While I admire Ricochet for what it’s become, I believe it can do much more, so I’ve decided to do some undercover reporting for the site. I recognize the risk involved in this sort of work and, of course, the challenge of infiltrating private and governmental offices after having been on a wildly popular nightly game show for nearly 30 years. Nonetheless, I feel compelled to take the investigatory plunge. I don’t know how long it will take or what impact it will have on Ricochet or, for that matter, society at large, but my aim is to make this a better site in a better world. To that end, here are just some of the first scoops I’m working on:
BONELESS CHICKEN WINGS ARE NOT REALLY WINGS AT ALL!
I’ve come into the possession of exclusive information that will blow the beak off the poultry business. Secret surveillance photography will prove there are no workers at chicken plants painstakingly removing the tiny bones. Nor are special boneless chickens being bred. Rather, what’s being sold to us as boneless wings are merely little chunks of white meat covered with a sauce designed to create the illusion that consumers are actually eating wings. You’ll never look at appetizers the same way.
RAP STAR DR. DRE IS NOT AN M.D.!
For years, this performer has been operating with the title of “doctor.” My investigation will travel through medical schools in the U.S. and abroad, and I will ultimately prove he never attended any of these institutions. Nor is there any evidence of a PhD nor, for that matter, any sort of advanced degree. My sources at the respected research site, Wikipedia, suggest Dre might not even be his real name. Similar investigations into the lives of “Queen” Latifah and “Prince” will also net some surprising news that will blow the amps off the recording industry.
PRESIDENT OBAMA USES A TELEPROMPTER!
Expert examination of never-before-seen photographs will demonstrate that the President of the United States, supposedly known for his soaring rhetoric, actually reads all of his words (nearly always written by others) from a device that cannot be seen by his audience, but that allows him to see the words as they appear before his eyes. I expect denials from the highest levels of government, but my irrefutable evidence will surely blow the Presidential Seal off Washington.
These are just small samples of what lies ahead for Ricochet readers. I’m off into hiding for a while. Goodbye, Rob. Goodbye, Peter. Wish me well.