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Ask Amelia: Turtles in the Fast Lane
It’s Friday, which means it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about slow drivers, cheap shoppers, and box turtles!
Why do people take it upon themselves to drive courteously? — Frustrated Driver
Dear Driver,
While it is always appropriate to be considerate, hyper-courtesy on the road just slows people down, making life more difficult for everyone. These people must not have anywhere to be, and are quite the opposite of courteous. Left-lane vigilantes must be stopped.
I can pretty much tell what my pet box turtle Louise is thinking at any time. Should I open with that on a first date or save it for a depth-builder?
— Commander Argon9
Dear Commander (may I call you “Commander?”),
Assuming that you’re not dating Louise, I think that’s something you should keep to yourself, at least until you’ve got a ring on her finger. Maybe allude to it, tell her you love animals, that you’re a responsible and loving pet owner, but leave the mind reading to yourself.
Unless you met the object of your courtship on a box turtle-related dating site. In that case, it seems like something with which to lead.
Amelia,
Why do people wait in line for hours for free or cheap stuff? Don’t they value their time?
— Line Loather
Dear Loather,
Well, a deal is a deal. You can’t blame people for wanting one. Unless you’re in a socialist country. There, they’re in line to get the scraps the government deigns to give them. If you’re talking about America, though, lines are an irritating part of capitalism, but I’ll take it. Stop being anti-lineist.
Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment!
Want to ask a question? Tweet your questions using #AskAmHam or e-mail AskAmelia@mail.com.
Published in General
I hate it when people drive slowly in the fast lane.
I guess I don’t quite understand the question from Frustrated Driver. He didn’t ask about hyper-courteous drivers or those who drive slow in the left lane. Driving slow in the left lane is the opposite of courteous. I wonder what sorts of courtesies bother him (or her).
Question, do you know how turtles make love?
Answer, In——————————————– out , in—————————————out
That is akin to high treason in the Lone Star State, but lately with all these Yankee transplants it is becoming more of an issue.
Yep, Yankees ruin everything.
There are two kinds of drivers: idiots, who drive slower than me, and maniacs, who drive faster than me.
The triumph of hope over experience.
People really, really like free stuff, and don’t mind waiting in line for, say, an hour to get a free taco that costs $1.50, thereby earning about a fifth of the minimum wage. Hey, but free is free.
Here’s a question for you: How far will you drive out of your way to save 1¢ on a gallon of gasoline?
Axe man, I never look at the price of gas. I know what ever it is it beats walking.
When I become Dictator of the Republic of TEXAS, I’ll decree that any Passer from the Right lane passing a Passee that’s in the left lane gets one shot at the Passee’s tires.
Also, license plate characters will be the Owner’s cell number, then You can call or text the driver and tell ’em what You think of Their driving.
Which one are you?
Jimmy Carter for Royal Eminent Dictator!
I am a courteous driver because I would like to live in a world where there are courteous drivers. I can’t make anyone else that way, but I can ensure that there is at least one.
When my wife has to get home as soon as possible because she’s desperate to get to the bathroom, she tells me I’m driving like an idiot. At all other times she tells me I’m driving like a maniac.
If you have the time but not the money — if a minimum-wage job isn’t on offer (either as a primary job or as a supplement) — that’s not necessarily a bad deal. I’ve had a few occasions when I would indeed have stood in line an hour for a free meal.
I can assure you guys, this is one Yankee that was not holding up traffic when he visited the Lone Star State.
On any limited-access road that has left exits, you are gonna get slower drivers in the left lane. Otherwise you go bombing into that 25 mph exit ramp at 70 mph. And if they have left entrances, ditto. You have to slow down in the left lane or you rear-end the poor driver trying to merge onto the Interstate from a 25 mph entrance ramp.
And yeah – that happens, even in Texas. I-45 at Allen Parkway. The I-45/I-69/US-288 Interchange.
On my morning drive to work, I have to get from I-45 Northbound to I-69 (nee US-59) Westbound. You put yourself in the middle-left lane of I-45, cross two lanes of US-288 (after merging from the left of 288, then watching the right lane of 288 become the center lane of US-69 – the two lanes become one) and then cross over to the right lane of I-69, all at 50 mph on a slow day. (Unless there has been an accident and you do this at 5 mph.)
I live for courteous drivers who will slow down a tad and let me in.
Seawriter
That makes sense. Even putting in an hour’s hard work to get a “free” meal when one is hungry and broke makes sense.
But how to explain all those people with money in their pockets who wouldn’t work for the minimum wage who will wait in line for a free taco at Taco Bell? I’d be curious to see how long people would wait in line to get a free $10 bill. I’ll bet some would camp out overnight to be first in line.
It would cost you $100 to find out. Announce on twitter you will give $10 each to the first ten people in line at 7:00 am in such and such a place. I’ll bet a sociology student could get a thesis out of doing this as a study.
Seawriter
Do you Texans still pull onto the shoulder to let someone pass? I noticed that the last time I visited Texas about 30 years ago. And is it still legal in Texas to drive while drinking a beer? I assume that was also legal back then, because I saw some of that going on too.
My personal rule after many years driving an 18-wheeler across the country: Drive as if the vehicles around you contain members of your own family. Seemed reasonable enough and, more often than not, kept me out of trouble. Lately, though, it seems like some long lost cousins are trying to assassinate me.
I would get in my own line in an attempt to keep my costs down to $90.
My morning is now complete and I can get back to work.
The finest of patriots is still among us.
If we want to “Ask Amelia” Do we just send a PM?
Some kind of competitive instinct. Combined with the fact that you can text, call all your friends, take selfies, and do Facebook in line.
Around here people so that while driving in the left lane.
But doing it on the job — even a minimum wage job — might get you fired. Which is a reason standing in line might be more fun.
BrentB67
If we want to “Ask Amelia” Do we just send a PM?
Brett, I just assumed that she just made up the questions she always wanted to answer….
Brentb67
Tweet using #askamham or email askamelia@mail.com :-)
If that is the case we will know soon :)