Does The Tooth Fairy Pay Out For Swallowed Teeth?

Here at the Hemingways, we had an incredibly low-key New Year’s Eve. I’m sick as a dog and couldn’t do much more than watch episodes of Luther and Foyle’s War. So even with my illness, I’m probably doing better than many of my neighbors, who were either setting off fireworks or shooting each other into the wee hours.

The children’s New Year is off to a rough start. After playing together delightfully during Christmas break, I was awakened to the more normal sibling fighting. For the 3-year-old…

  1. splatterguard

    Just recover the tooth through the normal process and don’t tell the tooth fairy.

  2. PJS

    The tooth-swallower should write a polite note to the tooth fairy explaining what happened.  The tooth fairy is an understanding sort.  I speak from experience.

    The bill is a compromise, but it does not address the fiscal cliff.

  3. Percival

    I woke up with a headache and a question.  The headache is due to questionable decisions made last night and will pass (more coffee, now!), but at least there are no screaming 3-year-olds in earshot.

    The question is for Speaker Boehner: why are positions of leadership sought by people without the aptitude or inclination to lead?

  4. Seawriter

    Agree with PJS.  At least it worked that way once in my household.  (Three boys.  Don’t ask.)

  5. Mollie Hemingway
    C

    I asked for advice on Twitter:

    If you swallow your tooth, does the tooth fairy still pay out? Asking for a five-year-old.

    The responses are cracking me up:

    @DeaconSchroeder: yes, but she pays it out of the back end; that’s finance terminology, ;-)

    @JonahNRO: Yes. But she has to put the silver dollar in a terrible place.

    @irish_idealist: ha, well I swallowed my 1st and got paid a discount rate.

    @RevJack56: Yes, because we believe in grace

    @ogremum: yes, but don’t wait for it’s reappearance

    @bradagreenberg: There is a 24-hour clearance delay.

    @LutheranMac: yes. I got double I believe.

    Double! Ridiculous. This person is clearly in cahoots with my daughter.

    For what it’s worth, I told her there would be a delay in funds, but that I had a feeling Madge (our Tooth Fairy) would be paying her out shortly.

  6. Valiuth

    I think it is implicit in the tooth fairy contract that to get the cash you need to supply a tooth. She does not take IOUs. Limits should be set.

  7. Frank Monaldo

    Dear Mollie,

    I am sympathetic to you being under the weather.  I have cold and feel lethargic. As to your question about the tooth fairy, my youngest is 25 and I am past such considerations. Unfortunately, yesterday, she borrowed my new car and scraped the side of it. No one was hurt, probably not even her fault, but she was crying like a little one over the phone when she had to report the accident to me.  I suppressed my frustration and told her that it was only a car and I was happy no one was hurt.  Maybe I am just a chump for a crying daughter.  However, I did tell her that she did incur an obligation: to be as forgiving to any future children of hers caught in similar circumstances.  The obligation is not paid to me, but the future. I also guess I have partially dispensed of obligations to my parents.

    Frank

  8. Pencilvania

    Perhaps your daughter could apply to FEMA’s Tooth RecoveryCenter. She’d just have to register, go thru ID check, present photos and a claims adjustor’s documentation of the dental loss in an interview, then on to the Mitigation Desk, to SBA to see if she’s eligible, and back to the grant program if she’s not. I’m sure they’d approve the claim!  Though I hope they wouldn’t relocate the Recovery Center if bad weather is approaching.

  9. Fricosis Guy

    We ask for redemption for sins both seen and unseen…we redeem for teeth in the same way. Makes a great catechism intro!

  10. Donald Todd

    Re the swallowed tooth.  Yes, with a proviso:  As long as it is cleaned up before it is put under the pillow.

  11. Israel P.
    Mollie Hemingway, Ed.: I asked for advice on Twitter:

    If you swallow your tooth, does the tooth fairy still pay out? Asking for a five-year-old.

    We had an incident once – I forget exactly why – where we telephoned the tooth fairy in the presence of the child and discussed whatever problem it was. Child was very impressed we knew the number.

  12. Mama Toad

    Our eldest was eating corn on the cob merrily when he lost his first tooth. It was not recovered, but the Tooth Fairy (aka Papa Toad) informed him via a note that the tooth was correctly located and redeemed for the $1 golden coindollar-coin.png per tooth left under the pillow.

  13. EJHill

    Dear Miss Hemingway,

    It has come to the attention to the Under Secretary of Enamel that you have lost a tooth and then lost the tooth. To be paid accordingly you must fill out the appropriate forms and submit to a proper inspection of the area where the tooth was lost, outline procedures to recover the tooth and pay the necessary EPA costs for the proper disposal of any waste material involved in recovery of said tooth.

    In carrying out his functions under the Act, the Administrator, through his inspectors, is authorized in accordance with sections 510 and 1015 of the Act (21 U.S.C. 880 and 965) to enter controlled premises and conduct administrative inspections thereof, for the purpose of:

    (a) Inspecting and verifying the bedroom cleanliness required under the Act and regulations promulgated under the Act, including, but not limited to, inventory and other records required to be kept pursuant to part 1304 of this chapter, order form records required to be kept pursuant to part 1305 of this chapter plus tooth shipping records.

    Or beg Mommy for a dollar and call the whole thing off.

    Regards,

    B.I. Cuspid

    FBI* Toothfairy.org

    *Federal Bureau of Incisors

  14. Mollie Hemingway
    C
    EJHill: Dear Miss Hemingway,

    It has come to the attention to the Under Secretary of Enamel that you have lost a tooth and then lostthe tooth. To be paid accordingly you must fill out the appropriate forms and submit to a proper inspection of the area where the tooth was lost, outline procedures to recover the tooth and pay the necessary EPA costs for the proper disposal of any waste material involved in recovery of said tooth.

    In carrying out his functions under the Act, the Administrator, through his inspectors, is authorized in accordance with sections 510 and 1015 of the Act (21 U.S.C. 880 and 965) to enter controlled premises and conduct administrative inspections thereof, for the purpose of:

    (a) Inspecting and verifying the bedroom cleanliness required under the Act and regulations promulgated under the Act, including, but not limited to, inventory and other records required to be kept pursuant to part 1304 of this chapter, order form records required to be kept pursuant to part 1305 of this chapter plus tooth shipping records.

    Or beg Mommy for a dollar and call the whole thing off.

    We had a public reading of this and loved it.

  15. Miffed White Male
    Valiuth: I think it is implicit in the tooth fairy contract that to get the cash you need to supply a tooth. She does not take IOUs. Limits should be set. · 1 hour ago

    Yeah, but then you’ll have a five-year-old insisting you help with the retrieval process.  Who really gets punished if you implement that policy?

    Mollie, in the unfortunate event that you need to perform said retrieval, I leave you some advice that Dave Barry gave several years ago for a “stool search” – use a freezer.

     

  16. Eeyore

    Due to the frequency of this particular problem, I was led to believe that Madge had begun carrying her own Fairy-Ray powered SleepLook machine, being ordered to do under the Paperwork Reduction Act, shortening the procedure outlined by B.I. Cuspid above. (Or maybe it’s now she has to do both.) 

  17. Nick Stuart
    Mollie Hemingway, Ed.:

    I liked what Jim Antle said about it:

    We have reached the point where temporarily averting self-inflicted disasters at the last second is a political success.

    Perfect fit for a discussion of the Tooth Fairy.

  18. Nanda Panjandrum

    Feel better, Mollie!  (Also, wanted to say that I enjoyed your most recent piece in the WSJ.)  And all the best to Miss Hemingway – having had that happen myself – the TF was most understanding. 

  19. Grendel

    25 years ago, my oldest dropped her tooth and it rolled under the molding.   I suggested that she leave a note under her pillow, explaining things to the tooth fairy.  She did so, and then I–er–the tooth fairy somehow missed leaving the traditional lagniappe. 

    The next morning E found the note still under her pillow.  Giving signs of the calm, rational, beautiful young lady she would become, she sighed a little and said “I guess the tooth fairy doesn’t take notes”.   I suggested she try again.

    Despite the risk of permanently distorting the market, she found a whole lot bigger than usual exchange amount the second morning.

  20. Christopher Esget

    I asked her this morning after Matins and she said she hadn’t gotten paid. Poor dear.

    Mollie Hemingway, Ed.: For what it’s worth, I told her there would be a delay in funds, but that I had a feeling Madge (our Tooth Fairy) would be paying her out shortly. · January 1, 2013 at 7:05am

Want to comment on stories like these? Become a member today!

You'll have access to:

  • All Ricochet articles, posts and podcasts.
  • The conversation amongst our members.
  • The opportunity share your Ricochet experiences.

Join Today!

Already a Member? Sign In