Ten Reasons To Be Happy If Obama Gets A Second Term

1. It’s good news for Ricochet. (The conservative media thrives during left-wing presidencies. Provided, of course, that this president doesn’t find some way of banning it).

2. The price of your gold will soar. (Though remember not to reveal its location to the Feds. Otherwise they may well confiscate it, as happened under FDR).

3. Whoever replaces him after his second terms is going to be really, really good. Not just because the list of candidates is so strong – Paul Ryan, Allen West, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul….. – but because the relief will be so great.

4. America will finally have demonstrated to the world that Obama’s electoral success wasn’t just about race. It was about stupidity too.

5. The GOP will be forced to get its act together. Its best scientific minds will ensure that no freak storms interfere with their next run at the presidency; its strategists will finally work out that they need to get some of those groovy kids like the Obama campaign has – you know, ones that really understand the interweb thingy, and can do cool stuff like send targeted fundraising messages to sympathisers on their iPhones.

6. It will be much easier to empathise with the pain of Greece, Venezuela and the Democratic Republic of Congo – because that’s where your economy is headed.

7. No need for any tedious debates about who was the worst president in US history. After his second term, Obama is going to make Jimmy Carter look like Ronald Reagan.

8. Ricochet will go from strength to strength. Oh, did I already mention that? Gotta think positive. Just keep accentuating the positive. Don’t let the dark thoughts in, just don’t think too hard about the fact that Obama is going to be president for four more years because, well, just don’t.

9 At least all the people on welfare are going to be happy. They’ll probably celebrate by buying a new flat screen TV. And you don’t want to begrudge them their simple, innocent joy, do you? What kind of killjoy Grinch would that make you?

10. Pinch yourself. Hard. Gotta be worth a shot: if you’re really lucky you might discover it has all been just a terrible dream.

  1. Mafuta Kizola

    Why am I suspecting that there is a reason 11 :

    - Sell happy pills to depressed Conservatives and make trillions. Did you happen to buy stocks in any pharmaceutical venture Mr Delingpole ?

    I guess the best that can be done is think about Unicorns at this point, I hope it is the other side that shall  go insane, but anything can happen.

  2. Pablo

    Nothing better than good-old-fashioned English humor to uplift our spirits. I think I am going to go for a stroll in Burnley today. After that even an Obama victory will look fine. Although in four years most of the western world will look like England’s North West…

    here is my contribution:

    Reason 12: yobs and friends bringing down wind mills to scavenge for metals and REE to sell on the black market… (that I am sure you will aprove of Mr Delingpole) … if the US economy will look like Greece’s imagine England’s…

  3. Beach Baby

    Reason #13: Nothing holding you back now from moving to New Zealand or the Caribbeans. 

  4. Leigh

    Nice try.  I’ll look at it again after the results come in (if they’re bad) but I don’t think it will work.

    The only thing to make me happy if Obama gets reelected — which I still think far too likely — is that God is in control over it all. 

  5. mesquito

    I awoke Eeyore-ish.  This doesn’t help.

  6. Front Ranger

    Reason 14: Finally have a reason (and time) to sharpen my farming and bow-hunting skills.  

  7. James Delingpole
    C

    15 If you own a gun store, expect sales to rocket!

  8. James Delingpole
    C

    16. You enjoyed Red Dawn? Now’s your chance to live it for real, only, instead of Soviets it turns out your enemy is your own country’s Justice Department.

  9. RCE

    Pablo – I suggest travelling on to Nelson to soften the impact a little further.

  10. RightinChicago

    17. Becoming a political prisoner will be the new “cool thing to do”. So conservatives will finally be cool.

  11. Redneck Desi

    I thought what was good for Ricochet was good for America!

  12. Pony Convertible

    I agree with all your points except #5.  I have no confidence that the GOP will ever get its act together.

  13. Front Ranger

    Wolverines! I even live in Colorado where the original was shot. Reason 19, then, is an excuse to grow a Swayze mullet.

    James Delingpole: 16. You enjoyed Red Dawn? Now’s your chance to live it for real, only, instead of Soviets it turns out your enemy is your own country’s Justice Department. · 15 minutes ago

  14. Percival

    18. “Subversive chic” is a great way to meet girls.

  15. Joseph Eagar

    Here’s one good point: we can finally give up on the myth that playing 15% of the electorate off of the 35%-40% of your party’s base is somehow good for winning elections or governing afterwards.  If Romney loses to Obama, it will be despite his huge support among Independents.  George Bush won elections without winning Independents, too.

    Those of us more inclined towards the center should concentrate on convincing base voters that our views are correct, not on schemes to exclude them from the democratic process entirely, or hand governance over to a 15% minority who don’t really pay attention to politics to begin with.

  16. MMPadre
    RightinChicago: 17. Becoming a political prisoner will be the new “cool thing to do”. So conservatives will finally be cool. · 12 minutes ago

    It would be good for the Catholic Church, as well:  oppression will become more blatant –reinforcing the contrast with her genuinely counter-cultural and sacred message, so inspiring those who are timid by nature to take a stand, and making the quislings among us less able to hide their hypocrisy and shame.

  17. Mafuta Kizola

    Reason 19 : Making subversive babies for love and electoral supremacy in 2030.

    Percival: 18. “Subversive chic” is a great way to meet girls. · 13 minutes ago

  18. Cal Lawton

    You didn’t list impeachment.

  19. mask

    Liberalism/progressivism will finally be proven to be wrong!  Right?

    Who am I kidding they’ll keep blaming Bush and whatever else.

  20. Edward Smith

    James, you are a Ray of Sunlight.

    There is virtue to putting aside thoughts of what can go wrong, and playing cricket with your children on that vast estate you live on now.

    Cricket-with-Family.jpg