My Mayoral Platform

As you may have heard on last week’s Ricochet podcast from the National Review cruise, there’s a campaign afoot to draft me into running for mayor of Oakland. As I said at the time, if nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve. If I receive campaign funds, I promise 100 percent embezzlement.

Despite those pledges, Troy has still asked me to present my platform for your consideration. It needs only three planks:

1. Triple the size of the police force, including a mayor who is required to pack his own heat.

2. Tuition vouchers for all schoolchildren in Oakland, and setting all public schools free to compete for them or close.

3. Cutting property and business taxes by 50 percent and requiring all paperwork for new businesses to be reduced to a one-page form. All other programs will be cut in line with tax revenues until the city’s budget is stabilized and crime is reduced.

  1. SunnyOptimism

    You got my vote for 2016 GOP Presidential nominee!!!

  2. PJ

    I’ve got the tag line for your TV ads:  “A vote for me is a vote for Yoo.”

  3. SunnyOptimism

    But I forgot to add this – only if you appear in all debates Gangnam-Style!!

  4. KC Mulville

    So where does it say that you can only be the mayor of one place at a time? I’m open to a little time-sharing with Baltimore and Oakland.

  5. Jon Vin

    Would you appoint Prof. Epstein to head the municipal courts? I think he would take the job. Oakland can’t be worse than Chicago…

  6. Paul Stinchfield
    Jon Vin: Would you appoint Prof. Epstein to head the municipal courts? I think he would take the job. Oakland can’t be worse than Chicago… · 1 minute ago

    Will he have time for both that and Water Commissioner?

  7. Blue Yeti
    C

    Mayor Yoo, does your platform include hitting on a soft 17 when the dealer has a face card showing? Because I saw you do that several times last week. 

  8. Austin Murrey

    John, have you considered running for mayor of Dallas instead?

  9. Bereket Kelile
    PJ: I’ve got the tag line for your TV ads:  “A vote for me is a vote for Yoo.” · 23 minutes ago

    You stole my thunder! When I was listening to the podcast I was thinking about how to incorporate this theme into the campaign. Maybe Yoo can say that he’ll fight crime Opi Gangnam Style. Maybe he can get some girls in outfits as back up dancers: Yoo’s Gangnam Girls or Yoo’s Sexy Ladies. Just sayin’.

  10. Arahant
    PJ: I’ve got the tag line for your TV ads:  “A vote for me is a vote for Yoo.” · 29 minutes ago

    That would work!

  11. Diaryof1

    And along with your second plank, I’d want those tuition vouchers to be able to follow a child anywhere, even (and especially) to faith-based schools and to homeschools, and for a percentage of the tuition voucher to be allowed for extracurricular activities at the parents’ discretion, like music lessons, sports clubs, etc. 

    And I would also add that the California Department of Education should extremely simplify the process to open a charter school, which currently takes at least two years of very hard work and research to even get a charter off the ground. It’s absurd. 

  12. Keith Preston
    Diaryof1:And I would also add that the California Department of Education should extremely simplify the process to open a charter school, which currently takes at least two years of very hard work and research to even get a charter off the ground. It’s absurd.  · 0 minutes ago

    …and intentional.  Who wants a successful alternative?  Not the CA school systems…

  13. ConservativeWanderer
    Keith Preston

    Diaryof1:And I would also add that the California Department of Education should extremely simplify the process to open a charter school, which currently takes at least two years of very hard work and research to even get a charter off the ground. It’s absurd.  · 0 minutes ago

    …and intentional.  Who wants a successful alternative?  Not the CA school systems… · 3 minutes ago

    I often say I was educated in spite of, not because of, the California education system.

    If I had to assign the credit for what I laughingly call my intellect, it would go to (in no particular order), my family’s set of encyclopedias, my local library branch, and an insatiable love of reading.

  14. Pseudodionysius

    You should also mandate a mandatory gun ownership ordinance like they do in Switzerland. 

  15. Joan of Ark La Tex

    John, I hope you run, it would be very interesting to see how the Asian voters would cast their vote. As of right now, I am completely confused by how Asians vote in this country. 

  16. Stuart Creque

    I work in downtown Oakland but I don’t live in Oakland. Thus I can’t vote for you but I see firsthand how much the city needs you.

  17. Last Outpost on the Right

    I propose an amendment to item #2 to reduce city taxes for any family that homeschools their children. Of course they would not be eligible for the vouchers, but they wouldn’t need them.

  18. SunnyOptimism
    Rob Long: Where do I send my maximum legal donation?And seriously, John: think about it. All conservatives should focus on winning the cities. That’s where the votes are, for one thing. That’s where they need us the most, for another. And, finally, that’s where recent Asian and Hispanic immigrants are living and building families and businesses. · 1 hour ago

    Absolutely SPOT ON!

    I’ve written this in a number of posts around the interwebs that the lack of attention paid to cities by the GOP is appalling.  I lived in NYC for over 10 years and, while I realize that the NY GOP is a dead vine, there was absolutely no one talking about running candidates in the cities.  They were happy to  sit in their upstate enclaves habitually running “conservative party” candidates but never once even tried to reach into the cities….

  19. Kay Ludlow

    With a tag line like this, how could Yoo not run?!

    PJ: I’ve got the tag line for your TV ads:  “A vote for me is a vote for Yoo.” · 3 hours ago