“Dear Mr. Delingpole,You need to learn a thing or two about Global Warming. Everyday living is destructive to the Environment. Our company sells Carbon Credits which are the only hope of saving the planet….”
I get a lot of emails like this – though normally they’re expressed rather less politely than the one above. But something in the email’s tone told me I had to go and look at the website. It’s run by someone apparently called Daphne Tremayne, who lists her credentials thus:
Daphne Tremayne is a graduate of Peconic Community College and holds an associates degree in marketing. She is an avid yoga practitioner and assistant instructor at the Gaia Yoga and Women’s Holistic Wellness Center in Stirling Harbor.
Eagerly I read her section on Little Things We Can Do To Reduce Our Carbon Footprint.
- Stop Having Children
I know! I know! Children are as cute as all get-out, but have you ever really considered how much carbon one child puts into the atmosphere? Over a single lifetime, the amount is practically immeasurable. One of the best all-around things for the environment would be fewer people in the world. Until governments wake up and start passing “one child per-family” laws, the best way you can help reduce the collective Carbon Footprint is through voluntary sterilization. Most insurance policies cover the cost of tubal ligations as well as vasectomies, and for the poor, many clinics will do these procedures for free. And let’s face it–there are just too many poor people in the world!
But here’s my favorite bit:
- Euthanize Your Old Pet
Pets have become a common feature in most homes and are an attribute of the modern, Western lifestyle. We all love our dogs and cats, but really, when you think about it, pets are a major producer of excess carbon. One of the best ways to reasonably enjoy your pet and reduce your overall Carbon Footprint is to determine in advance how long your pet should live. As a family, set a date when your pet will be euthanized. One great way to teach children the value of pet euthanasia is to turn the occasion into a family celebration. Let’s say you’ve set March 10, five years from now, as your pet’s euthanasia date. For the next five years, celebrate March 10 as your pet’s special day, with a family party and perhaps a visit to your pet’s future burial spot. Teach your children to think of the occasion as a birthday in reverse. A predetermined euthanasia date will encourage your family to love and care for your furry friend while it’s still young and playful. What’s more, pre-planing for pet termination not only works towards reducing your family’s Carbon Footprint, but guarantees long term reduction in veterinary expenses.
Here’s the worrying thing: there are a whole heap of greenies out there who think everything on this outrageous spoof website is no more than plain commonsense.