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Coming Next Fall: The DMV Quarter-Zip Fleece

Words fail:

The U.S. Postal Service is taking unprecedented steps to make itself relevant and profitable these days.

The cash-strapped agency announced plans on Tuesday to launch a new line of all-weather apparel and accessories sometime next year.

… The Postal Service chose “Rain Heat & Snow” as its own brand name, alluding to its unofficial motto: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

Only men’s apparel and accessories will be available initially, but the agency plans to add a women’s line in the future, it said Tuesday.

… “This agreement will put the Postal Service on the cutting edge of functional fashion,” agency licensing manager Steven Mills said in a statement. “The main focus will be to produce Rain Heat & Snow apparel and accessories using technology to create ‘smart apparel’ — also known as wearable electronics.”

[Postal Service spokesman Roy] Betts said the Postal Service plans to sell its apparel and accessories in premium department stores and specialty stores, but not at post offices. He said the agency plans to make the products available in 2014.

The Postal Service decided to launch a clothing line as a way to promote and strengthen its brand, as well as to generate money, according to Betts.

The licensing agreement allows the Postal Service to collect royalty fees for its new product line without investing money to produce the gear, Betts said.

Prediction #1: There will be sales. They will all, however, be ironic.

Prediction #2: If you order “Rain Heat & Snow” gear online, it will come via UPS or FedEx.

Prediction #3: When the history of the USPS’s insolvency is written, this will merit about a sentence in the paragraph on the desperate flailing that took place as the agency continued to deny reality.

  1. Ron Selander

    Now, if maybe they would sell guns…..

  2. Jim Chase

    Soon we will all be as fashionable as Cliff Clavin.

  3. Frozen Chosen

    Buyers of the clothing will describe becoming strangely belligerent when donning the togs…

  4. Valiuth

    When I think of all weather outdoor’s fashion I instantly think of my mail-woman wearing the same drab blue on blue combo that all postal workers have had since dinosaurs walked the earth. Way to go Post Office! 

  5. eglentyne

    So that leaves “Gloom of Night” for the women’s line?  Excellent…..

  6. Israel P.

    Should have called it “Appointed Rounds.”

  7. Paul Erickson

     “The main focus will be to produce Rain Heat & Snow apparel and accessories using technology to create ‘smart apparel’ — also known as wearable electronics.”

    Ah, the irony of buying something from the postal service that will enable me to access e-mail wherever I go.

  8. Duane Oyen

    Is it the agency in denial, or Congress as prompted by the SEIU (NALC, et al)?

    I remember when Carter was in office, and they tried to get a cut of every fax sent , as a means of preserving revenues in place of all those stamps not sold because of advanced electronic communications.

  9. Fake John Galt

    Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line.

  10. Adriana Harris

    “The Postal Service decided to launch a clothing line as a way to promote and strengthen its brand, as well as to generate money, according to Betts.”

    I f they want to strengthen their brand perhaps they could stop breaking my DVDs from Netflix, or workout so they have enough energy to push the flag down when they pick up my mail. Here’s a thought, they could stop delivering my mail to my neighbors and my neighbor’s mail to me. 

    This idea is so pathetic that if it weren’t the federal government I would think it was a hoax.

  11. Nick Stuart

    Tchokches is the perennial “go-to” when the main line of the business is failing and management has to think of something to come up with some revenue: keychains, hats, pens, letter openers, windbreakers, &tc.

    Betcha they won’t bring back the “pony express” logo that got canned a couple decades ago which at least had a historical cachet to it.

  12. Albert Arthur

    Yeah, about that motto. I live in Brooklyn. There was totally no mail for like 5 days after hurricane Sandy.

  13. Paul Wilson

    Maybe Amtrak will follow suit. I’ve had my eye on those nifty conductor’s uniforms.

  14. Bob Laing

    Should compliment my TSA underwear nicely.

  15. Proud Skeptic

    I understand they are bringing back Clifford Klavan as their new supermodel spokesman

  16. Duane Oyen
    Fake John Galt: Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line. · 2 hours ago

    Oh, good grief.  The same place where the Mint got the ability to sell money souvenirs at their tours in Washington, the Grand Canyon was authorized to have a gift shop, and the USPS was enabled to sell commemorative stamps to philatelists.  But to even see if any Constitutional issue exists at all, you need to pore over the law that spun USPS off as a corporation, which makes it not subject to enumerated plowers at all.

    Why do libertarians always belabor this kind of thing?

  17. Robert Promm
    Fake John Galt: Funny, I missed the provision in the constitution that authorized congress to start up a clothes line. · 3 hours ago

    To wash clothes and hang them to dry on a clothes line?

  18. theotherbriansmith
    Proud Denier: I understand they are bringing back Clifford Klavan as their new supermodel spokesman · 1 hour ago

    I was thinking of Kevin Costner as the spokesmodel for the shabby chic line of postal apparel.   The-Postman-movie-01.jpg
  19. flownover
    Bob Laing: Should compliment my TSA underwear nicely. · 3 hours ago

    The quick grope briefs are going to be available in cotton, silk , and spandex !

  20. Jeff Petraska

    And this is the same US postal service that has lost two of my mail-order packages in the last three months?  The same one that returned a Christmas card to my ex-coworker stamped “No such address” when it was addressed perfectly correctly?  The same post office that took almost a month to deliver a card to my brother-in-law who lives in the next town over from me?

    I hope their new line of clothing is shipped from China by US Mail.  They’ll never be seen again.