Mixed Marriage Advice

I’m getting married in 16 days. I love my fiancee with all my heart, and I have no doubt in my mind that I’m marrying the right person for me and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I just don’t know what to do about Election Night.

You see, my fiancee is a liberal. Not just a liberal, but a War-on-Women spouting, Romney-is-evil believing liberal. She’s not terribly vocal about it, and it’s only led to a couple of real fights in three years of dating. We mainly retreat to our …

  1. Mollie Hemingway
    C

    First off, congrats!

    Second, this is why engagement is such an important part of the marriage journey — it teaches you how to handle the big issues that will come up in marriage.

    Now, if it weren’t happening days before your wedding, I’d say you must watch together and learn to be respectful and all that.

    But when you’re getting to the point of hours before your wedding, people are stressed out. Can’t you just work on something wedding related instead? Or go out to the bar with a buddy and stay separated?

    This is your lifelong partner! Do you really want sore feelings heading into that big day?

  2. Fred Cole

    If you win, don’t say anything about it, don’t gloat, don’t celebrate, don’t mention it to her.

    Relationships are about compromise.  Watch MSNBC, but have a laptop or a tablet or something so you can read from places you want to read from.

    Like you don’t have to agree, just be respectful.

  3. Fred Cole

    Well put, Mollie.

  4. Albert Arthur

    This is a difficult situation, for sure. My wife and I used to both be liberals, and now we’re both conservatives. We made the transition together, but at different levels and different speeds. One thing we did was talk about it, constantly.

    If you can talk about politics with your fiancee, one of two things will happen: she’ll eventually become conservative, or she’ll hold true to her beliefs.

  5. Majestyk

    EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!

    Ahem.  In all seriousness, just avoid it, at least to save your first “Fight of the Week” until after you’re married.

  6. Mama Toad

    My “mixed marriage” is disparity of faith. Much much easier to deal with than disparity of politics.

    I have no advice for you except look to Carville/Matalin — Papa Toad and I are amazed by their longevity. 

    On Election Night, you might allow her to select the TV channel while you watch on a computer with headphones?

  7. Albert Arthur

    I’ve also read that Richard Brookhiser’s wife is a liberal.

  8. flownover

    I’d watch her like a hawk in case she and her friends try to steal the election . Then marry her and begin the slow road to conversion.

  9. schwastl
    Mollie Hemingway, Ed.: First off, congrats!

    Second, this is why engagement is such an important part of the marriage journey — it teaches you how to handle the big issues that will come up in marriage.

    Now, if it weren’t happening days before your wedding, I’d say you must watch together and learn to be respectful and all that.

    But when you’re getting to the point of hours before your wedding, people are stressed out. Can’t you just work on something wedding related instead? Or go out to the bar with a buddy and stay separated?

    This is your lifelong partner! Do you really want sore feelings heading into that big day? · 21 minutes ago

    Thanks Mollie!

    That was pretty much my thought, and the reason why we waited until AFTER the election for the big day. But I think that’s the right approach: down the road, dialogue and communication about the big issues; for now, tacit acceptance that the other partner is WRONG. Heh.

  10. schwastl
    Mama Toad: My “mixed marriage” is disparity of faith. Much much easier to deal with than disparity of politics.

    I have no advice for you except look to Carville/Matalin — Papa Toad and I are amazed by their longevity. 

    On Election Night, you might allow her to select the TV channel while you watch on a computer with headphones? · 17 minutes ago

    Mama Toad, isn’t liberalism a politic of faith? Faith that what has never worked, somehow will?

    In all seriousness, Matalin/Carville is pretty much my evidence that this sort of relationship can work. And if they split up, I’m doomed! Just kidding.

  11. Duane Oyen
    Albert Arthur: I’ve also read that Richard Brookhiser’s wife is a liberal. · 18 minutes ago

    So are Stephen Moore’s, and Mike Murphy’s.  Go to the movies on election night, then  take her home early.

  12. Mama Toad
    schwastl

    Mama Toad: My “mixed marriage” is disparity of faith. Much much easier to deal with than disparity of politics.

    I have no advice for you except look to Carville/Matalin — Papa Toad and I are amazed by their longevity. 

    On Election Night, you might allow her to select the TV channel while you watch on a computer with headphones? · 17 minutes ago

    Mama Toad, isn’t liberalism a politic of faith? Faith that what has never worked, somehow will?

    schwastl — Those kinds of comments are welcome, here among friends, but a wise man will avoid such kinds of truths at home…

  13. Joan of Ark La Tex

    It’s best you be patient with her. I would suggest you watch it in a study room on the computer. There should be a website that keeps you updated. If that is not possible,this might be a good opportunity to help her put together a “all girls night out”. O perhaps go to the gym together, have a turkey dinner and lots of wine to help her sleep early? Personally, I prefer my spouse be honest with me and work through the problem together. You can tell her ” I love you (fill in affectionate terms) and I don’t want to have a bad evening together, but I can see this happening on election night…..” A life together can only last with honesty and respect. I am sure she will understand. 

  14. Frozen Chosen

    Good luck with that, brother!

  15. Albert Arthur

    Bring it up with her, say “let’s decide together how to have a pleasant evening on election night.” 

  16. Arahant

    No matter if you watch the election results or not, the same outcome will be there in Wednesday’s paper.  Spend time with her.  Leave the television off.  Just vote and forget about it.  It will save you all the emotional ups and downs.

  17. Boymoose

    You are marrying the wrong girl.  Sorry but thats the deal.  Don’t buy into HOPE and CHANGE.  As in “I hope she changes.”  As we type she is on the liberal equal to Ricochet asking the same question.  Her libs freinds are telling her she can change you.

    Just get a better start.  This election will come and go.  Getting married to the wrong person will last for what seems like forever.

     

  18. schwastl
    Mama Toad

    schwastl

     

    Mama Toad, isn’t liberalism a politic of faith? Faith that what has never worked, somehow will?

    schwastl — Those kinds of comments are welcome, here among friends, but a wise man will avoid such kinds of truths at home… · 27 minutes ago

    Believe me, after I was upbraided for not condemning Michelle Bachmann to her satisfaction, I learned how to be gentle with my opinions.

  19. Joan of Ark La Tex
    Boymoose: You are marrying the wrong girl.  Sorry but thats the deal.  Don’t buy into HOPE and CHANGE.  As in “I hope she changes.”  As we type she is on the liberal equal to Ricochet asking the same question.  Her libs freinds are telling her she can change you.

    Just get a better start.  This election will come and go.  Getting married to the wrong person will last for what seems like forever.

      · 21 minutes ago

    Boymoose, that is too harsh. I agree you cannot marry with the hope to change someone, but life is more than politics. 

  20. Glenn the Iconoclast
    schwastl: I’m getting married in sixteen days.

    You see, my fiancee is a liberal. Not just a liberal, but a War-on-Women spouting, Romney-is-evil believing liberal.

    I’m too invested on this election to just watch a movie while the returns are coming in. And if we did watch the returns, I’m sure she wouldn’t allow us to watch Fox, which means I will miss my Michael Barone fix.

    Assuming these are the salient points, either thee or she is going to have to spend the evening out.  Since Romney is going to shellac Obama early, the question is, how crushed will she be?  Will complete neutrality on your part be interpreted as gloating condescension?  Or will she accept, “Some of my guys won, some of them lost; the Republic still stands.”?

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