18 Wheels Headed West
“Dad!”
“Hmmm?”
“It’s time to wake up.”
“No it isn’t.”
“Whadaya mean?”
“We just had a meeting of the Board of Directors, and it was unanimously decided that today is cancelled.”
Thus began another day in an 18 wheeler with my Dad, as we make our way west. What a gorgeous day, with the temperature hovering in the upper 50s as we left Shreveport. A bright blue sky greeted us, and we responded with some Dixieland jazz and big band music. When the Preservation Hall Jazz Band served up a dose of Basin Street Blues, Dad played first and second arm rest while I played steering wheel along with a good blast of the air horn to help out the trombone. Add coffee, mix with a few Cajun jokes, and the day couldn’t have been better if money were changing hands.
Invariably the conversation turns to updates on people we knew in years past. And, as is the tradition in the region from whence we sprang, various health maladies take center stage. By the time we figured out just who had gone on to their reward and who was still with us, we almost had to check the obituaries to verify our own status. There’s an old gag Cajun letter that’s been in the family for many years. My sister has a faded copy of it, and I have most of the thing memorized because truly useless material just will not leave my brain, see? Only slightly exaggerated from real life, the letter contains such gems as:
…After your Aunt Besone stepped in da slop jar an’ fell on da flo, dey rush her to da horspital where dey took two or tree ash trays of her hip and say yep, da ting done broke. Uncle Clovise, him he got so upset dat he nearly had a nerving smashdown. He jus’ ain’t been da same since his skinny sista Tammy Anne died from kansas of da breath. Tank God she made her act of conception before she pass away. She always liked God, her. She used to have a statue of God wit da suction cup on da bottom, and she used to wear it in da middle of her forehead all da time. And of course Batille is about tree months stagnant now. She got dem upset stomach, but da doctor, he gave her some milk of gymnasium and she’s quiet as concrete now…
Of course, there’s more to life on the road than old stories and jokes. For example, there is the endless parade of humanity that frequents truck stops. After unfortunate observation, we’ve come to believe that truckers suffer from a higher occurrence of “plumber’s butt” than most plumbers. Perhaps it is the fact that many drivers keep a buffet line of eats and snacks around them while driving. Perhaps it’s the gigantic, colossal piles of food they serve at the truck stops, or the all-you-can-eat buffets at the restaurants that haven’t yet taken out restraining orders against certain customers. We’ve concluded that some of these folks pretty well have to drive a big rig because it’s the only vehicle they can fit in and still meet their transportation needs. For whatever reason, it seemed that almost everywhere we looked today someone was turning the other cheek and having a coming out party. I'll never be able to look at another current affairs book that laments "...the coming crack-up..." the same way.
At any rate, the scenery is scheduled to improve drastically. Not because the drivers will get thinner, but because we are headed for the mountains. Tomorrow we pick up a load that will take us to Denver. Our goal is Amarillo by evening (unlike the song), and then Denver on Friday. I picked up a new set of tire chains this evening, though my personal philosophy is that if it is bad enough for chains, it’s bad enough to find a place to park the rig. I wonder if drivers are more inclined to cover their assets in the frigid mountain climate of the Rockies?
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Comments :
Sep '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Dave, it sounds like you're passing right near my house. Let me guess: I-20 to I-35W north to Highway 287 to Amarillo? Depending on where you catch 287 you could come within about 7 miles of my house.
I love that drive from here to Denver, and then up through Wyoming (across I-80). My sisters live in southeast Idaho, so I've made the drive quite a few times. The vast nothingness is beautiful.
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Richard VanderHoek: Dave, it sounds like you're passing right near my house. Let me guess: I-20 to I-35W north to Highway 287 to Amarillo? Depending on where you catch 287 you could come within about 7 miles of my house.
I love that drive from here to Denver, and then up through Wyoming (across I-80). My sisters live in southeast Idaho, so I've made the drive quite a few times. The vast nothingness is beautiful. · Jan 26 at 6:43pm
Richard, I haven't worked out what part of 287 we will latch onto, but it's a pretty sure bet we will be headed in that direction. I'd like to catch up with I-25 at some point and take it north to Denver. But first, our sights are set on Amarillo. I haven't been through there in years, so this will be enjoyable.
Nov '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
If you’re coming from the South and going North on I-25 to Denver the only pass you have to do will be Raton and that one is a pussy compared to most of the others in Colorado.
Loveland pass seems to be closed permanently this Winter, Eisenhower tunnel has been a problem and Vail pass seems to thinks it’s in Alaska. Chain law in effect for trucks most of the time there this winter. I blame global warming.
Unless you’re heading West into the mountains from Denver you probably won’t get to use those new chains. Maybe on Raton, if at all. It’s sunny and in the 50’s in the town of Raton on Thursday and Friday. Even warmer in Trinidad, CO. That means the pass can’t be bad. In fact, you could have dry road all the way from Amarillo to Denver. Global warming again.
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
From your keyboard to God's ear, TeeJaw.
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
You know what, Dave? I don't really have any comments. I just want you to know that I love this stuff. Just love it.
May '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Oh, Dave. I love the way you write! "
I've got tears right now!
Jul '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Obama is already having Reid arrange for someone to draft legislation requiring Americans to buy and wear belts meeting federal health and safety regulations or else suffer enforcement action from the IRS. It is amazing how careful we have to be about our speech under the Regime.
An elite team of 50,000 accountants and auditors is assembling at this moment to infiltrate the truck stops of this great nation.
Edited on Jan 26, 2011 at 10:55pmJun '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
I guess I have a stupid question. Are you sleeping in the truck or a hotel? Does the truck fit two people?
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Dave, the truck has what they call a "condo sleeper," meaning the sleeper is as tall as the trailers we pull (13' 6"). At that height, the sleeper actually has bunk beds, which is why we are both able to sleep in here. I take the upper berth, Dad snores like he's grinding gears in the lower berth, and there ya go!
Jul '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
You and your dad have a safe trip.
May '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
May I just say, I agree with Peter. And man, do I miss New Orleans. Bought this very shirt there. Well, looted it off Anne Rice after a Halloween party.
Just don't go through Tucson, whatever you do. Sheriff Sputnik or Nudnik or whatever is itchin for a fight like Jackie Gleason in Smokey and the Bandit.
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Kennedy, superb advice as usual. I know the sheriff frowns on militaristic language, etc. My hat alone might make me a target, ...I mean susceptible. So I'll set my sights ...oops, ...I'll aim, ...umm, ...oh hell, I'll go the other direction.
Aug '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Hey Dave,
A little Townes Van Zandt for you, Snowing on Raton. If you ever find yourself in the LA Harbor, I'll buy you a beer and a burger.
Dec '10
Re: 18 Wheels Headed West
Dave,
Perhaps one day I'll have the courage to take to the open road and see some of the country. Your description of the trip almost (barely almost) makes me wish I could afford to do it. Alas, submarines need really big missiles to point at really bad countries, and as there's a hiring freeze on in the gub'mint and only a few of us qualified to drive those missiles from the magazine to the pier, I guess I'll have to delay my foray into real truck driving a bit longer.