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My Tax Dollars at Work: STD Bingo at Central Michigan University

The tawdry practices described in detail in Nathan Harden’s fine book Sex and God at Yale: Porn, Political Correctness, and a Good Education Gone Bad appear to be spreading far and wide.

Last week, The College Fix reported that Allegheny College in Meadville, Pennsylvania had hosted a masturbation tutorial in the college chapel [Note: graphic sexual language ahead]:

Allegheny College’s Ford Memorial Chapel was transformed into a boudoir of sorts Wednesday night, as professional sex educators advised students in attendance how best to touch themselves and their partners to reach orgasm in what was billed as an educational seminar.

The chapel, built and dedicated in 1902, is where Catholic mass and non-denominational services are conducted every week at the private liberal arts college in northwestern Pennsylvania. But all that took a back pew to Wednesday’s festivities, dubbed “I Heart the Female Orgasm” and hosted by a variety of student groups on campus.

The two sex educators, Marshall Miller and Kate Weinberg, talked students through a variety of masturbation techniques during the event.

“Sometimes it can be difficult finding your G spot by yourself, because it involves inserting a finger or fingers inside the vagina into the front wall of the body, and that kind of results in an awkward, kind of clawlike hand position,” Weinberg said, demonstrating with a pawing motion as the audience giggled. “Obviously, there are better ways you can position your body. Or if you’ve got a partner, you can get your partner to insert their finger or fingers inside your vagina in the front wall of your body in a sort of a J curve.”

Miller also weighed in, noting “some (women) find that if they change the angle or position, they can find some way of rubbing against their partner’s body, against the base of his penis or pubic bone, and with rubbing to have enough stimulation to orgasm in intercourse.”

I was, as you can imagine, especially delighted to learn that the college chaplain defended the location of the event, contending that “the program advocates responsible, respectful decision-making regarding sexual behavior”; and I thought it heart-warming that a spokesman for the Allegheny College administration thought that the program conveyed “a great message about caring relationships.” You see, I had always had the impression that masturbation was a solitary exercise. You live, and you learn.

Even better, however, was the fact the sex educators took their appearance in the chapel as an opportunity to interpret the Bible.

“Some people figure out masturbation and orgasm as teenagers, some people figure it out later than that,” said Weinberg, describing her lifelong fascination with pleasuring herself. “And some people figure it out earlier than that. Like preschool age. I was part of that last category.”

Weinberg also weighed in on a portion of the Book of Genesis in regard to masturbation.

“So this primary anti-masturbation story is about this guy, Onan. … And Onan refused to sleep with his brother’s wife, so he spilled his seed on the ground — that’s how it’s defined — and for that, God struck him dead,” she said.

But Weinberg said she believes that because Biblical scholars debate the exact meanings of many portions of the Bible, it permits a wide variety of sexual activity.

“A lot of Bible scholars say that’s the primary anti-masturbation story, but I don’t really see it,” she continued. “Onan wasn’t struck dead for masturbating. He was struck down for not sleeping with his brother’s wife. So the masturbation wasn’t the sin. So obviously, you know, the Bible is something that is interpreted in a lot of different ways.”

The things that you can learn for ca. $50,000 a year at Allegheny College!

But look: if you cannot come up with that much scratch, you could always attend Central Michigan University, where the out-of-state tuition is a measly $34,620 — including room and board.

CondomCasino.pngWhy, tonight, with the help of my tax dollars, CMU is reportedly hosting Condom Casino– “in which students can gamble to win condoms in games such as ’5-Card Foreplay Poker’ and ‘STD Bingo.’”

“Experience what happens when a casino night, speed dating and the topic of sex combine for a provocative night of prizes and awareness,” the official website for the event reads

CMU has outsourced the event to a private company, which apparently puts on the “Condom Casino Tour” across the country. It is not clear if the individuals employed by theorganization possess any special medical credentials to discuss matters of sexual health with students. The organization describes the Condom Casino as a “brand new program arousing college campuses across the country.”

The program also promises to be “highly interactive” and advertises to attendees “it is fun, it is fast paced, it is full of surprises and it is certainly a safe bet to sex awareness on any campus!”

My only disappointment in reading about this event came when I learned that the organizers eschewed talking about morality. You clearly get more for your money at Allegheny College!

  1. Fricosis Guy

    The Sylvan ads for this service will have to be rated NC-17. 

    Anne R. Pierce

    Fricosis Guy: Another in the endless list of subjects with which college students need remedial help these days. · 13 minutes ago

    I assume today’s parents will hire tutors if their sons and daughters don’t perform well. · 9 hours ago

  2. Scott R

    Empty people living empty lives seeking ever more stimulation to compensate. In the end, they won’t be satisfied, orgasm or not.

    You’re eighteen and you want stimulation? Forget the bars, the porn, and the Condom Bingo. Instead ask the sweet, cute girl in your history class out for coffee. Take it slow. Enjoy the butterflies and the anticipation. That beats raunch every time.  

  3. S

    These stories have been around for years and there is simply no outrage at all. I find it odd. If I was a parent of a student at either of these colleges, I would be in the President’s office going ape-crazy. But, in their minds it would only confirm their pre-existing biases about me: closed minded, bible-thumping hick. You can’t win with these people. It is quite simple; you are wrong and they are right. There is no discussion.

  4. Fricosis Guy

    Yikes … just remembered the “helicopter parent” phenomenon.

    Anne R. Pierce

    Fricosis Guy: Another in the endless list of subjects with which college students need remedial help these days. · 13 minutes ago

    I assume today’s parents will hire tutors if their sons and daughters don’t perform well. · 10 hours ago

  5. Barbara Kidder

    Sodom and Gomorrah for $47,000.00. a year!

    Let’s hope the education Allegheny College gives their students equips them for the ‘real’ world, where work comes before play.

  6. DocJay

    I remember my wife’s leg the first time we played footsies Scott. Talk about butterflies. I’m positive that us having met at a mutual masturbation clinic would not have led to the same feeling.

  7. The King Prawn

    If one achieves college age and needs either instruction in masturbation or sexual stimulation he has much greater issues to deal with.

  8. Palaeologus

    STD Bingo doesn’t sound like the type of game one can win.

    Really CMU? These kids aren’t gambling enough on the debt they’re incurring?

  9. Nanda Panjandrum

    “Lower Education”, I presume…

  10. Pseudodionysius

    Its a good thing Allegheny doesn’t have an epidemiology program.

  11. Colin B Lane

    But professor, you’re being short-sighted. Imagine the employment opportunities these important educational moments are creating for today’s students. You just can’t expect to find meaningful work at meaningful wages if you don’t know how to properly masturbate.

  12. iWc

    This whole post violates the CoC. Or ought to.

    Must we do this?

  13. Robert Ham

    My wife graduated from Allegheny. Our daughter’s at Hillsdale. Guess who’s the recipient of our support! Thank God for Hillsdale.

  14. Fricosis Guy

    Another in the endless list of subjects with which college students need remedial help these days.

  15. Scarlet Pimpernel

    From a certain perspective, the location is entirely fitting.  From the perspective of the Left, this is religious instruction, no?

  16. KC Mulville

    From the article:

    While the chapel is hosting services in conjunction with Lent, on Wednesday the building turned into a sexual marketplace of sorts, as student groups sold buttons, t-shirts and hats bearing the program’s name inside the chapel itself after the event concluded. [...] Meanwhile, the sex educators had also told students masturbation is not a sin.

    You know, Lent just isn’t what it used to be.

    Nor, apparently, is the study of theology. We can debate whether masturbation is sinful or not, but the fact that you’re a sex educator doesn’t make you a theologian. 

  17. Scarlet Pimpernel

    P.S. I see the tab for “member feed” up top, and I’m thinking that the folks at Allegheny might misunderstand.

  18. Anne R. Pierce
    C
    Fricosis Guy: Another in the endless list of subjects with which college students need remedial help these days. · 13 minutes ago

    I assume today’s parents will hire tutors if their sons and daughters don’t perform well.

  19. Fake John Galt

    I do not know how much money these guys get from the various local, state and federal governments but if they receive any money at all can we start any sequesters or spending cuts by get rid of THIS type of stuff? 

  20. Pseudodionysius
    iWc: This whole post violates the CoC. Or ought to.

    Must we do this? · 52 minutes ago

    At least it wasn’t STD Poker.