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An Open Letter from Ex Tex-Mex, Vigilant Consumer
Dear Belluminati,
You might be masquerading as a hilariously gimmicky marketing campaign for cheap fake Mexican food, but I’m onto you. Taco Bell might like us to believe that the Belluminati are the world’s least secret “secret society”, one that anyone with a buck and a hankering for el-cheapo meato frito can join. But I know what you’re really about. You’re the same old Illuminati, mocking us by “hiding in plain sight”!!!
Can you deny your “parent company is 100% owned by the world elite”? That your “owners are part of supra-national elite organizations such as the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations and the Bilderberg group”? No, I didn’t think you could.
Can you deny that you’re part of an insidious conspiracy to addict people to empty calories? No, I didn’t think you could! Gut flora influence food cravings – that’s not just some theory, it’s 100% proven scientific fact!!! Yeah, that’s right, you’re the napalm for our microbiome that burns away all that is good and natural, leaving our viscera denuded and defenseless against the Illuminati’s food-addicting, mind-controlling microbial minions!
I’d like to see you deny the havoc you wreak on our gut-brain axis. I bet you can’t.
Can you deny that “Run for the Border” is short for “Run for the New World Order”? Of course you can’t! Everyone with half a brain can decipher that one hump of the capital B stands for “New” and the other hump stands for “World”. That “B” is the globalist two-humped camel, with its nose well and truly under America’s tent.
Can you deny that the whole purpose of the Belluminati ad campaign is to stupefy the sheeple with cheap eats, to keep them too fat, happy, and dumb to see that your Illuminati jokes are all on them?
Sure, make fun of all of us who can see the Belluminati for what they are, make us the laughingstock, while clogging the unwary masses’ pie-holes with refried Soylent Bean. We know there’s no faster way to discredit the Truth than by laughing at it. Ask Christopher Columbus why they all laughed at him when he said the world was round. Well, who’s got the last laugh now?
Oh, right, you’ve got the last laugh. Now and always. Because you’re in the globalist elite, and us peon consumers aren’t.
Finally, can you deny the Bell logo is a giant reptilian eye, and that our Reptilian overlords cover up their presence on earth by grinding the corpses of their deceased into cheap taco meat? It’s some sort of Satanic perverted communion ritual – a sneaky reverse blood-libel, the way the Lizard People con us into partaking of their substance! And we know you and your transnational-conglomerate backers won’t rest until every American consumer is “of the body” – fed on the mind-controlling microbes of corrupt Reptilian flesh!!!
Of course you’ll never deny any of this to our satisfaction. Don’t even try. The Belluminati campaign, with its Masonic symbols and occult rituals, gives your game away, though, to those of us in the know.
…Why aren’t there more of us in the know? Please don’t ask that question, but now that I’ve got your attention, would you please watch my RuClip video? Pretty please? I swear the “Ru” in “RuClip” doesn’t stand for “Russia”, and even if it did, that doesn’t make me a Russia-sponsored troll:
Maybe you can’t deny it, but I bloody well can!
Sincerely,
Ex Tex-Mex, Vigilant Consumer
We all understand that you’re forced to pretend this is satire, but it’s good that the truth is finally getting out.
Fnord
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Tracking IP Address now…
This conversation is part of our Group Writing Series under January’s theme of “An Open Letter…” It’s a ridiculous and parodic take on the normal open letter published in newspapers and such. In February, our theme will be “We Need a Little Summer,” because why should the Southern Hemisphere have all the fun of having summer in February? Sign up to help us celebrate summer next month.
…And traced.
This is the point I started laughing out loud. Very nicely done.
Also, I’m totally not posting this compliment because my Illuminati masters told me to do so. It has nothing to do with their annoyance at having one of their subsidiaries revealing secrets in a marketing campaign and wanting to send a signal to the Bell by supporting your ranting.
Oh, totally not ;-)
And “Bell” totally doesn’t begin with “B”, either ;-)
All restaurants are Taco Bell.
We’re all living in a New World ‘ell.
Very good.
It’s all falling into place now, isn’t it?
Midget Faded Rattlesnake Post author
Finally, can you deny the Bell logo is a giant reptilian eye, and that our Reptilian overlords cover up their presence on earth by grinding the corpses of their deceased into cheap taco meat?
Leave it to the resident reptile to blow the cover off her alien brethren.
Reptiles …. they have no extraterrestrial species loyalty. Guess that is good for us.
Traitor or redoubled agent?… So many choices…
I mean, they’re all right, but I still prefer the Fry-lateral Commission. Or possibly Build-a-burger. Maybe even Knights Tempura or Opus Deli.
You mean you’re not from the hollow earth?
Mmm.
You’re on a roll, Midge.
French? Onion? Some other type?
Alex Jones has probably already dispatched a courier to deliver a marriage proposal to you, Midge.
You’re forgetting Burgher König, SubalternWay, Whyte Castle (obvious royalists), and Panda Express.
Barm cake!
Kaiser.
Ah, it is obvious, isn’t it.
Slow clap.
For some reason, this was a puzzle-piece others exposing the Belluminati deception completely missed.
Mostly because of situations related to the second comment.
Now now, let’s not make fun of the slow.
I hope they’re not slow, or there’s going to be a heck of a mess to clean up.
That happens to be my favorite episode of TOS. Well done.
Oh, I almost forgot – a singalong!