administration, Jena McGregor weighs whether or not a massive staff shakeup is in order. It’s as if, when calling my dispatcher to tell her that I had screwed up, I should have blamed it on the air conditioning, or the cd player. I did confess to my boss that I was distracted by the urgent need to tinkle, but it was still my mistake and I owned it totally. I was smack in the middle of a no-whining (and no-whizzing) zone.
Not so with the President, who fancies being talked about like a dog but insists that George Bush ate his homework. Richard Cohen is quoted in the article as saying, "What Obama can do, what he must do, is get some new people. ... His staff ill-serves him so that he presents a persona at odds with his performance."
That his performance corrupts his persona (or is it the other way around?), has nothing to do with his staff. He persona on the campaign trail was messianic, while his performance is just plain messy. Nevertheless, he is the one at the wheel. He can’t blame it on his staff, or the new carpet, or the Queen’s Ipod. He is the one who set the agenda with the stimulus, the takeover of private enterprise, the payoffs to unions, the horrendous healthcare law, a job-killing moratorium in the gulf coast, and a regulatory / confiscatory boot on the very throat of the private sector. The results have been as predictable as my own act of stupendous idiocy in that parking lot. So Mr. President, you’ve got the results your agenda guarantees. Grow up and claim ownership. The oval office is a no-whining zone. And don’t worry about a staff shakeup. The American people will begin handling that for you soon enough.
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May '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Quote of the Week:
Jul '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Yeah, but didya...you know...make it on time?
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Barely. When people ask if I've ever had any close calls on the road, strangely, this story pops to mind.
Jun '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
I blew through a radar trap one time because I was heading for some roadside bushes for some long delayed relief. When the mounty pulled me over he asked, "what's the hurry?" I told him I needed to P in the worst way. He being a mounty recognized my predicament and target and retorted, "Why don't you pull up to the bushes and P while I write out your ticket." When I got back I found he'd taken off six kpm for the originality of the excuse.
Which puts me in mind of an answer that was read out by one of my history profs in first year European history. There were five two-point identify questions on the test and one of the words to identify was "Rubicon." The answer read out was: "The Rubicon is just like the unicorn except that where the unicorn has its one horn on its head the rubicon has its horn on its rump, making it impossible for the rubicon to reproduce and hence it is extinct." The class voted unanimously to grant the student the full two marks.
Edited on Sep. 8 at 7:36pmJun '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Now, the careful reader may well ask what the H has this to do with anything related to political excuses. All I would add to elucidate is, any port in a storm, brother!
Edited on Sep. 8 at 7:40pmRe: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Wonderful! Which recalls the essay exam of a middle school student who observed that, "Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock." Wedlock, hemlock, liplock, no matter; asking too many questions can backfire.
Jul '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
I can't wait to read Rahm Emmanuel's memoir.
Working title, I understand is:
Surrounded by Stupid. My White House Years
Jul '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Where in the Bayou you from? I spent some time in Red Stick...lovely place.
May '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Dave, it never even occurred to me before that as a truck drive, you can't just pull off into the corner of the parking lot and run into the building. You can't leave your truck just anywhere, you actually have to find a place to put it!
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Michael, I was born in Lake Charles. My family moved to Baton Rouge when I was 2 years old, I believe. Lived there for 10 years, so my earliest memories are of Baton Rouge, my Dad taking me to Tiger Stadium, terrorizing the kindergarten, and then Mom and I playing card games while Dad was away at seminary in New Orleans. My paternal grandmother was actually rasied out on Bayou LaFourche, I think it was. The first language she spoke was Cajun French. It's always a treat for me to get back home, as I'm sure you can tell. When were you in Baton Rouge?
Jul '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Dave has the exclusive freight agreement for Twinkies and Ding Dongs.
To even slow his rig is to invite hijack by gangs of sugar-crazed land pirates.
Whenever he strolls into a truck stop, grizzled veterans of the road nudge each other's elbows and whisper.
Living legend.
Rambo of the Roadway.
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Yes, that's the rub. If I just pull into the 7-11, I'll be on the evening news for running it over. I have a truck stop book in the truck for easy reference. I prefer the interstate system since it has rest areas, etc. When I have to spend any significant time on the rural roads, I tend to dehydrate a bit because I know that opportunities to remedy the situation will be few and far between. Although this did result in a kidney stone situation and a hospital visit once. But that's another story...
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Kenneth
Dave has the exclusive freight agreement for Twinkies and Ding Dongs.
To even slow his rig is to invite hijack by gangs of sugar-crazed land pirates.
Whenever he strolls into a truck stop, grizzled veterans of the road nudge each other's elbows and whisper.
Living legend.
Rambo of the Roadway. · Sep 8 at 8:04pm
You been eavesdropping, eh? Actually, there are drivers that we call "CB Rambos." They are usually the ones on the CB radio trying to start fights at truck stops. They talk a good game, but look more like Peewee Herman and couldn't fight their way out of a revolving door. I don't get many invitations to join in the fun though.
Jul '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
Dave Carter
You been eavesdropping, eh? Actually, there are drivers that we call "CB Rambos." They are usually the ones on the CB radio trying to start fights at truck stops. They talk a good game, but look more like Peewee Herman and couldn't fight their way out of a revolving door. I don't get many invitations to join in the fun though. · Sep 8 at 8:11pm
How much would I pay to see a cage fight between Pee Wee Herman and Paul Krugman?
May '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
You see amazing things on the road. One night I was at a stoplight outside of Lancaster, PA and an Amish buggy pulled up beside me. We were on a four lane street with cars in front of us and cars in back. The old horse started to feel hemmed in and began to back up.
I looked up at the Amishman in the cab to see him putting his full weight on the brake to no avail. The car behind was occupied by a genius who decided the best thing he could do is lay on his horn. Unknown to him, of course, is that that is universal horse talk for, "Could you please run that buggy up on my windshield?" Which he did.
At that point the light turned green and when the car in front of him moved that horse looked like he shot out of the gate at Churchill Downs. I always wondered if Super Genius tried to stop the Amishman to try to exchange insurance cards.
Jun '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
"How much would I pay to see a cage fight between Pee Wee Herman and Paul Krugman?"
Kenneth, coming to theatre near you is not a strong selling point when it comes to Pee Wee Herman.
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
EJHill, I'm always fascinated when I travel in that part of the country and see the Amish going about their daily lives. I slow down when I pass one of their buggies regardless of what direction it is coming from. A horse, or horses, pulling a buggy is sort of like a symphony orchestra in that it is not a situation where you want to do anything that would encourage individual expression.
Jun '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
EJ, very funny!
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
I thought so too!
May '10
Re: A Full Bladder And The Washington Post
We talk a good deal about religion here on Ricochet, but the Amish are their own special group. I always wondered why they tooled along with the rest of civilization and then suddenly woke up one morning in 1857 and decided that the world could go on without them.
But you have to admire their work ethic and their devotion.
Edited on Sep. 8 at 8:51pm