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A Double Shot Please

“Ah found wike a muff mouf,” I said.  “What was that?” asked the dentist.  I repeated slowly, “I found,… wike-a,… MUFF MOUF!”  I was trying desperately to say that I sounded like a mush mouth, but after just one shot it wasn’t working out all that well.   You see, sometime back, a filling came out.  But since it wasn’t bothering me, I didn’t bother it.  I thought we had an agreement.  But the tooth must be a Democrat because the agreement turned into an infection a few weeks ago, with the pain spreading down my neck and up to my ear.  So, after picking up the shiny new truck, my dispatcher was kind enough to get me back to the home country to see the family dentist.  

My mom recommended him.  Said he was very kind, quite gentle, and very reasonable financially.  She was right, of course.  And he has a great sense of humor too.  After the next shot, I mumbled, “I fee wike dwoowing idiot.”  “I’ve dealt with a few of those,” the dentist laughed.  “Dey vote too,” I answered.  

Then, with my mouth so numb that I thought the left side of my face might slide off, the dentist asked, “So tell me about the website you write for?”  My eyes cut toward him as if to ask if he was kidding.  I think they do get sadistic pleasure from this,… but why not play along?  

“Wicoshay,” I answered.  

“Wico-what?”  

“Wick-o-shay, wike a gun shot.”

“Oh, Ricochet!” 

“Uh huh, dat’s wha ah said!”

“And it’s a….”

“Consubatib site,…. by Petuh Wobinson and Wob Wong.  Wobinson wote da Buwin speech for Weagun.  You know, … ‘Mistuh Gobutoff teau down dis wau,’ …ya know, dat guy?”

“Oh, him!”

“Uh huh.  And Wob Wong, he’s Howweewood guy, pwodoos Cheeaus, Suwiban and Son, dose shows.”  

“Oh!”  

“And it’s sibil site.  Vewy fwiendwy, because peeepuh pay to wite and convuss wif each odduh.  Dey got academacs, wawyuhs, pwofessuhs, powiticians, gobnuhs, Pat Sayak, Rooput Mudock, Wichud Ebsteen, and a twucka too.”  

Then, the dentist surmised it was time for more shots.  They no longer use those big horse syringes, opting instead for a little ink pen looking contraption that has a small tube extending from the top to a little box that dispenses the numbing medication.  Much less painful than I remember.  

“Here’s some Listerine to rinse with and get rid of that bad aftertaste.”  

“Ya dot Dack Daniels?”  

“Just Listerine.”  

The delightful lady assistant allowed as how she wanted to offer liquor flavored cotton swabs, but the dentist wouldn’t allow it.  

“You Pwude,” I said to the dentist.  After the laughter died down, he said it was time to remove the tooth.   

Then he took what appeared to be a little scoop, and commenced to digging around the base of the thing.  There was no pain, though I did startle a bit when it popped and cracked.  But within less than a minute, he reached for the pliers and easily lifted it out.  Mission accomplished.  

Next came the Vicodin and antibiotics, which did to my motor skills what the shots had done to my speech.  My dear Mom searched dutifully for some soft food for me at the store, while I wafted over to the toy section and located a self-infalting whoopee cushion.  I wasn’t very steady on my feet, but I was effective with that cushion so that every time a particular lady took a step,…well, never mind.  Then a couple of birds flew into the store and I was captivated like a bug-eyed moonie on mushrooms.  It’s funny how I can sip bourbon all night and stay just as composed as plaster of paris, but give me a baby aspirin and it’s lights out sweet prince.  

Then, a lady called my name.  It turned out to be someone that knew me many years ago. I tried to straighten up long enough to complete a sentence without sounding like a complete dolt, but I doubt I pulled it off.  It’s nice seeing people after a few decades, but a bit disconcerting when they see you strung out and talking like Elmer Fudd on pain killers.  

Today, things are healing nicely and I’m able to dial back the pain meds a bit, which allows me to stay upright long enough to write this sober-minded account.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go wie down a wittle while.  

  1. Pejman Yousefzadeh
    C

    It’s a good thing you didn’t try to pronounce my name when discussing the Ricochet contributors.

  2. Andrea Ryan

    Ouch!  I feel like I just spent the last 7 minutes having my teeth worked on.  :-)  Heal quickly!!

  3. Southern Pessimist

    The last time I had a cavity filled, which is not as major as pulling a tooth, the dentist asked if I would like to have him use his ultrasonic laser pulse instead of Novocain. I was very skeptical but he zapped by jaw with this painless sound machine and I didn’t feel a thing when he started drilling. And I didn’t have any facial numbness and could pronounce Pejman Yousefzadeh if I knew how that was pronounced.

  4. Matthew Gilley

    What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin?  Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet?  Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist?

    Last question:  was it one of your front teeth?  If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know….

  5. Gary Bokelmann

    Another great post, as always!  You captured the experience perweckly… er, perfectly.

    I don’t mean to veer off topic (well, I sorta do, but I’m new here…) but I’m sure a lot of us are wondering if you have a reaction to Joe Biden’s jawdropping behavior at Andrews AFB when speaking to the father of Tyrone Woods.  I seem to recall you met Biden once and were inclined to cut him some slack because he had demonstrated considerable sensitivity to military families.  Does his behavior at Andrews square with your recollection of the man?  Any idea what was going through his head? 

    I posted an opinion of my own about this on a thread over on the Member Feed started by “flownover,” but since you actually met the man, I think a lot of Ricochet would be interested in your reading of it.

    Again, sorry if I veered off topic.  Maybe you could start a new post on it or jump onto “flownover’s” thread? 

    Best of  wuck wif the dental wuhk. 

  6. John Grier

    Dave-

    Thanks!!!!    Just what I need for a Saturday afternoon.

  7. Lucy Pevensie

    Dave! We are in sync. I just had a tooth removed (fractured in too many places to be worth trying to save, or so they told me.)  I gather my experience has been worse than average, and a week and a half out I am only mostly feeling normal, so I hope you do better than that.  Thanks for checking in.

    Did the dentist seem to approve of the idea of “Wicoshay”?  Should we be looking out for him to show up?

  8. Nanda Panjandrum

    Feel better, Dave!  Praying for you!

  9. Cper

    Dave, when you mentioned Wob Wong I’d like to have seen who your dentist pictured. 

  10. Percival
    Matthew Gilley: What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin?  Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet?  Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist?

    Last question:  was it one of your front teeth?  If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know…. · 2 hours ago

    Edited 2 hours ago

    Alphonse on Novocaine probably sounds like Sir Laurence Olivier.

  11. Essgee

    That nasty liberal tooth….no wonder it had to be pulled. 

    Get rest, take your meds, and soon you will be out and about again.

    Great post and hope you feel 100% soon.

  12. M1919A4

    Get well soon, Dave.  When you have a minute, please look over at the two threads on the failure to send help to Benghazi and let us know what you are hearing and what you think.

    Is This the Day That the Benghazi Story Begins to Explode?

    Troy Senik, Ed. · October 26, 2012 at 10:48am

    Benghazi Scandal: Checkmate

    Aaron Miller · 20 hours ago

  13. M1919A4

    Get well soon, Dave.  When you have a minute, please look over at the two threads on the failure to send help to Benghazi and let us know what you are hearing and what you think.

    Is This the Day That the Benghazi Story Begins to Explode?

    Troy Senik, Ed. · October 26, 2012 at 10:48am

    Benghazi Scandal: Checkmate

    Aaron Miller · 20 hours ago

  14. David Holtkamp

    Get well soon, Dave!

  15. AUMom

    Hope you feel better soon, Dave!

  16. DocJay

    I failed my dental exam on a democrat.  I missed the cavity between the ears.

  17. Dave Carter
    C
    Matthew Gilley: What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin?  Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet?  Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist? …

    Alphonse drove me home from the dentist.  He suffered from sympathy mush mouth.

    Matthew Gilley: …Last question:  was it one of your front teeth?  If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know…. · 3 hours ago

    LSU-Golden-Girls.jpgNow now, Matt.  They took the tooth from waaay in the back.  But really, you’ve been traveling in the wrong circles.  Or you have us confused with another school.  Here are some LSU fans:   

  18. Dave Carter
    C
    Gary Bokelmann: … I’m sure a lot of us are wondering if you have a reaction to Joe Biden’s jawdropping behavior at Andrews AFB when speaking to the father of Tyrone Woods.  I seem to recall you met Biden once and were inclined to cut him some slack because he had demonstrated considerable sensitivity to military families.  Does his behavior at Andrews square with your recollection of the man?  Any idea what was going through his head? 

    I posted an opinion of my own about this on a thread over on the Member Feed started by “flownover,” but since you actually met the man, I think a lot of Ricochet would be interested in your reading of it.

    Again, sorry if I veered off topic.  Maybe you could start a new post on it or jump onto “flownover’s” thread?  …

    Thanks, Gary.  I didn’t actually meet Biden, though.  My family did, but I wasn’t able to be there.  I’ll have to read up on things before I comment, though.  What I’ve seen so far from Biden is very much at odds with the impression he left with my family.  Then again, he’s a politician…

  19. Dave Carter
    C
    Lucy Pevensie: Dave! We are in sync. I just had a tooth removed (fractured in too many places to be worth trying to save, or so they told me.)  I gather my experience has been worse than average, and a week and a half out I am only mostly feeling normal, so I hope you do better than that.  Thanks for checking in.

    Did the dentist seem to approve of the idea of “Wicoshay”?  Should we be looking out for him to show up? · 2 hours ago

    I think the dentist will be checking Wicoshay out.  He might be reading this thread, for all I know.   Things are improving steadily, as I hope they will continue to do for you as well.  

  20. DocJay
    Dave Carter

    Matthew Gilley: What does a Cajun accent sound like on Novocaine and Vicodin?  Can you approximate it in writing with the English alphabet?  Has Alphonse ever been to the dentist? …

    Alphonse drove me home from the dentist.  He suffered from sympathy mush mouth.

    Matthew Gilley: …Last question:  was it one of your front teeth?  If so, you’ll finally look like every other LSU fan I know…. · 3 hours ago

    Now now, Matt.  They took the tooth from waaay in the back.  But really, you’ve been traveling in the wrong circles.  Or you have us confused with another school.  Here are some LSU fans:    · 6 minutes ago

    Ah, The Golden Girls.  Rawr.