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Ask Amelia: Lose Weight While Hedging Your Bets
It’s Friday, which means it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about barbecue, diets, and privacy hedges.
Dear Amelia — When my husband and I decide to lose weight together I give up every good morsel, drink gallons of water, work out every day for a month, and lose half a pound. He goes to to the gym every day for a week, cuts soda, and loses five pounds. It’s not fair. How can I stay motivated and also punish my husband for this cosmic injustice? — Overweight and Over It
Dear Over It,
As far as staying motivated, remember that it’s not a competition. You’re doing what you need to do for yourself, and that has nothing to do with what he’s doing. However, it’s also totally a competition, and it’s stupid that he’s winning while putting in a fraction of the work. If you cook most of the meals, you could try sabotage. Lace his meals with hidden carbs, perhaps? Men are terrible. I’m surprised you didn’t know this by now.
Do your best, do it for yourself, and treat yourself every now and again. Don’t let it run your life.
Dear Amelia,
My wife and I are going to be empty nesters in two weeks. Any ideas how to keep the neighbors from filming us as we chase each other around the yard nude?
Free at Last
Dear Free,
There are a couple of options. The first option is erecting a privacy fence or hedge of some kind to keep away the prying eyes. Second, you could wait until dark so that any eyes that manage to pry won’t have much to see. Finally, you could rent a place in the middle of nowhere for a little while so you can run free.
Dear Amelia,
I like to grill meat. Should I be ashamed of partaking in such a masculine pastime?
Manly Man
Dear Manly,
You should not, despite what we’ve been hearing of late. Masculinity should be celebrated by men and women alike. Grill, grill, and grill some more. Embrace it. Grill without shame. The women of the world salute you.
Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment!
Want to submit a question? Tweet #AskAmHam or e-mail askamelia@mail.com.
Dear Amelia,
My husband and I have recently been having trouble in the bedroom. He sits up all night playing online poker on his laptop, and the glare from the screen keeps waking me up. When I suggested that if he likes poker so much, he should marry John Yoo instead, I thought I was being clever; but now that the Supreme Court has ruled on gay marriage, I’m starting to become worried. Should I cancel his Ricochet membership, or maybe just buy some waterboarding equipment so I can keep up with the competition?
Yours,
Penelope
There was a couple in my old neighborhood that were arrested for riding nude on their lawn tractor. Of course alcohol was involved.
No way!
Ah, good old alcohol.
Dear Amelia,
I like to grill meat. Should I be ashamed of partaking in such a masculine pastime?
Manly Man
As Amelia said, grill away. But don’t let your wife see you eating much beef and staying thin. And don’t grill naked. Especially don’t grill naked.
Grilling is high art.