“No Death Star for You!”

I am tremendously disappointed. The White House has announced that the federal government will not build a Death Star.

I certainly want to give props to Paul Shawcross for the informative, humorous and fun-loving way in which he wrote his response — but from a Keynesian standpoint, the arguments he makes are surely inadequate. Shawcross cites the massive price tag associated with building a Death Star, but according to Keynesian principles, we ought to worry much less about the deficit these days, and more about throwing piles of money into job-creating enterprises. Building a Death Star, as I explained in my post discussing the petition, should build oodles of jobs according to Keynesian theory, and Keynesians ought to be outraged that this administration is failing to take the principles spelled out in the General Theory of Employment to the next level. Indeed, I daresay that Keynesians ought to find the administration’s lack of faith in their principles disturbing.

Shawcross appears to be repelled by the idea of building a massive space station that is capable of blowing up planets, but of course, there is no reason why the Death Star should be tasked to blow up planets. Recall Paul Krugman’s comment that we ought to organize our public works plans as though we are supposed to respond to a fake alien invasion. Emphasis on the word “fake.” There can be no bigger, better or more comprehensive response to a fake alien invasion than to build a Death Star and since (one hopes) there are no actual aliens on their way to attack us, there is no need whatsoever to equip the Death Star with the ability to destroy planets.

Shawcross also states that the Obama administration does not want to build a Death Star “with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship.” I applaud this sentiment, but of course, we don’t have to do any such thing. From a design perspective, the Death Star can be improved upon, and blithely assuming otherwise just will not do. Besides, in addition to all of the jobs that can be created by building a Death Star in the first place, we can create even more by employing more scientists and engineers to come up with a design that removes the flaw Shawcross refers to, and which I referred to in my original post regarding this issue.

(I suppose it would be nitpicky for me to reply to Shawcross’s observation that “the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs” by noting—as many, many, many others have—that a parsec is a unit of distance, not a unit of time. I know that George Lucas got this wrong too, but we expect better from the Obama administration. After all, we pay their salaries with our tax money.)

In any event, now that the Administration has come out against the construction of a Death Star, I propose that we get private enterprise involved to construct it. I look forward to the day when we can point with pride to the creation of the Death Star, and then tell the Obama administration that they didn’t build that; someone else made that happen.

Incidentally, I am partial to this Death Star above all others. But then, I am no Keynesian.

  1. Travis Lindsay

    The Chinese are probably already building a Death Star in secret.

  2. Larry3435

    The nice thing about Keynesian economics is that you don’t need the high technology.  Keynes himself suggested putting people to work digging holes and then filling them up again.  Since the left is constantly bemoaning the “wealth inequality” between those who work with their backs and those who work with their minds, our Keynesian projects should not favor people who already have the technological skills to build a death star.  I would suggest, instead, the following green technology, which would create a lot of jobs:

    Obama-s-Clean-Energy-Jobs.jpg

  3. Edward Smith

    They’d probably put the Thermal Exhaust Port in the wrong place anyway.

  4. Larry3435

    By the way, on the subject of digging holes and then filling them up again, I should mention that on the one occasion when Keynesian economics allegedly worked (during WWII), that was exactly what happened.  Of course, the holes had dead people in them when you filled them back up.  But that is the central point of what WWII proved about Keynesianism — if you put everybody in the world to work busily killing each other, it reduces unemployment.  Go figure.

  5. Rachel Lu
    C

    How many petitions would it take to keep the White House busy with coming up with this stuff, so that they don’t have time to do real damage?

  6. Cal Lawton
    Edward Smith: They’d probably put the Thermal Exhaust Port in the wrong place anyway. · 2 hours ago

    Oh no, trust me, these wizards would build it to spec.

  7. Dave Roy

    Shawcross’ response was great, except for the laugh line that they’re very concerned with reducing the deficit, and that building a Death Star would be counter to that.

  8. Pseudodionysius

    For those of you who want some world class entertainment, follow the DeathStarPR Twitter account which has been riffing on this news all week:

    Death Star PR ‏@DeathStarPR Okay, if it would be “too expensive” for America to build a Death Star, can we at least settle for one measly Star Destroyer? Death Star PR ‏@DeathStarPR We’re not saying Obama is wrong but you know who else didn’t want to build a Death Star? THE NAZIS. Death Star PR ‏@DeathStarPR Crazy that the US Govt is wasting money on junk like Health Care and education when they could be building a Death Star instead. Death Star PR ‏@DeathStarPR @NASA Until you put the laser and the space station together and start blowing up planets, you’re not doing enough Science. Death Star PR ‏@DeathStarPR The White House has rejected the petition to build a Death Star. Oh well. Kickstarter, anyone?
  9. Pseudodionysius

    6) If you’ve ever watched a movie, you probably know that the greatest threat facing mankind right now isn’t global warming, it’s ALIENS. AND GIANT METEORS. AND POSSIBLY GIANT ALIENS HIDING IN EVEN GIANTER METEORS. We’re not “Doctor History” or anything, but we’re fairly certain that’s what took out the Dinosaurs. But the Dinosaurs would still be here today, using you all as delicious entrees, if only THEY’D had the vision and opposable thumbs required to build a Death Star to defend their planet. The point being, a movie with Dinosaurs fighting aliens would be AWESOME.

    In conclusion, America, you can’t live in the past forever. The Stars and Stripes are so yesterday. Step into tomorrow. It’s great here. Sure, the air is a little bit toxic but everyone has lightsabers! Approve this petition. Begin building your own Death Star. Embrace the Death Stars and Stripes and the Death Star-Spangled banner. It’s time.

  10. Edward Smith

    If they had built the Death Star, who would have built the X-Wing Fighters for Rob, Peter & James to blow it up with?

    Or are they Y-Wing, A-Wing or B-Wing men?

  11. Indaba

    They should have called it Green-star and said it was powered by the sun. When it comes to government funding, get with the political agenda.

  12. Pseudodionysius

    I head a rumor that the Obama administration would create a new Government Motors OnDeathStar system where you could order a drone strike on that fellow in front of you cutting in line at the salad buffet and filling his plate with unhealthy food choices, unapproved by the First Lady of Agurala de Ville, Michelle Obama.

  13. splatterguard

    It’s all very well, putting all our stimulas money into a death star functional or not, but what is Washington doing about the potetntial for a Zombie Apocalypse.

  14. Randy Weivoda

    So what if it could be blown up by a pilot in a one-man fighter?  Then you can build a second one and create even more jobs! 

  15. Pseudodionysius
    Randy Weivoda: So what if it could be blown up by a pilot in a one-man fighter?  Then you can build a second one and create even more jobs!  · 0 minutes ago

    To say nothing of the speeding tickets when they go through a red light satellite camera planted by Marvin the Martian waiting for the big ka-boom.

  16. Nathaniel Wright

    I am so stealing “Doctor History” as a character in my Superhero RPG and Call of Cthulhu campaigns. 

  17. jhimmi

    Obama will announce he’s building the Death Star,  then he will mint a dozen one trillion dollar coins to kick it off.

    Then he will immediately cancel the Death Star program as wasteful, count the balance as savings, and leave office with a 849 quadrillion budget surplus.

  18. Pseudodionysius

    Obama will announce he’s building the Death Star,  then he will mint a dozen one trillion dollar coins to kick it off.

    Do you think he will force choke Boehner?

  19. Pejman Yousefzadeh
    C

    Now, there is a plan.

    Rachel L.: How many petitions would it take to keep the White House busy with coming up with this stuff, so that they don’t have time to do real damage? · January 13, 2013 at 6:28am

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