Gettysburg Address Highlights: NBC News Edition

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, dedicated to a great civil war.

The world will little note what they did here. It is rather for us to perish from the earth.

  1. She

    As with all good parodies, it’s a bit to close too the truth.  

    To quote Michelle Obama, “we’re gonna have to change our traditions, our history . . .” (don’t bother looking on NBC for that, because it’s an actual transcription of what she said).

    Can’t wait for Churchill’s “we shall surrender” speech. 

  2. The King Prawn

    You, sir, are a genius.

  3. K T Cat

    Hilarious!

  4. Misthiocracy

    Clever.

  5. KC Mulville

    I have a brilliant and powerful response, but they edited out all the good parts …

  6. Susan in Seattle

    Most excellent!

  7. Leslie Watkins

    As witty as it is, there’s more truth than poetry in what you say.

  8. Pseudodionysius

    I’d like to propose that someone collect these Sajakian Aphorisms, bind them in a gift edition Broadside, and then translate them into Classical Latin along with Ecclesiastical Latin so they can be chanted in the re-education camps we get herded into.

  9. DocJay

    Now is the time for all good men to seize…?Sajakian.

  10. tabula rasa

    I suggest a peddle-to-the-metal lobbying  effort to convince The Today Show to book Pat for a dramatic reading of Lincoln’s lightly edited speech.

  11. Sisyphus

    Firesign Theater did a great Vietnam era send up of FDR’s December 8th, 1941 address to the nation, with all the same rah rah build up, but rather than declaring war at the climax, he announces America’s unconditional surrender. 

    I guess NBC is now acknowledged as the latest successor to the Reader’s Digest condensed versions of great books. Slashing Huck Finn and Ann of Green Gables for a feeble American audience.

  12. Yeah...ok.

    Oh come on. NBC knows how we enjoy Wheel of Fortune. They just gave us a partial quote and the winner fills in the correct blanks.

    Is there a KKK in the puzzle?

  13. Peter Robinson
    C

    Was that NBC’s version after the first or the second sound enhancement?

    Happy Easter, Pat.  There’s no one like you.

  14. tabula rasa

    Here’s NBC’s version of the first clause of the First Amendment:

    “Congress shall make . . . law respecting religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

    Removing the word “not” can really change things.

  15. Barfly

    Heh heh. “… It is for Rather to perish … ”

  16. Mark Wilson

    “Welcome to Uncommon Robinson.”

  17. Crabtree

    They would also have to inject a racial component since Lincoln was a Republican president and therefor, by definition, hated blacks. 

    “Said Mr. Lincoln, speaking to an all-white audience.”