The Left Ness Monster

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Ethan Safron · September 26, 2011 at 8:36am

Racism's still alive, they just be concealin' it.
-Kanye West (note: bad language in the video)

Sometimes I have to catch myself when I'm on a train of thought (known in some circles as a tangent.) "Herman Cain talking down Morgan Freeman was great, and plus, how can we be called racists now that a black candidate is getting attention? Maybe now, finally, this whole gig will be up."

Silly Ethan.

I forgot for a second that there's already been a well-known case of a liberal taking on the Herman Cain conundrum. I forgot about the countless times I've heard radio hosts, like Rush Limbaugh, claim that they have black friends and even co-workers who are black. I forgot about the time where Rush even wanted to buy the Rams. Last time I checked, Steven Jackson is black- and he makes bank.

But it's never enough. No, Rush voluntarily paying someone millions of dollars is not a sign of mutual respect. No, having a (now) popular candidate who is black isn't enough. No, respecting and relying on economists like Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams isn't enough. No, having philosophers like 50 Cent calling George W. Bush "gangsta" isn't enough. We've been caught red-handed. We're racists.

But hold on a second. This whole rhetorical battle is a farce. The burden of proof is on them. (I know you, the reader, know that, I'm just getting something off of my chest.) I present to you a wonderful allegory that exemplifies what I'm saying here:

Liberal: The Loch Ness Monster totally exists, man.

Conservative: Can you prove it?

Liberal: Can you prove that it doesn't exist? [end scene]

In this case, liberals are cryptozoologists, dangling the race-card at the end of their line, waiting for something to bite- preferably a xenophobic ogopogo (anyone want to start a band?)

This seems so out of character. After all, the Democrats are the Party of Science. Liberals are the champions of reason- they of all people should know that it's up to them to provide the evidence that reveals our racist ways. Or perhaps I'm overestimating their secular-humanistic superpowers of observation... hmm...

In the end, it's disheartening that conservatives can be constantly barraged with attacks, perhaps even (can I say it?) defamed by entities such as the Congressional Black Caucus. In fact, let me take out my Liberal translator so I can potentially get through to someone without sounding like a total right-wing nutjob: [while sobbing] "Why is the media doing this to us? It hurts my feelings!"

No, but in reality, this whole mess does stink.

For homework: Should we just avoid these allegations altogether? Should we welcome and in fact request soundbites like Herman Cain's firing back at race-baiting?

Postscript: I used the Kanye quote because I just thought it fit. This isn't used to say racism is dead- of course not. By the way, I'm a huge Kanye fan. Seriously. And that's proof that I'm not-